Questions that women ask that have a "no win" answer from men.


1) In a shoe shop - "Do these look nice on me?"

2) When woman appears (eventually) from fitting room in dress shop - "well? what do you think" as she holds arms out and spins round

3) When she gets home after shopping alone - "Did you fix that leaky tap? or have you been playing Playstation all morning"

4) "I need some money"

5) Whilst shopping for shoes - "Shall we go back to the first shop we went in and get the red ones?" (that was 3 hrs ago)

6) "Do you like this colour?"

7) "Does this colour suit me?"

8) At home after breakfast on Saturday - "Do you want to come shopping with me?"

9) "Shall we have an early night?"

10) "Did you post that letter I gave you yesterday?"

11) In the car, she's driving, just missed a pedestrian - "Do you think I'm a good driver?"

12) In dress shop - woman just appeared from fitting room - other men hanging around waiting nearby - "Tell me honestly what you think" man glances at other smirking men..

13) After man returns from walking baby in pram - " Where's the baby then?"

There must be more......

Col
:cool:

Do you like my hair? (yeah, like I noticed!)

Here's another

"Have you noticed anything different about me today?"

or


"You haven't noticed, have you?"

Col
:cool:

You don't mind if my mother comes to stay for the week, do you?

Man: "You don't seem too happy today dear - anything wrong?"

Woman: "If you don't know......... then I'm not going to tell you"

Man: "Where's my dinner - in the oven?"

Woman: "In the dog!!"

Man: :(

You couldn't nip out and buy me a pack of Always, could you?

(struggling now!)

What do you mean 'let's get take-away?' I've just made dinner!

Man: "Anything wrong dear?"

Woman: "NOTHING" (slams your dinnerplate on the table causing the salt pot to jump 6" in the air)


or


Man: "Everything Ok dear?"

Woman: "YES FINE!"


man checks date to see if its birthday / valentines / wedding anniversary / date they first met / date you gave her a pendant 30yrs ago

I have to admit... quite disappointed indeed... you've left out my all-time favorite!

"Is she prettier than me?"

I don't care who it is, guys... you don't even have to look at her... the answer is always NO!

A better answer is something like, "No, sweety, nobody is prettier than you."

Bad answers include:

"Ummmmm...."
"Not in that dress..."
"Well, honey, it depends on (who you ask, what you're wearing, etc...)"
"I like your face more..."
"Aww, honey, I love you!"

I always love hearing "You don't pay any attention to me!" just because I'm checking my email for five minutes.

Or

"You don't do anything around here" when I clean the whole house but forget to do one thing that she immediately notices before noticing I cleaned everything else.

my all time favorite.....

"LET ME OUT OF THIS CAGE!!!!" :D

Vassago

"Does this make me look fat?".

Autoeng

"Is that lipstick on your collar?"

"You don't enough spend time with me" - when you're with her every waking moment you're not at work.

I know it means quality time, but how about giving us guys an idea for something to do together that counts in your eyes?

How about these...

Do you ever think of other women/old girlfriends?

Do you ever dream/have fantasies of other women/old girlfriends?

Do women really want an honest answer to that? Does a 5-second memory blip of an old girlfriend count?

"Do you want to go to the mall?" ::shivers::

Do you want me to answer that truthfully or just tell you "Yes! Let's go! I love being in a crowded place with preteen boys and girls with too much perfume on that make my sinuses start a fight!"

How about in a movie where a supermodel loses her top - "Does she have better breasts than me?"

I'll contribute a few, but I must say I'm a little distressed by the anti-woman turn the Watercooler has taken just lately. :(


"Well, would you rather watch football or spend time with me?"

"You like (big boobs/blonde hair/long legs), don't you?"

"How come we never talk any more?"


Now how about some questions/statements from men that make women shiver?

Reading this thread makes me appreciate my wife that much more. Beauty, intelligence, and none of those hang-ups that I'm reading about. She's a good mom too.

Maybe its because I answered those questions truthfully before we were married. Now I don't have to fib and she never asks again - or maybe she just has the self confidence not to ask vein questions to begin with.

Sorry to interrupt the threat...I get all mushy around Valentine's day.

Come on time to get our own back with these Anti- Men jokes I come accross.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so
beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so
dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
What's the difference between men and government
bonds?
Bonds mature.

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door.

When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.

See what you've started now Col - Battle of the sexes Round 2, we love you all really (honest);)

Hayley

I don't think that this is anti-women. It's just that there are REAL differences between men and women beside to obvious physical differences. How we think and view things.

There have been numerous psychological studies. Although, I think the ones I've heard of mostly relate to language and how men and women speak. I'll try to find more info on this and post back.

But here's one that I remember.

Women when they talk tend to face each other (more intimate?). Men on the other hand tend to stand side by side (less intimate).

"A better answer is something like, "No, sweety, nobody is prettier than you." "
' trouble is my parents taught me not to lie
:rolleyes:

"Trouble is my parents taught me not to lie"

How come your 10yrs old then? :D

Oh hang on a sec you've aged quite a bit since I last checked:rolleyes:

Yes, now those jokes are just stereotypical Hayley. I pictured you being more mature than to follow the stereotypical side of things. :p

I have to agree with Cosmos on this one though. THere are very obvious differences between women and men.

One thing that really makes me angry is how society looks at men and women. I saw a commercial the other night on TV where a man is sitting at a bar and a woman walks up and grabs his beer and drinks it. He looks at her and says, "Hey, that's my beer!" She looks at him and slaps him and says "You're all the same!" and walks off. Most people would consider this a funny commercial right? Now what if the man and woman switched places and it was the man who slapped the woman. No one would think this was funny, in fact, it would be probably never be aired because of the negative feedback from women and men alike.

On another note, the singer of a popular band here in the U.S. named Creed recently took his ex-wife to court for domestic assault. She beat him pretty badly, but he didn't touch her at all. I was listening to the radio when I heard about this and the DJ said that he was a p*ssy letting himself be beat like that. Many callers called in agreeing with the DJ saying he was a pathetic, one listener actually said he wasn't a man. Now come on people! I think he was more of a man for NOT hitting her. How can they be so hypocritical? These are the same people that would be throwing rocks at a man who defended himself against his wife and broke her arm while she was trying to beat him with a baseball bat. In conclusion, I think society doesn't look as strongly at domestic assault on men as they do on women. In fact, they are more likely to shrug off or have opposite feelings on them.

Sorry about the ranting, it just ticked me off.

Oh, and I have another line that just makes me laugh...

"I'm ready to go."

This does not mean she is ready to go.... This means that she WILL be ready, when she's done putting her make up on and picking out one pair of her dozens of pairs of shoes. :D

Vassago

How come your 10yrs old then?
Windows, keeps changing the date format:cool:

Yeah, look at my profile, my first birthday is every day!!!

Vassago I decided to give you a little lesson since you're only a day old I thought you could use the help:D

WOMEN'S SCORING SYSTEM

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

Simple Duties:

You make the bed….+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets….-1
You leave the toilet seat up….-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty….0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.…-1
When the Kleenex runs out, you use the next bathroom….-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings....+5
in the snow….+8
but return with beer….-5
and no liners….-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night….0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing….0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something….+5
You pummel it with a six iron….+10
it's her cat….-40

At a Party:

You stay by her side the entire party....0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy….-2
named Tiffany….-4
Tiffany is a dancer….-10
with breast implants….-18

Her Birthday:

You remember her birthday….0
You buy a card and flowers….0
You take her out to dinner….0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
okay, it is a sports bar….-2
and it's all-you-can-eat night….-3
it's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors
of your favorite team….-10 (I personally might just allow that one since I'm a footy fan but most women are not)

A Night Out with the Boys:

Go with a pal….0
The pal is happily married….+1
The pal is single….-7
he drives a Ferrari….-10
with a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED….-15

A Night out with Her:

You take her to a movie….+2
You take her to a movie she likes….+4
You take her to a movie you hate….+6
You take her to a movie you like….-2
it's called Death Cop 3….-3
which features Cyborgs that eat humans….-9
you lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans….-15

Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem:

You listen, displaying a concerned expression….0
You listen, for over 30 minutes….+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience….+50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do
you think I should do"….-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV….+100
she realizes this is because you have fallen asleep….-200

Your Physique:

You develop a noticeable pot belly….-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly and exercise to get rid of it….+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts….-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."….-800

The Big Question:

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

You hesitate in responding….-10
You reply, "Where?"….-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"….-100
Any other response….-20

I'm not a day old, I'm a year old. And no, I don't need pointers, I don't act like a stereotypical man. I LOVE cats!!!

How does the single woman get rid of roaches?
She asks them for a commitment.

What is worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.

Hi All

I didn't plan for this thread to be anti-female or anything like that Idjit - We had enough of that with Legion the other week.

Its just that because women and men seem to put more emphasis on different things like shopping for shoes (for example) where the woman will go to every shop and the man would get the first pair he sees. Thats the way it works.

Personally I like the idiocyncrasies that both sexes have - and because of the fact that (sometimes) if men get dragged out shopping - there are some questions that are put to them where the answer can be difficult.

As for the jokes - I personally love jokes about women or men - I think they are really good (nice jokes Hay.) I don't see it as anything offensive - its just a laugh.

We'll be at war soon so one wonders what that'll bring. The US has already shipped out 100,000 body bags to the Middle East. Its already dominating the TV - so I was just trying to be lighthearted.

Col
:cool:

ps - why is it that women always leave the toilet seat down?;)

Iraqi Britney Spears (http://www.satiresearch.com/go.asp?sid=12803)

That's sad, Mile

Mile-O

I think that some of your comments exceed the spirit with which I started this thread - there must be some specific websites where some of your comments would be more suitable.

Col
:cool:

This is a public forum Mile, lets keep it to light hearted banter and within the bounds of moral decency!

#Deleted

Yeah, let's just be glad to be rid of Legion. I didn't mean to offend anyone if I did. I love women! Truly I do! :D

Originally posted by Vassago
I love women! Truly I do! He was just somebody from work!

I bet you were on your knees, begging pathetically when you said that! :p

I liked it Mile! You don't want to get me started on Iraq so I'll go now.

KEALGSEO

Autoeng

lol @ Mile

Where on earth did the association with Iraq come from?

What do you know about Iraq Rich????? Tell me!!!! Tell me!!!! I need some dirt...NOW!!!!!! If you don't tell me, I'm going to blame your family for the hiding of Osama Bin Laden!!!!

Hayley Baxter,

I was wondering why women need a scoring system at all?:confused:

I don't think men as a whole try to keep score or remember what a woman did 5 years ago. Or am I wrong there? Any thoughts from men here?

Maybe women need to establish a "scientific" way to calculate their man's love for them (since men aren't always going to buy flowers or notice how nice the woman looks all the time) and men don't need to do that since they "know" how the women feels? (or they assume they do - until it's too late, i.e. never earned enough points!!).

Hopefully, we don't take this all too seriously, I wouldn't change TOO much about women!:p

Cosmos

I personally don't think a scoring system is required, I was only having a laugh really. I do believe that everything should be split 50,50 in a relationship though.

Hay

Originally posted by Hayley Baxter
I do believe that everything should be split 50,50 in a relationship though.

Including the bill on a date?

Yes Vassago including the bill on a date. The guy should not be expected to pay for everything and I thnk it's wrong of some women to expect that and to use a guy for their cash. I don't mind paying the full bill to be perfectly honest with you, I've done it on many occasions in the past.

"I don't mind paying the full bill to be perfectly honest with you"
are you free for dinner next Friday?:cool:

You must be the perfect woman! :D I've always thought it funny that SOME women rant about equality between men and women, yet those same women still EXPECT the bill to be paid for them. They get really upset when it isn't.

My girlfriend paid the bill half the time, the other half the time I did. That was before we moved in together, now we share our money together.

Vassago

I recently split up with my boyfriend but he's not working just now (training to be a chef) so I paid for our last holiday and I really didn't mind doing that at all.

That's the way it should be vassago - sounds like you've got the balance just right.

Rich I'll be there - but remember that we don't know what you look like yet so I might be difficult to find you - that's unless you've posted a pic in Lynsey's thread since I last checked:D

This actually happened to me when I was about 13:
On our way to a concert:

Me: Do I look pretty?

Uncle: That's not the right way to ask. You should say, "How do I look?"

Me:Ok...How do I look uncle?

Uncle: Good, let's go!

Sorry to come to this late, but this happened to my English husband when on a visit to the States a couple of years ago.

American Female: "Does my fanny look big in this?"

Just in case you Americans aren't fully conversant with English english 'Fanny' over here means something a little different, and isn't used in polite everyday conversation!!!!

Apparently my other half did a fantastic Hugh Grant impression whilst half of the office fell about laughing whilst he tried to explain to her why he had gone an interesting shade of red!!!:D

Oh and questions that women dread men asking them:

Do you fancy an early night?

Have you seen my glasses?

Have you seen my keys?

Have you seen my wallet?

Where's the cat/butter/marmalade/children?

Can I borrow your car?

Can you navigate for a bit, I'm not sure of the way here.

Which way is North/South/East/West?

It's alright if the boys come round to watch the footie tomorrow isnt it?

And women leave the toilet seat down so that when your're desperate for the loo and sit down quickly and gratefully........you don't disappear down the b****dy thing 'cos some idiot forgot to put it down the last time he used it!

Why should we have to put it down for women? I think women should have to put it up for us! :D

I've developed a spring loaded one, should I patent it?

Or we can be more like the Japanese, they go in a fountain.

Oh, heck - why not just use the sink?

JUST KIDDING, FELLAS

Is that better, Vassago? ;)

You shouldn't have suggested that, some smartie will post that they already do:eek:

That's DISGUSTING! I brush my teeth there!!!

How about the shower?

>How about the shower?<

THAT'S disgusting, my cat is already using it (or was that you sneaking away, Vassago????)

How about the rainbarrel?

RV

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. You can handle it. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

2. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon. Let it be.

3. Crying is blackmail.

4. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

5. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

6. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

7. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

9. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

10. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

12. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

13. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

14. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

15. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

16. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

17. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

18. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

19. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

20. You have enough clothes.

21. You have too many shoes.

22. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.

23. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
:D

Wife: Do you like this paint color? drapery? furniture?

Me: Yes, Yes, Yes.

Can we have another baby?

Me: <cringe>

17months later...

Wife: Can we have another baby?

Me: I'll do anything if it cures your headache!

Originally posted by Freddy
Reading this thread makes me appreciate my wife that much more. Beauty, intelligence, and none of those hang-ups that I'm reading about. She's a good mom too.

Maybe its because I answered those questions truthfully before we were married. Now I don't have to fib and she never asks again - or maybe she just has the self confidence not to ask vein questions to begin with.

Sorry to interrupt the threat...I get all mushy around Valentine's day. Since this came up again after I joined, I'm going to make a few observations. Starting with:

Freddy's wife apparently reads this forum. Chicken!:D

Originally posted by Vassago
One thing that really makes me angry is how society looks at men and women. ...

... These are the same people that would be throwing rocks at a man who defended himself against his wife ...

Vassago Have to agree with Vass's points here.

Hay, you forgot to mention that we start the game with -100.:(

Originally posted by Friday
6. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

9. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

16. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

18. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

:D

My personal favorites.

Originally posted by jon98548
Since this came up again after I joined, I'm going to make a few observations. Starting with:

Freddy's wife apparently reads this forum. Chicken!:D

Not really, wife didn't have a headache the day before. :D

Very good observations there Friday.

Originally posted by ColinEssex
Questions that women ask that have a "no win" answer from men.

"Mile-O-Phile, is that you? Do you remember me?" :rolleyes:

While sitting with future wife in public ... ex-girlfriend walks up after not seeing you for a few years and exclaims with visible excitement, "HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU! Here's my number. Call me.

Me (trying to get out of this): "Oh, gee, I don't have a pen."

Future wife (dripping with sarcasm): "Here, use mine."

Still hear about that one 8 years later.

Originally posted by jon98548
Still hear about that one 8 years later.

Just like the "On" thread they just won't let it die!

No that would be too easy.

Originally posted by jon98548
Future wife (dripping with sarcasm): "Here, use mine."

Still hear about that one 8 years later.
There's just no pleasing you people. She even offered you her pen! She sounds like a lovely lady to me, and if I may be so bold I'd say your taste improved over the years. ;)

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

Why is a man different from a PC?
You only have to tell the PC once

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word they say

Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A dog only takes a couple of months to train

All light hearted fun guys;)

Hay, you are so sexist. :p

I knew we would pay for that long post of mine...

Originally posted by Hayley Baxter

What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

Very considerate of him, I'd say.

What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

E.T. didn't have a Mrs hogging the phone.
:cool:

White Men and smokers are the only two groups that in this PC world are ok to slam, without fear of being taken down by a Lobby Group.
In fact we could limit that to “Straight White Men” (this is why its sort of ok to pick on Michael Jackson). It’s ok for women and all other groups to put down SWM at any point.
In fact women in the 60’s,women who fought very hard to get men and women to see each other as equals, would have a hard time with what has happened.
The easiest place to see this is the law’s that got rid of all men only clubs in NZ the UK and most States in the USA.
These laws are now being reversed in some states of the US and here in NZ.
Why, because women want to have “Women only gyms” and to bar men would be illegal.
But I did see the reaction of women just the other day at work, when you say anything that dose not place them at the top of the food chain.
After jokingly say to a work mate of mine (SWM) that “we would drive over you with a car” and “smack you in the side of the head with a spade”. <(Remember they were only kidding and so was he)
I said that this was odd the women could say this and we could not.
They pointed out that they were the superior beings on the planet (have you ever look through a women’s magazine?) and that they had the right.
I then pointed out that in New Zealand the law that were created for women’s rights were in the same area of legislation that covered the handicapped and the disabled.

Did I start to get it form every woman in the room. How dare I say something like that about something so sacred as Womenhood.
Didn’t matter that it was true.
I then got told that people like me should be locked up and gang raped! Now as I am a SWM its ok to wish rape on me.
And there we have it, the world has turned and now women have become our grandfathers.

At the end of the day it’s all just a peripheral struggle that breeds more jokes and paper work than we dare to think is possible.
It’s like the poor mans racism.

So to all the SWM’s out there, stay strong. One day we may overcome.
Or we may just keep saying uh – huh at the right moments in a conversation and keep on watching the sports.

just keep saying uh – huh at the right moments in a conversation

Phew its not just me then ;)

is that your best Rich, obviously couldn't think of an excuse for the rest of them:p

Originally posted by Hayley Baxter
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Married

Why is a man different from a PC?
You only have to tell the PC once
Not if you're using Windows

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
One knows he's soon going to be barking up the wrong tree!

Why are men like commercials?
Women don't want to hear the truth

Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why
Mixing the paint for you

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
The husband soon realises he's been led on
:cool:

very impressive Rich;)

Originally posted by Idjit

There's just no pleasing you people. She even offered you her pen! She sounds like a lovely lady to me, and if I may be so bold I'd say your taste improved over the years. ;) You're right but apparently there was something in the wedding cake and she has never been the same.

Let's get back to the purported topic of the thread:

"Honey, you know those pills I was supposed to be taking?..."

"Honey, I shrunk the kids?" :cool:

Idjit is starting it again... :rolleyes:

How about:

"Honey, would you like to.................. for our anniversary"?

I need a good answer for this one ASAP.

Thanks,
RichM

Rich:

"That sounds brilliant! I'll make the arrangements." :p

Originally posted by Mile-O-Phile
Idjit is starting it again... :rolleyes:
Oh, no you don't - ya can't pin this one on me, see? I din't do nuthin', see?

1."We have to talk ..." Usually said at a time when you can't talk, so you spend the rest of the day wondering. And it’s never, ever good!

2.After listening to you talk in your sleep, she wakes you up and asks "who is ... (fill in the blank)?"

Marry me? :eek:

How the hell did we resurrect this thread?

For God’s sake I got married in the time that I first posted on this thread!

I still say Ha – hu and watch the sport though.

By the way, my wife is pregnant and I will keep you up to date with the sorry details.

Sex
Name
Birth Date
How I’m doing
How she’s doing
How my psychologically damaged dog Rose is going
Etc :eek:

"Have u ever thought of using Viagra?"

By the way, my wife is pregnant and I will keep you up to date with the sorry details.

Sex
Name
Birth Date
How I’m doing
How she’s doing
How my psychologically damaged dog Rose is going
Etc :eek:

Father? ;)

How my psychologically damaged dog Rose is going
Etc :eek:
Have you taken her to the dog quack? :D

I've hoovered under the bed and found some interesting magazines... :eek:

What are you looking at! Then a slap in the face follows.

How about us Men.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup at 3 am early on a Sunday morning - he will call and say "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once.

On another note, the singer of a popular band here in the U.S. named Creed recently took his ex-wife to court for domestic assault. She beat him pretty badly, but he didn't touch her at all. I was listening to the radio when I heard about this and the DJ said that he was a p*ssy letting himself be beat like that. Many callers called in agreeing with the DJ saying he was a pathetic, one listener actually said he wasn't a man. Now come on people! I think he was more of a man for NOT hitting her. How can they be so hypocritical? These are the same people that would be throwing rocks at a man who defended himself against his wife and broke her arm while she was trying to beat him with a baseball bat. In conclusion, I think society doesn't look as strongly at domestic assault on men as they do on women. In fact, they are more likely to shrug off or have opposite feelings on them.


Part of this may be down to the fact that a man is (generally) stronger than a woman. What may take enormous physical effort on her part to beat her husband, may be replicated without breaking a sweat for him.

Similar scenario - a martial arts instructor was being beaten up by a group of thugs, getting hurt quite badly. Punched one thug in the face, a single time - killing him instantly. Judge sentenced him to life: it was an unfair fight.

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Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on
what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time now
that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs... Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs
up.

My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I
ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you
don't know them."

I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she
always walks down the drive, although I can hear a car setting off,
as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe
she wasn't in a taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to see what
time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never
touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think
deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out
again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson Heritage next to
the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole
street when she comes home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the rocker boxes on my engine seem to be
leaking a little oil.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

Thanks,
Bob

Nice to see your new-found power didn't go to your head... spoken like a true H.O.G.:D

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Strange how you can get some things into perspective, there may be hope for you yet:eek: :cool: :p

Phone rings at work.
Husband picks it up.
Wife in rushed voice: How do you turn off the main water?

Nice to see your new-found power didn't go to your head... spoken like a true H.O.G.:D

It had me going all the way down to the last line - :):):)