Anyone have other things like this?

http://www.access-programmers.co.uk/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=34198&stc=1&d=1287703204

I guess you could chat with a pre-recorded or bot Access expert, but they never seem to understand your question.

At an ATM:

"Dispensing your money, please wait."

No, now I've asked for it, I'm going to walk off. You can keep my card.

Having doen UI for access applications for years - I always wrok with the principal that the ueser will do the most stupid thing possible - and introduce as many fail safe as possible.

They still astound me everytime - to the depths of stupidity they will delve.


So to me these messages (above) seem quite reasonable - and the only mistake you are making as opposed to the general public is to bother to read them, being helpful towards you - most people just ignore them. With some or no consequence based upon luck.

I just get a kick out of them when I see them. Much like silly newspaper headlines which state something other than what they mean. My brother, a radio D.J., used something similar in a funny moment where he was reading a commercial for a lounge and he had to read that they had "A LIVE PIANO PLAYER" and he made the aside which was basically, "Of course - I doubt they would have a dead one propped up there." So the same thought occurred when I saw this. I know what they mean and you know what they mean but if you think about it is still good for a chuckle.

I know there are more of those type of things out there so I thought I'd start this thread for those anyone finds.

"This Door Must Remain Closed At All Times." :confused: :rolleyes:

A friend of mine worked for a telco and they received a memo advising that "All ladders must be tied to the pole before climbing."

Somehow I doubt that tying them at the bottom would be terribly useful.

My favourite was while playing in a pub quiz game many years ago.

The question for the other team was "How many time zones are there in the world". Their guesses were 8 and 16. The QM threw it open and I got it right away.

A day is the Earth revolving once. There are 24 hours in a day. Therefore, there are 24 time zones.

Nobody believed that could possibly be the right answer.

The question for the other team was "How many time zones are there in the world".

A day is the Earth revolving once. There are 24 hours in a day. Therefore, there are 24 time zones.

Not really. There are several half hour time zones around the planet.

My favourite was while playing in a pub quiz game many years ago.

The question for the other team was "How many time zones are there in the world". Their guesses were 8 and 16. The QM threw it open and I got it right away.

A day is the Earth revolving once. There are 24 hours in a day. Therefore, there are 24 time zones.

Nobody believed that could possibly be the right answer.
Newfoundland is half an hour different to the mainland and that's just in your own fair country. I assume it's not the only one, worldwide, which would make a lot more than 24.

Hope you didn't accept too many points for answering 24.;)

[Edit]: Just read that someone else already posted this.:o

One I saw on a can of beef stew:

"Open before eating"

A 'Closed' sign on a pub door window, facing inwards, in Wales. Some older Welsh people were getting very confused when they were on their way out, some even went to find other exits! It was one of those really funny moments, but I resisted the urge to say it opens at 11pm.

There are 40 time zones including the two 1/4 time zones NPT and CST
Not really. There are several half hour time zones around the planet.

one of my favorite flow charts...(author: Justin Beiber)

http://www.access-programmers.co.uk/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=34276&d=1288208241

or...

http://www.access-programmers.co.uk/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=34277&d=1288208375

Heard this one on the news. "The funeral home had buried 6 dead corpses in the past week".

First of all, they would not be corpses if they were not dead and second, I sincerely hope that it was "dead corpses" that they buried!

Heard this one on the news. "The funeral home had buried 6 dead corpses in the past week".

First of all, they would not be corpses if they were not dead and second, I sincerely hope that it was "dead corpses" that they buried!

That's a good one. Not only SHOULD they be burying dead people but a corpse is ... :D

Reminds me of the old joke...

If a plane crashed on the border between two countries, where would the survivors be buried.

If a plane crashed on the border between two countries, where would the survivors be buried.

next to the 30ft Christian Cross, similar to the ones you can see on every interstate in the USA now.

"Well OF COURSE!", but such a question may invoke such an answer… ;)

>>If a plane crashed on the border between two countries, where would the survivors be buried.<<

Some would be buried on land and some may be buried at sea.
Others may be cremated but the question tends to rule them out unless their ashes are buried on land or at sea.

Chris.

My wife was in NZ recently and emailed me asking if I had rec'd all the emails she had sent me:confused:

I should have copied to her al the emails I hadn't rec'd:D

Here’s another one quite often seen on medicine bottles: -

“Shake well before use.”

I shook it two months ago; is that enough?

:confused:

I used to work for a chain of jewellers and they had a Christmas sale tape that the shop had to run on a loop. It contained the phrase

'If you spend over one hundred and fifty pounds or more...'

Used to drive me mad. In this context, 'over' is the same as 'more' - use one or the other.

next to the 30ft Christian Cross, similar to the ones you can see on every interstate in the USA now.

Is it a custom in your part of the world to bury survivors, since by definition they are still alive?

Is it a custom in your part of the world to bury survivors.

Eventually - yes.

Eventually - yes.
Ah, can't use them as fireplace fuel then? :D

Ah, can't use them as fireplace fuel then? :D

that depends. if they are from the corporate HQ then by all means use them as fireplace fuel :D

that depends. if they are from the corporate HQ then by all means use them as fireplace fuel :D
No good. Manure won't burn until it is good and dry.

My sister swears she saw the following sign in a jeweller's shop in Dublin about 10 years ago:
"Ears pierced while U wait".

What, you mean I can't leave my ears here, do my shopping and collect them later?

My brother (the Radio DJ) also used this one on the air:

"I saw a sign the other day. It said 'Wet Floor' so I did." :D

Use to have one of those cardboard-and-foil sunscreens you put behind your windshield to keep the sun from heating up your car. On the inside part it said "Warning! Remove sunscreen before driving."

"Hey honey, I don't know why I can't see any oncoming cars!"

"Disturbingly, almost half of those tested were rated below average."

Not quite sure what they were hoping for.

"Disturbingly, almost half of those tested were rated below average."

Not quite sure what they were hoping for.

Hardly any if it was the IQ of surgeons?

Or if was the number of people with below average number of legs - I'd have expected much much less than half.

That is disturbing - perhaps someone has let the surgeons loose.

My wife was in NZ recently and emailed me asking if I had rec'd all the emails she had sent me:confused:

I should have copied to her al the emails I hadn't rec'd:D

You may chuckle at your wife, but what if it had been a firm connected with networks that did it, or something similar.

Recently I had a credit card account frozen due to a fraud attempt, I was going on holiday the following day and when I returned I had no Internet connection. It turned out that I had missed a continous authority payment, so the ISP emailed me and then suspended the account !!!
It actually got worse but here is not the place to go into details, but I do have a new ISP.

Brian

You may chuckle at your wife, but what if it had been a firm connected with networks that did it, or something similar.

Recently I had a credit card account frozen due to a fraud attempt, I was going on holiday the following day and when I returned I had no Internet connection. It turned out that I had missed a continous authority payment, so the ISP emailed me and then suspended the account !!!
It actually got worse but here is not the place to go into details, but I do have a new ISP.

Brian


I was going to say BT?

But that was too short , I shall use the Obamaism of ****ing British Telecom?

It wasn't BT but don't get me started on them. :mad:

Brian

"Disturbingly, almost half of those tested were rated below average."

Not quite sure what they were hoping for.

Technically speaking, it's possible for more than half or less than half to test below average if someone inflates it by being far above average. Now if we're talking about a median score, that's a different story. :D

This one is more of a "Things that make you go 'HUH?'". When I was visiting Northern Ireland in 2008, most of the fast food restaurants that served breakfast were touting "Free-Range Eggs!". Now, eggs from free-range chickens I could understand, but just how far can an egg range?

This one is more of a "Things that make you go 'HUH?'". When I was visiting Northern Ireland in 2008, most of the fast food restaurants that served breakfast were touting "Free-Range Eggs!". Now, eggs from free-range chickens I could understand, but just how far can an egg range?

I guess it depends on which side of the roof the egg falls when the rooster lays it. :p