If you woke up this morning
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than the
million who won't survive the week.

If you have never experienced
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pangs of starvation,
you are ahead of 20 million people
around the world.

If you attend a church meeting
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death,
you are more blessed than almost
three billion people in the world.

If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back, a roof over
your head and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet, and spare change
in a dish someplace, you are among
the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare,
especially in the United States.

If you hold up your head with a smile
on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the majority can,
but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can
offer God's healing touch.

If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world
that cannot read anything at all.

You are so blessed in ways
you may never even know.
.
.
.
Author unkown...

Further good news - its Friday and time to go to the pub, and the football starts again tomorrow!

...And I be out of Col's hair as I'll be here -> Link (http://www.moonspinner.com/), for a week of vacation!

:) :) :) :) :)

...And I be out of Col's hair as I'll be here -> Link (http://www.moonspinner.com/), for a week of vacation!

:) :) :) :) :)
I wouldn't go there, the virtual tours don't work. Have you ever thought of holidaying instead, far less stressful? :p

Hum... The virtual stuff works here...

We don't holiday in the new world, we vacation :D

We don't holiday in the new world, we vacation :D
It's obvious that we're separated by a cultural divide so I thought I'd look up one or two differences between us :p



Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.

Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.

Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

***

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.

Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.

Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

***

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.

Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.

Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

***

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.

Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.

Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.

Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

***

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.

Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.

Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey and how they beat the Americans twice at baseball.

Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

***

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English."

Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English."

Canadians: Spell like Brits, pronounce like Americans.

Aussies: Add "G'day," "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

***

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.

Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.

***

Americans: Drink weak, urine-tasting beer.

Canadians: Drink strong, urine-tasting beer.

Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting urine.

Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

***

Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.

Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.

Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.

Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Well, I'll be! I've never been so proud to be an Aussie !

Thanks Rich.

Well, I'll be! I've never been so proud to be an Aussie !

Thanks Rich.
This one's looking a bit dodgy at the minute
Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in. :p

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.


Unfortunately I think I'm guilty of this a bit. I would venture to say the computer is the next generation idiot box. Combine my television and computer usage and its frightening. :eek: I'm surprised I get anything done when I'm at home. :o

I never use my tv, unless it's to use my PC. I'm usually too busy doing work.

I work with a Brit, He added a few comments:



Cultural Differences



Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. (...except in the US where they are taken for Brits anyway – see the last one in this section)

Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad. (...especially in the Middle East)

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad. (...especially in the Middle East)

Brits: Can’t possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad. (Except here in the US where the native population seems to think that “Brits” have an Australian accent!!!?????**** Would you like to be told that you come from a penal colony half-way round the world!!) The difference between an Australian accent and an English accent is so apparent that it is rather like someone from New Mexico being called a native of Louisiana.

***

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates. (by joining the group that’s clubbing them to death)

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club. (As in ‘Your club is very heavy’)

Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves. (...with clubs of the above variety)

Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job. (...and they are absolutely right)

***

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer. (...after drinking a sufficient quantity of it)

Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness. (...,deafness, dumbness and a total lack of logic)

Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them. (...normally after having mistaken Australian beer for their own)

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem. (...accompanied by a vast impressive Welsh choir)

***

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box. (...and lower the educational minimums to prove it)

Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.

Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels. (...two of which have no mind-numbingly assinine commercial spots)

Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

***

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball. (...while waiting for the Christmas meal to be put on the table)

Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby. (...and any other subject you care to bring up)

Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey and how they beat the Americans twice at baseball. (...while waiting for the Christmas meal to be put on the table)

Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

***

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English." (They also like to position words at random in sentences and STILL call it “English”)

Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English." (It REALLY IS English)

Canadians: Spell like Brits, pronounce like Americans. (...and thus have the worst of all worlds)

Aussies: Add "G'day," "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get morally compromised(cleaned up, rhymes with maid).
(...which doesn’t do any good in the US as they are considered Brits no matter what they say or how they say it)
***

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.

Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas and liquor in a backwards country.

***

Americans: Drink weak, urine-tasting beer. (You’re in.)

Canadians: Drink strong, urine-tasting beer. (YOU’RE IN!)

Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting urine(couldn’t clean up). (...which has been officially inspected and approved to be served at the legally correct temperature and minimum alcohol content) (You are in.)

Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it. (You’re in, mate)

***

Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect. (...except when they are personally implicated)

Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect. (...except when they are personally implicated)

Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things. (You mean they aren’t ...)

Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers. (...except when they are personally implicated)

.
.
.
.

Paul Harvey Writes:

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.

I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.

I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.

And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.

When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy\girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend..

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hanukah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.

Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss. I'm here for you. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.

What a load of sentimental, smarmy, sugary sweet, American apple pie tripe. :rolleyes:

Christ, reading that first thing in the morning nearly made me throw up, luckily I've got a waste paper bin handyhttp://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/wuerg/vomit-smiley-011.gif

"written with a pen, sealed with a kiss". . . . . . . . . .you gotta laugh - its a joke right?

yuk :rolleyes:

Col

.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.


.

That's incestuous and should be censored :eek: :mad: :p

.
On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.
.

Why not help save the planet and let them walk? :mad:

.
If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

.
And if he was a responsible parent he'd also instruct you not to target defenceless animals, but use tin cans or man made targets :rolleyes:

.
and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

.
That lesson won't take long under Bush :rolleyes:

.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

.
Nah, just join the army and get killed for something your Pres. believes in :rolleyes:

.
and wash the car.
.
That should be a six ton gas guzzling multi pollution 4x4 :rolleyes:

.
When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

.

Move to Cuba instead, the literacy rate's higher there :eek: :p

.
I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

.
What a strange place to keep books, don't you have public libraries? :confused:

.
May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

.
don't you have funerals during the holidays? :confused:

.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

.
How odd, you can take charge of a killing machine at sixteen but not take a pint of beer :rolleyes:

May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

Who licks flagpoles?. . . .is that an American tradition to honour the flag? . . . thats sick

May you get a compound leg fracture when skiing, shoot your foot instead of a defenseless animal, trap your finger in a car door :D

When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along
no way Jose - not when I've been working on getting this date for weeks, I'm not having a little shit like you spoiling it

I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hanukah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

A plaster mould???? she wanted a new Hoover anyway, not some smelly plaster cast from when you broke your hand on the stupid slingshot Dad made, that broke first time used causing a hairline colles fracture

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.

So this is the second attempt at screwing up some kids lives - bet the parents love that

Col


Col

I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it.

It tastes better after the first 4 or 5

I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.
You moved us all here at the bottom of this 1 in 4 incline with the soddin' school at the top.
We've been flooded every year, and to get to school I have to walk through what can only resemble Beruit on a bad day.
Thanks for nothing - and you say "I hope you can do it safely"????? Now we can't sell the bloody house and move cos of the floods and people don't like the barbed wire for protection.
When you buy me that car I'm outta here - you can do what you like.

On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away
Mommy you do realise that the driver won't come this far cos of the floods at the bottom of this stupid hill when it rains and buses don't run in this area after 5pm, its too dangerous

Col

I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes
Grandad - can I point out that I'm a boy and I'm not wearing my sisters dress for anybody - stuff it

and homemade ice cream
maybe some real cream might make it taste less like shite

and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.

ok Grandma, you eat the 4 day old meat loaf sandwich - its now meat loaf and salmonella - I'm off to McDonalds, there's slightly less salmonella there. BTW I hate meat loaf, I don't know why you make the bloody things, nobody likes them thats why they're always left over.

These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.
Suit yourself Grandad - I won $5million on the lottery, trust me, I do appreciate life. (and I'm not buying my $1million house at the bottom of a poxy hill)

Col

I'm off to McDonalds, there's slightly less salmonella there. Col
Make sure to take Grandma along, pull the car away with a jerk so she upsets coffee in her lap, you'll then get to inherit several million bucks and can then tell her to stuff her stale homemade leftovers :cool:

I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. . . . . . .but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.
Lets see now, he's 16 and she's 18. He seems to get "scared" an awful lot :eek:
as Rich says its incestuous, I'm surprised you support such things Ken or is that normal behaviour in the USA.

Col

Here's an extract from another sickly monologue - anyone remember "A Deck of Cards"?? :rolleyes: It has to be the sickest record to grace the UK charts.

"You see, sir, when I look at the Ace, it reminds me that there is but one God.
And the deuce reminds me that the bible is divided into two parts: the Old and the New Testaments.
When I see the trey, I think of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
And when I see the four, I think of the four evangelists who preached the Gospel: there was Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
And when I see the five, it reminds me of the five wise virgins who trimmed their lamps; there were ten of them: five were wise and were saved, five were foolish and were shut out.
When I see the six, it reminds me that in six days God made this heaven and earth.
And when I see the seven, it reminds me that on the seventh day, God rested from his great work.
And when I see the eight, I think of the eight righteous persons that God saved when he destroyed the earth: there was Noah, his wife, their sons and their wives.
And when I see the nine, I think of the lepers our saviour cleansed, and that nine of the ten didn't even thank him.
When I see the ten, I think of the ten commandments that God handed down to Moses on a tablet of stone.
When I see the King, it reminds me that there is but one King of Heaven, God Almighty.
And when I see the Queen, I think of the blessed Virgin Mary who is the Queen of Heaven.
And the Jack or Knave is the Devil.


When I count the number of spots in a deck of cards, I find 365, the number of days in a year.
There are 52 cards, the number of weeks in a year.
There are four suits, the number of weeks in a month.
There are twelve picture cards, the number of months in a year.
There are thirteen tricks, the number of weeks in a quarter.


So you see, Sir, my deck of cards serves me as a bible, an almanac and a prayer book."
now, where's that waste paper basket I threw up in earlier. . . . . . . http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/wuerg/vomit-smiley-011.gif

ok, who's first to tear this apart??? ;)

Col

I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa
only if I'm a beneficiary in the will, or Mommy and Daddy pay me to do it - this is America after all, its money money money first, every time :rolleyes: I'm not sitting voluntarily with smelly old people who fart all the time and jibber incoherently and dribble alot - pay me and I'll suffer it

and go fishing with your Uncle
no way. . . . . . . he's a perv and a psycho :mad: I'm not being left alone with him - anyway I hate fishing, its cruel

Col

You see, sir, when I look at the Ace, it reminds me that there is but one God.

Col

Muslim ?? :confused:

Muslim ?? :confused:
I think this was written in the USA when there was only one god. Sadly it doesn't take into account differing beliefs.
Its the "if its christian then it must be right sod everyone else" attitude. :rolleyes:

Col

I think this was written in the USA when there was only one god. Col
I think he's also known as Bush, isn't he? :confused:

You two guys are just being down right ugly this morning. :(

You two guys are just being down right ugly this morning.
:confused:

You two guys are just being down right ugly this morning. :(
:confused:

:confused:
got up on the wrong side, not enough coffee yet? :confused:

I see no reason why you couldn't have embraced at least one line or passage and responded with a positive comment instead of doing a line by line bully hack unless your intent is to just be mean to me... :(

I see no reason why you couldn't have embraced at least one line or passage and responded with a positive comment instead of doing a line by line bully hack unless your intent is to just be mean to me... :(
Ahhh Ken. . . . . .you're upset :(

Look, if it helps you - I deliberately left the line alone about having the dog put to sleep. I've done that and its horrible - one of my worst experiences ever, he was a constant loyal friend and companion for 15 years, I met him when he was a week old and at the end I stayed with him till he stopped breathing
:( :(

Col

Thank you. :)

I always knew you are really just an old softie at heart :)

(Did your drain thing-a-ma-bob work in yesterdays rainstorm?)

in yesterdays rainstorm?
never had one here :cool: :D

Here's an extract from another sickly monologue - anyone remember "A Deck of Cards"?? :rolleyes: It has to be the sickest record to grace the UK charts.

ok, who's first to tear this apart??? ;)

Col

Whoa, this is bottom of the barrel time. Unless you're some kind of Scrooge who doesn't respect Christmas, I think you should remove Christianity from your list of topics of ridicule.

(Did your drain thing-a-ma-bob work in yesterdays rainstorm?)
Yes its fab. It was pissing down all afternoon and we had no problems with pooling water.

Have you got any more of those lovely ;) word thingy's you can post, we found it really interesting :D

Feeling better now? had a couple of coffees yet? :rolleyes:

I'm off to a meeting - catch you later

Col

Unless you're some kind of Scrooge who doesn't respect Christmas, I think you should remove Christianity from your list of topics of ridicule.
Sorry to interject here but Christmas is actually a pagan festival :p

Whoa, this is bottom of the barrel time. Unless you're some kind of Scrooge who doesn't respect Christmas, I think you should remove Christianity from your list of topics of ridicule.
Its unlikely we'll go into it :rolleyes: (unless anyone else wants to)
We hammered christianity a couple of years ago - ask Cindy (Mrs Gorilla)

Col

Sorry to interject here but Christmas is actually a pagan festival :p

It is? Please explain to me how Christmas is, in modern day society, a Pagan festival?

Its unlikely we'll go into it :rolleyes: (unless anyone else wants to)
We hammered christianity a couple of years ago - ask Cindy (Mrs Gorilla)

Col

If by hammered you mean ridiculed, then no thanks.

If by hammered you mean ridiculed, then no thanks.

They are a shallow bunch :o

It is? Please explain to me how Christmas is, in modern day society, a Pagan festival?
It was adopted by Christianity along with the worship of trees :eek:
if one actually studies the birth of Jesus it was reckoned to be some time in October :rolleyes:

They are a shallow bunch :o
searching for the truth is Shallow :confused:

It was adopted by Christianity along with the worship of trees :eek:

Oh I see, so Christmas is actually a Christian festival today, not a pagan festival. It's just that there used to be a pagan festival at the same time of year. Sorry, you confused me when you said Christmas IS a pagan festival.

It still is a pagan festival

They are a shallow bunch :o

We do seem to be at the bottom of the barrel today. :(

Still if you can post responses like this after such ridicule, I'm sure we'll be back out in no time. :)


Thank you. :)

I always knew you are really just an old softie at heart :)

Ah...

Anytime either of those two chime in, I try not take it too serious... I think they're just venting anger from some other problems in their life :rolleyes:

Just give 'em some space :p :p

Ah...

Anytime either of those two chime in, I try not take it too serious...

Me too, otherwise I would have been convinced that saturnalia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturnalia) was still being celebrated by millions every year as opposed to Christmas. :rolleyes:

Now just where did a Kentucky boy ever hear a word like 'Saturnalia'? It sure wasn't something we picked up in 12 years of public education in Alabama! :p

Google and a most unnatural inquisitive mind for a hillbilly :D

We also bring a tree into the house in December, but I don't pray to it. I'm allergic to the needles :p

Those angry anti-Christmas Brits choose to view Christmas as a paganistic commercially driven and celebrated holiday. They seem to ignore that there are still a good deal of people out there that still celebrate it for its Christian meaning. But then again I would expect much different from our aethiest friends from across the way. :rolleyes: ;)

Those angry anti-Christmas Brits choose to view Christmas as a paganistic commercially driven and celebrated holiday. They seem to ignore that there are still a good deal of people out there that still celebrate it for its Christian meaning. But then again I would expect much different from our aethiest friends from across the way. :rolleyes: ;)


Now, now, NJ...

Don't you realize that their view is from a much, much deeper and intellectually superior perspective. How dare you challenge them!

:p :p

Now, now, NJ...

Don't you realize that their view is from a much, much deeper and intellectually superior perspective. How dare you challenge them!

:p :p

I don't see how a nation without Dew can be described as such :p

It would seem that the positive note has taken a definite negative leaning. On a positive note, G'morning (my time zone)!!!

I know I may regret asking this, but where'd the 'fuzzy' in 'fuzzygeek' come from? :)

Anytime either of those two chime in, I try not take it too serious... I think they're just venting anger from some other problems in their life :rolleyes:

Just give 'em some space :p :p
Or you do what I did and put them on the ignore list. It was actually quite entertaining to see two full pages of nothing but "Posted by Rich....this post has been removed because user is on your ignore list......Posted by ColinEssex....this post has been removed..." over and over.

Or you do what I did and put them on the ignore list. It was actually quite entertaining to see two full pages of nothing but "Posted by Rich....this post has been removed because user is on your ignore list......Posted by ColinEssex....this post has been removed..." over and over.

Sounds much better for the blood pressure :)

Yeah, then you can transpose what a decent person may say...

Sorry all my American friends, I've been such a jack-ass with my attitude thing... I'll try and be nice from now on.

:D :D

I know I may regret asking this, but where'd the 'fuzzy' in 'fuzzygeek' come from?

Fuzzygeek comes from a computer generated password list about 1991. I saw the name and really thought it was "neat". When I established my account here, I used it. No great mystery about my hair or lack thereof. ;)

Those angry anti-Christmas Brits choose to view Christmas as a paganistic commercially driven and celebrated holiday. They seem to ignore that there are still a good deal of people out there that still celebrate it for its Christian meaning. But then again I would expect much different from our aethiest friends from across the way. :rolleyes: ;)
Why attack the Jehovah Witnesses, they're not here to defend themselves :mad:

Me too, otherwise I would have been convinced that saturnalia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturnalia) was still being celebrated by millions every year :rolleyes:
It is, it's just been re-named by the men in frocks

Why attack the Jehovah Witnesses, they're not here to defend themselves :mad:

Neither is 'W', but that don't stop you from attacking him :eek:

Why attack the Jehovah Witnesses, they're not here to defend themselves :mad:


That's a good one. I'm just playing with you guys, that's all.

Neither is 'W', but that don't stop you from attacking him :eek:
Bring him on, bring him on :cool:

It is, it's just been re-named by the men in frocks

Millions of people celebrate the winter solstice every year? :confused: I thought only a few crazy Brit druids get up to that kind of thing at Stonehedge. :p

Millions of people celebrate the winter solstice every year? :confused: I thought only a few crazy Brit druids get up to that kind of thing at Stonehedge. :p
They use it only as another excuse to get stoned and party :D

They use it only as another excuse to get stoned and party :D

Sounds like you've been there! :eek: :eek: :D

Sounds like you've been there! :eek: :eek: :D

Now I know who the KKK hired as their outfitters :p

http://witcombe.sbc.edu/earthmysteries/EM1905Druids2.jpg

Sounds like you've been there! :eek: :eek: :D
stoned or partying? :D

stoned or partying? :D

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Yes. :p

Now, now, NJ...

Don't you realize that their view is from a much, much deeper and intellectually superior perspective. How dare you challenge them!
You do talk a load of boll**** Ken!!!! we are quite open to be challenged ;)

The ancient Brits used to celebrate a pagan festival in December, they did this by decorating trees because they (quite rightly) felt that the trees were special. So they danced, sang drank alot and had a good old knees up and had a really good time.

Meanwhile the christian folk who celebrated the birth of their dictator later in the year didn't get a really good turn out because people thought it was all shite and make believe based on a fairy tale.

So, the christians moved their dictators birthdate to coincide with the pagan festival in order to cash in on the pagan popularity - then they claimed that huge numbers celebrated because of their leaders birth - which of course is total nonsence.

So, thats why people decorate trees at pagan festival time in December - religion and christianity has nothing to do with it - its the christian overlords that dictated when their leader was born.

Its totally wrong to bring religion into what is now called "christmas" let alone try to claim a pagan festival as a religious event.

Col

You do talk a load of boll**** Ken!!!! we are quite open to be challenged ;)

The ancient Brits used to celebrate a pagan festival in December, they did this by decorating trees because they (quite rightly) felt that the trees were special. So they danced, sang drank alot and had a good old knees up and had a really good time.

Meanwhile the christian folk who celebrated the birth of their dictator later in the year didn't get a really good turn out because people thought it was all shite and make believe based on a fairy tale.

So, the christians moved their dictators birthdate to coincide with the pagan festival in order to cash in on the pagan popularity - then they claimed that huge numbers celebrated because of their leaders birth - which of course is total nonsence.

So, thats why people decorate trees at pagan festival time in December - religion and christianity has nothing to do with it - its the christian overlords that dictated when their leader was born.

Its totally wrong to bring religion into what is now called "christmas" let alone try to claim a pagan festival as a religious event.

Col

Case closed :p

Ken

Shouldn't there be a rule about posting a self portrait as your avatar? Unless of course it's as handsome as mine? :)

Ken

...Unless of course it's as handsome as mine? :)

:eek: :eek: :eek:

:eek: :eek: :eek:

At least mine is smiling :p

Case closed :p

don't suppose there's alot you can say really

Col

At least mine is smiling :p
And Ken chose the wrong image from those available (http://www.bushorchimp.com/)

And Ken chose the wrong image from those available (http://www.bushorchimp.com/)
why would Ken want a pic of GWB? His chimp avatar is really good. ;)

Col

That's not very nice Richard. :(

That's not very nice Richard. :(
Neither is insulting us with a picture of a chump

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Sorry :(

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Sorry :(
Damn, now he's gone we've nothing to harangue you over :mad:
we'll have to look further :D

Damn, now he's gone we've nothing to harangue you over :mad:
we'll have to look further :D


:eek:

(I can't win... :( )

Damn, now he's gone we've nothing to harangue you over :mad:
we'll have to look further :D

what about religion? did we finish the christmas discussion?

or how about people not thinking ahead - then building houses of wood in tornado alley - I know wood is plentiful and cheap (as most things are in the USA) but surely in tornado alley a good brick built house may be favourable :rolleyes: better still, why live there in the first place? :confused:

have we discussed Iraq? and the expensive holiday the US troops are getting there for free?

how will the billions spent on the USA Mars rocket benefit me?

why are diner cafes in the USA always old railway carriages (cars)?

are most people millionaires in the USA? due mainly to the generosity of the US courts in claims cases plus the courts rigid distribution of wealth policy?

why bother to have central park in New York if its too dangerous to set foot in there? why not make it a car park or something worthwhile that will be used

ok, off you go then ;)

Col

:eek:

(I can't win... :( )
well there are occasions when you do quite well, I have to say that you never resort to a tirade of foul mouthed abuse, unlike one or two of your fellow Americans, however there is the minor problem of you murdering Gods creatures :eek:
Why not try paintball instead? :D

what about religion? did we finish the christmas discussion?

or how about people not thinking ahead - then building houses of wood in tornado alley - I know wood is plentiful and cheap (as most things are in the USA) but surely in tornado alley a good brick built house may be favourable :rolleyes: better still, why live there in the first place? :confused:

have we discussed Iraq? and the expensive holiday the US troops are getting there for free?

how will the billions spent on the USA Mars rocket benefit me?

why are diner cafes in the USA always old railway carriages (cars)?

are most people millionaires in the USA? due mainly to the generosity of the US courts in claims cases plus the courts rigid distribution of wealth policy?

why bother to have central park in New York if its too dangerous to set foot in there? why not make it a car park or something worthwhile that will be used

ok, off you go then ;)

Col
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http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/bst0020l.jpg

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http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/bst0020l.jpg
Is that a self portrait :confused: :D

: ...
Why not try paintball instead? :D

What would be next? Sipping tea and eating tarts :p

If the cartoon is of you, why have you got three hands? :D

Is that a self portrait :confused: :D

After Col's barrage...

Yes... :o

What would be next? Sipping tea and eating tarts :p

Careful Ken "eating tarts" could be misconstrued over here. ;)

What would be next? Sipping tea and eating tarts :p
We dink coffee and sleep with tarts :cool:

I never dink :cool:

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tart:


http://www.yanksing.com/images-desserts/de-egg-custard-tart.jpg

I never dink :cool:
misspelt dunk :eek:

Whoops... :)

tart2 ( P ) Pronunciation Key (tärt)
n.

A pastry shell with shallow sides, no top crust, and any of various fillings.
Chiefly British. A pie.

A prostitute.
A woman considered to be sexually promiscuous.

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http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/bst0020l.jpg

:confused: no, I admit you've got me there Ken :confused: is it an American joke?

Col

Ah, I get it. :rolleyes: its one of those optical illusion things - the table's only got 3 legs so it couldn't be real

Col

Ah, I get it. :rolleyes: its one of those optical illusion things - the table's only got 3 legs so it couldn't be real

Col

And that makes sense and ties in with the topic how? :confused:

Ah, I get it. :rolleyes: its one of those optical illusion things - the table's only got 3 legs so it couldn't be real

Col
Yeah, what's keeping up the other corner? :confused:

And that makes sense and ties in with the topic how? :confused:
I thought we had to spot what was wrong :confused:

the keyboard only has 4 keys and the chair legs / wheels look suspect to me

am I right? its a quiz isn't it?

Col

the keyboard only has 4 keys Col
It's the American windows version :eek:

It's the American windows version :eek:
not in tornado alley - windows always get blown out there ;)

Col

I thought we had to spot what was wrong :confused:

the keyboard only has 4 keys and the chair legs / wheels look suspect to me

am I right? its a quiz isn't it?

Col

I hope you're more attentive in your health care duties :D

I hope you're more attentive in your health care duties :D
nope, you've lost me again Ken :confused: are you ok this afternoon? not on anything are you?

Your posts seem a little strange :rolleyes: perhaps you're a little tired maybe?

Col

nope, you've lost me again Ken :confused: are you ok this afternoon? not on anything are you?

Your posts seem a little strange :rolleyes: perhaps you're a little tired maybe?

Col

Ok. I'll try and back up for you pappy....

When you posted all those grievances with us Americans, I simple could not cope with it all and my head (symbolically) exploded - i.e. the cartoon (?)....

Hope that helps :)

Sorry Ken it's you Americans who aren't supposed to do irony :)

Grievances? you mean those questions? like about the diner cafe etc?

was that offensive to ask those questions? :confused: :confused:

Col

Grievances? you mean those questions? like about the diner cafe etc?

was that offensive to ask those questions? :confused: :confused:

Col


Hum....

Not the question(s) in particular, just the manner in which you posed them (?)...

You do talk a load of boll**** Ken!!!! we are quite open to be challenged ;)

Ah, but are you open to be wrong ;) We shall see...


Its totally wrong to bring religion into what is now called "christmas" let alone try to claim a pagan festival as a religious event.


Mesopotamians assisted Marduk (their chief God) in his struggle against the Monsters of chaos by holding a festival for the New Year.
Europeans celebrated winter solstice to welcome back the sun as they feared it would not return. They indeed worshipped the sun on its return - sounds a little religious to me.
Ancient greeks had a festival at the same time of year to celebrate their God Kronos.
The 25th of December was sacred to the Persians and their religion of Mithraism
The pagan festival that you are referring to is probably Saturnalia. Another religious festival, this time Romans worshipping Saturn and the festival that was allegedly adopted by Christianity.

What is now called "Christmas" is actually steeped in religion.
The actual timing of Christ's birth may not be accurate but the similarity of symbolism is obvious (ie the arrival of the New Covenant)

Ok. I'll try and back up for you pappy....

When you posted all those grievances with us Americans, I simple could not cope with it all and my head (symbolically) exploded - i.e. the cartoon (?)....

Hope that helps :)

I also thought it funny that nobody noticed your head was missing. Prolly why your joke wasn't appreciated as it should have been. :p

Where the heck have you been... I've been dying a slow death here... :)

Work again :rolleyes: Why can't they leave me alone :mad:

Hum....

Not the question(s) in particular, just the manner in which you posed them (?)...
Gosh, I really didn't realise you were so sensitive.

(recap) Rich was wondering what to "harangue" you with after you removed your nice pic of a chimp.

I merely rattled off 3 or 4 points for possible discussion, it (for once) wasn't meant to be anything other than that.

It doesn't matter so forget it - I'll wait till a topic comes along

Dan - my apologies, I should have inserted the word "christian", as in

"Its totally wrong to bring christian religion into what is now called "christmas" let alone try to claim a pagan festival as a christian religious event."

Actually I prefer the Incas sun worship theory - at least you can see it, and it sustains life, and it cheers people up. Much more believable than the fairy tales in the so called christian manual, which are either made up or based on heresay.

Col

Don't feel bad... At least you got the rattle part right :D - Smart move to accentuate your strong points :p :p

Don't feel bad... At least you got the rattle part right :D - Smart move to accentuate your strong points :p :p
would you like me to rattle of some easier questions for you to answer? ;)

Col

would you like me to rattle of some easier questions for you to answer? ;)

Col

Not sure what 'rattle of' means... But I'm thinking no :D

(Unless you have some original stuff :p )

Dan - my apologies

Apology accepted :)


I should have inserted the word "christian", as in

"Its totally wrong to bring christian religion into what is now called "christmas" let alone try to claim a pagan festival as a christian religious event."


But you didn't, so you lose :D ;)

...But you didn't, so you lose :D ;)
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http://www.pritchettcartoons.com/caricatures/nixon.jpg

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http://web.lemoyne.edu/~hevern/weblog/photos/mission_accomplished1.jpg

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https://secure.linedancing.co.uk/acatalog/usa%20v%20sign.JPG

But you didn't, so you lose :D ;)
was there a race then? :confused:

Col

was there a race then? :confused:

Col

ooops, sorry, me and Ken were having a race to see who could be the first to get you to apologise. I won, but Ken claimed the moral victory. :)

These reminded me of Art Linkletter :p :p (I think that spelling is correct)
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If you need a laugh then read through these Children's Science Exam
Answers. These are real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be
made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon.
All water tends to flow towards the moon, because
there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum.
I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you
get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward
to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
(e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium,
the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium
contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and
lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels,
A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. (I do love this one...)

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight

ooops, sorry, me and Ken were having a race to see who could be the first to get you to apologise. I won, but Ken claimed the moral victory. :)
Thats ok, I admit when I fail to make myself clear - and its only polite to offer apologies for the confusion that may have been caused. Its a natural trait for the British to be sporting and polite.

If you recall, you were talking of the [christian] religious festival known as christmas - therefore, when I referred to "religion" in the same thread I (mistakenly) assumed you would have linked it back to the christian religion comment you made earlier.
Had I known that we were embracing religion as a generic term (something you failed to mention) then this would have influenced my phrasing.

Col

... Its a natural trait for the British to be sporting and polite.

That's why we wonder how you became such a horses butt :p :p

what about religion? did we finish the christmas discussionYep, I think dan-cat took care of that.

or how about people not thinking ahead - then building houses of wood in tornado alley - I know wood is plentiful and cheap (as most things are in the USA) but surely in tornado alley a good brick built house may be favourable. better still, why live there in the first place?
Tornados tend to do very little damage to anything that isn't very close to the funnel, and if the funnel passes straight over your house anything less than a steel and concrete bunker will probably be wiped out. So using brick isn't much of a solution. As far as why live there in the first place? Tornado Alley constitutes roughly 1/3 of the country.

Tornado Activity (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Tornado_Alley.jpg)

Applying the same logic, we could ask why anyone lives in California with all the earthquakes, the southwest because of drought and dangerous heat, the gulf and southern east coast because of hurricanes, and the north because of terrible cold and blizzards. Basically, 99% of the U.S. would be uninhabitable if we didn't put some effort into adapting to the environment.

To additionally answer your question, the bulk of the best farmland in the country dwells in Tornado Alley (which stands to reason as large scapes of flat, open land are prone to storms that breed tornadoes), so that's why people settled there.

have we discussed Iraq? and the expensive holiday the US troops are getting there for free?
No, I don't think you've mentioned that. But I'm sure any soldier would love to describe the wonderful time s/he's having for you.

how will the billions spent on the USA Mars rocket benefit me?
The Chronological Encyclopedia of Discoveries in Space (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1573561967/qid=1124895166/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/002-2481874-5977605?v=glance&s=books&n=507846)
Enjoy.

why are diner cafes in the USA always old railway carriages (cars)?
For the same reason there's about $40 million in TBMs under the Chunnel.

are most people millionaires in the USA? due mainly to the generosity of the US courts in claims cases plus the courts rigid distribution of wealth policy?
Hmmm....I'm not sure about this one. Tell ya what, I'll ask my sister-in-law (whose mastectomy and implant surgery was botched, is in a tremndous amount of medical bill debt and has continuous and constant health problems, but was unable to recover a single cent from the "doctor" - who has an extraordinary history of lawsuit involvement - because of a procedural technicality) what she thinks and get back to you. :rolleyes:

why bother to have central park in New York if its too dangerous to set foot in there? why not make it a car park or something worthwhile that will be used
It's dangerous to go into Central Park at night alone...just like almost any urban neighborhood. It's just fine during the day. The only reason it's so famous is because it's surrounded by the wealthiest borrough of one of the largest cities in the world. Not to mention that, according to 1999 data, 7.2% of violent crimes in the U.S. occured in parking lots or garages as opposed to 2.7% in yards, fields, parks and playgrounds.
Source: US DoJ - See Table 61 on Page 66 (http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/cvus99.pdf)

...

I gotch-yo back, Kenizzle.

If you recall, you were talking of the [christian] religious festival known as christmas - therefore, when I referred to "religion" in the same thread I (mistakenly) assumed you would have linked it back to the christian religion comment you made earlier.

Indeed I was. I was responding to the comment that Christmas is a pagan festival, however you inserted (albeit unintentionally) a strawman argument which needed to be addressed. I also think the clarification of paganism not necessarily being areligious was beneficial.

Christmas is a christian festival celebrating Christ's birth. It literally means "Mass of Christ" (Cristes maesse) .
It was based on a festival called Saturnalia back in circa 60AD and defined by Pope Julius I in circa 337AD. Holly represents the crown of thorns and was a failed attempt to replace the roman pasttime of decorating your house with laurel.

It is, today, not a pagan festival though pagan elements are still seen alongside the christian ones. (Laurel, Christmas Trees, exchange of gifts etc etc) The celebration of Christ's birth does not involve the glorification of Saturn or the Sun etc etc, therefore it is not a pagan festival.

I believe even your British druids have given up on the authentic winter solstice festival preferring a more comfortable summer solstice celebration to which they'll prolly get a better audience.

If you are celebrating Christmas then you are celebrating Christ's birth
If you are celebrating Saturnalia then you are celebrating the Roman God Saturn.
If you are celebrating winter solstice then you are celebrating the sun.
Everybody else pretty well much takes timeout from work for a bit.

Tornados tend to do very little damage to anything that isn't very close to the funnel, and if the funnel passes straight over your house anything less than a steel and concrete bunker will probably be wiped out.

Have you ever seen this happen? it is completely weird. We had a small twister come through the other month. On one side of the road there were big cedar trees snapped in two, but on the other the trees were untouched.

I've had the good fortune of not encountering a tornado. The Great Lakes tend to disrupt tornado formation so even tornadic systems rarely actually spawn a touch-down near Chicago, but it has happened.

I was under the impression that the proximity of the Rockies to the plains is the major factor of these areas being prone to tornados...(?)

I'm not aware of all the meteorological factors that contribute to the high degree of tornado activity in the great plains; I'm sure there are many factors. But I do know the open, flat land in one of them.

I know there is a church with a storm shelter across the road from my office. Thats where you'll find me when the town's storm siren sounds. :p

I'm not aware of all the meteorological factors that contribute to the high degree of tornado activity in the great plains; I'm sure there are many factors. But I do know the open, flat land in one of them.

Meanwhile the tempestuous phenomenon known as ColandRich seems to have settled down for the time being. :p
Perhaps due to the calming Kraj factor from the north.

...
Perhaps due to the calming Kraj factor from the north.

Perhaps it's what is know as a more stable system than those that approach from the east :p

Perhaps it's what is know as a more stable system than those that approach from the east :p

Indeed, I have been told that the behaviour of some european patterns can be quite volatile.

Meanwhile the tempestuous phenomenon known as ColandRich seems to have settled down for the time being. :p
Perhaps due to the calming Kraj factor from the north.
http://webclipart.about.com/library/prints/can1b.gif

Yeah....cuz I have such a claming effect on them. I think tea time is a better explanation. :p

I think tea time is a better explanation. :p


shhhhh - it you're very quiet you can almost hear them munching on their scones and butter. :)

shhhhh - it you're very quiet you can almost hear them munching on their scones and butter. :)

That's soooooooooooooooooooooo................ funny............


Laughed out loud again............................. :p :p :p :p :p

looks like they have invited a chick for tea today...

http://www.everypicture.com/shop/books/6367955ce0550ccd2f70fef9486595ea/mad-tea-party.jpg

shhhhh - it you're very quiet you can almost hear them munching on their scones and butter. :)
you've forgotten the jam and clotted cream and we don't have them for tea at tea time :p

Indeed, I have been told that the behaviour of some european patterns can be quite volatile.
You should know, America's full of 'em, mainly Germanic I believe :p

shhhhh - it you're very quiet you can almost hear them munching on their scones and butter. :)

Huddled around their little overtaxed, re-run plagued TV sets, mouths watering for yet another morsel of potential American bashing drivel that oozes out....

:p :p :p

re-run plagued TV sets,
All American sit coms with their accompanied canned laughter :rolleyes:

All American sit coms with their accompanied canned laughter

For once I agree with him! :D But where did the Benny Hill Show originate? ;)

But where did the Benny Hill Show originate? ;)
That laughter was genuine and we're not allowed to watch it :mad:

I agree too. Very few shows on TV are good enough to watch these days. :rolleyes:

That laughter was genuine and we're not allowed to watch it :mad:

Why not? :confused:

I agree too. Very few shows on TV are good enough to watch these days. :rolleyes:


Define "good enough". God knows how many people still watch crap like Survivor and Fear Factor. However, I personally equate those types of shows with about the same level of quality as a 3 week old brick of spam that a 3 pack a day smoker uses to put their butts out on.

Was there any point in history when there have been a high number of shows worth watching? :confused:

Was there any point in history when there have been a high number of shows worth watching? :confused:

What about the Andy Griffith show? :)

What about the Andy Griffith show? :)

Or "My Three Sons"?

Omnibus (Alistair Cooke), Kraft Theatre, Playhouse 90, the early Twilight Zones

I wasn't asking about specific shows, I'm talking about a year/decade/etc. in which there was a variety of high-quality TV to watch.

I think there is a great deal of worthwhile programming on TV...it's just encapsulated by gobs and gobs of crap. Hooray for TiVo!

Hooray for TiVo!

:mad: (Jealous)

Why not? :confused:
It's branded as politically incorrect and immoral here, we're not allowed to watch it and judge for ourselves.
We can of course watch American cop shows and see people being shot, blasted to bits by bombs, stabbed etc. etc :rolleyes:

The Woodentops was consistently excellent. The tension between Mummy and Daddy Woodentop over Sam the farmhand's amorous advances was superbly handled. ;)

Huddled around their little TV sets,
Mine's 42inches, how big's yours :eek: :p

The Woodentops was consistently excellent. The tension between Mummy and Daddy Woodentop over Sam the farmhand's amorous advances was superbly handled. ;)
Thats really good Barry - it also brings to mind the question of the relationships between Andy Pandy, Teddy and Looby Lou :eek:

Personally I think Looby Lou was something of a right slapper and of course Teddy was a totally randy sod. I did have my doubts about Andy Pandy's . . er, leanings though. ;)

Col

For the same reason there's about $40 million in TBMs under the Chunnel.

TBM?

Oh Kraj, a couple of days ago you said you had Rich and I on "ignore" and I was led to believe our posts were therefore not shown. I may be wrong as I don't us the ignore button, I prefer to see the opinions of some of our American colleagues, even if they are the result of propoganda by your White House.

How come you can read my post and therefore respond to it? :confused: (which I thank you)

Admit it Kraj. . . . . . .are these forums are too mundane if you blot out me and Rich? . . . . . Am I right? or am I right? :D you just can't help but read our eloquent and well structured opinions :p :D ;) :rolleyes:

Col

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Tbm ???

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Tbm ???

Texan Ballistic Missile?

Terrifically Big Mistake - (like having Ol' Cross Eyes as a Prez) ;)

Col

Terrifically Big Mistake ...


Like asking a horses ass a serious question :p

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Tbm ???
The Big Mistake
Total Bloody Maniac
I assume you're referring to GB? :confused:

Like asking a horses ass a serious question :p
fancy referring to your Pres. like that :eek:

Oh Richie... You're so witty this morning :)

I did have my doubts about Andy Pandy's . . er, leanings though. ;)
Col

Anyone who dresses up in a candy striped romper suit and mobb cap has to be suspect in my book. And let's not even think about Muffin the mule :eek:

Like asking a horses ass a serious question :p


Maybe I can get one of these to use when Col is being mean to me:

Link (http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/asiapcf/08/25/thaksin.buzz.ap/index.html)

:p

Maybe I can get one of these to use when Col is being mean to me:

Link (http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/asiapcf/08/25/thaksin.buzz.ap/index.html)

:p
me? mean? - er I think not, its not something we practice on these forums. ;)

Col

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Tbm ???
When I used TBM in an earlier post, it stood for "Tunnel Boring Machine", the massive, multi-million euro machines that were custom built to carve the channel tunnels. They used two sets - one from the French side and one from the English side. When the tunnel was complete the two sets of machines couldn't pass so one set (the British I believe) was buried down below the tunnel while the other set was sent out the other side. So, there's about $40 million in machinery just abandoned below the Chunnel :)

You'd think for 40 million they could have done a reverse gear :D Jez, I've got that on my $1200 Mazda :p

You'd think for 40 million they could have done a reverse gear
Well some idiot here said it should have done a right turn and carried on going :eek:

Not trying to change the subject, but did you see this advert on the bottom of this thread:

Link (http://www.bushcalendar.com/cgi-bin/start.cgi/index.html?ref=e#)

Do the 'See Inside' link :D
:p

You mean the ad for that disgusting calendar :eek: :confused: :cool:

You mean the ad for that disgusting calendar :eek: :confused: :cool:

misSpeak :p

or

The Simple Life :eek:

misSpeak :p

or

The Simple Life :eek:
Kenny thought he had me Bushed :D

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ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love! deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your action.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

.
No name calling.
.

:rolleyes:

Col

.
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

.
Give an inch and they'll take a mile
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

Untill she starts to nag

THREE. Don't believe all you hear
Would that include you know whos speeches? :rolleyes:
spend all you have
For those that have nothing it's an insult, for those that have it's a totally irresponsible statement
sleep all you want.

You'll get enough sleep when you're dead, fight it all you can whilst still alive

When you say, "I love you," mean it.

just remember to keep your fingers crossed

Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

unless somebody has a shotgun pointed in your face

Never laugh at anyone's dream.
unless they're a gun toting pr.............. :rolleyes:

Love! deeply and passionately.
that's lust and disgusting

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Has Bush ever read this?
Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
Not if there's a thunderstorm in the area they might not

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
Like the taxman?

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
as you get older you get deaf

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
don't say it on the phone - the wife may check the calls list
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
unless you're 5ft2" and the other is 6ft4"
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
receive therapy for 6 months after you divorce and she's cleared you out
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
Lust
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
depends how much money you've got
NINE. Love! deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
you'll get hurt only if the wife finds out (see 4 above)
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
why not? it gives you a rough idea
TWELVE. Talk slowly
then people will get bored and walk off or fall asleep
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
just ignore it - lots of people do
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
see 9 and 4 above
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
if you're not in an English speaking country, people will think your bonkers
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
next time, cheat
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your action.
fourth R = Rare if you do the first 3
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
tell that to Israel and Palestine
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
or blame someone else
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
They'll hear it when you tell them to bugger off coz you don't want double glazing
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
when the divorce comes through

Col

>
.
.
.
Are you a mean Mom or Dad?
Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that
motivates a parent, I will tell them:

I loved you enough...to ask where you were going, with whom, and what
time you would be home..

I loved you enough...to insist that you save your money and buy a bike
for yourself even though we could afford to buy one for you.

I loved you enough...to be silent and let you discover that your new
best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough...to make you go pay for the bubble gum you had taken
and tell the clerk, "I stole this yesterday and want to pay for it".

I loved you enough...to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned
your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.

I loved you enough...to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in
my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough...to let you assume the responsibility for your
actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my
heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough...to say NO when I knew you would
hate me for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm glad I
won them, because in the end you won, too.

And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic
that motivates parents, you will tell them....

Was your Mom mean? I know mine was. We had the meanest Mother in the
whole world!

While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs,
and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to
eat sandwiches. And you can guess our Mother fixed us a dinner that was
different from what other kids had, too.

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we
were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and
what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be
gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child
Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds,
learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all
sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of
more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth.

By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds. Then, life was
really tough! Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when
they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.

While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait
until we were 16.

Because of our Mother we missed out on lots of things other kids
experienced.

None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's
property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.>

Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are
doing our best to be mean parents like Mom was.

I think that is what's wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have
enough mean Moms.

>
I loved you enough...to ask where you were going, with whom, and what
time you would be home..

.
No, you were just a nosy cow with no life of your own

I loved you enough...to insist that you save your money and buy a bike
for yourself even though we could afford to buy one for you.

We could have if we'd bought ourselves a sensible sized car, but we're selfish and wanted you to suffer, so we bought a 4x4 instead

I loved you enough...to be silent and let you discover that your new
best friend was a creep.
No, you just knew I'd tell you to mind your own business, It's my life

We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child
Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds,
learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all
sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of
more things for us to do.

That's because she was a lazy cow and didn't want to do the housework herself

And you can guess our Mother fixed us a dinner that was
different from what other kids had, too.
Yeah and even the dog wouldn't eat it, fortunately we had so much money we could eat every day at MacDonalds

Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we
were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and
what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be
gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.

My mother was such a selfish cow she saw me only at mealtimes during the school hols

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth.
Crap! I found out from my mates at school that I didn't arrive slung underneath a bloody stork


They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.
Only cause she was a randy sod who fancied my mates

While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait
until we were 16.

Only because she was a frustrated cow with no life of her own

None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's
property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.>

Yep, she taught us everything she knew, how to avoid the cops etc

Pretty good. Corny, but pretty good:

Pledge (http://patriotfiles.org/Pledge.htm)

(Helps if you remember him being on live tv...)

Paranoic and arrogantbullshit (http://patriotfilesannex.org/General_Patton_Message.htm) from the same site

I believe you meant paranoiac, but that really raises the old hackles :p !

Paranoic and arrogantbullshit from the same site

Well,
It seems we have a long way to go.

I believe you meant paranoiac, but that really raises the old hackles :p !
:D :D :D
I daren't post anymore from that site, you guys'll all end up committing suicide :eek:

> >> Thought you might like to be in on this late-breaking news.
> >>
> >>
> >> 11:00 PM PARIS, France -- Lance Armstrong's record setting seventh
> >> Tour de France victory, along with his entire Tour de France
> >> legacy, may be tarnished by what could turn out to be one of the
> >> greatest sports scandals of all time. Armstrong is being quizzed by
> >> French police after three banned substances were found in his South
> >> France hotel room while on vacation after winning the 2005 Tour de
> >> France.
> >>
> >> The three substances found were toothpaste, deodorant, and soap -
> >> which have been banned by French authorities for over 75 years.
> >> Armstrong's girlfriend and American rocker Sheryl Crowe is quoted
> >> as saying "we use them every day in America, so we naturally
> >> thought they'd be ok throughout Europe."
> >>
> >> Along with these three banned substances, French authorities also
> >> physically searched Armstrong himself and found several other
> >> items that they have never seen before, including a backbone and balls.

Children just tell it like it is with no sugar coating.


Jesse Jackson, while visiting a primary school class, found himself in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the Rev. Jackson if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.?

"No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted spiritual leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Rev. Jackson searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Rev. Jackson were struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident!"

:p :p :p

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.!
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.
A Minute: They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Take the time .. to live and love.

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers
4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
8. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
10. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
11. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
12. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
13. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
14. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
15. OK, . . . . so what's the speed of dark?
16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
18. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
19. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
20. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
24. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
25. Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
27. Life isn't like a box of chocolates.... it's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

:p :p :p

21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
You're 3/4 dead.

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Hmmm....so the closer a relationship gets to the societal norm (ie., married with children), the dumber the partners become? Fascinating!

So, using smart, dumb, men and women, we can solve for:

romance
affair
marriage
pregnancy

Now, how do we solve for Gay?
(I have an educated quess, but I'll yield to the voice of experience :p :p ...)

So, using smart, dumb, men and women, we can solve for:

romance
affair
marriage
pregnancy

Now, how do we solve for Gay?
(I have an educated quess, but I'll yield to the voice of experience :p :p ...)
smart man + smart man = double the romance
smart man + dumb man = romantic "marriage"
dumb man + dumb man = STDs

:D :D :D

(I have an educated quess, ...)
Hmmmm....how educated, Ken? :confused: :p ;)

Hmmmm....how educated, Ken? :confused: :p ;)

Whoops :o

Make that un-educated... :p :p :p

Make that un-educated... :p :p :p
' been trying to tell you that all along, politely of course :cool:

.:) :) :)
.
.
.
1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

Do you have any evidence to support these claims? ;) :D

Ref #2 - I'm guessing none of them are in th UK :) :)

Ref #2 - I'm guessing none of them are in th UK :) :)
Even less likely in the US, I suspect the writer was Muslim, or some other non Christian religion

Ahh hades, you all know a woman had to write it. :P It is way to sweet and thoughtful to be written otherwise.

Ahh hades, you all know a woman had to write it.

That figures,

That figures,

:D ;)

:D ;)

Is that the little Java man you have tied up in your avatar?

Is that the little Java man you have tied up in your avatar?
I'm not sure, who it is now. He is suppose to be wiggling and struggling, but it doesn't show that here. :confused: It would have a much better effect.

I just fell in love with it when I saw it.

I just fell in love with it when I saw it.
was it the eyes? :confused:

was it the eyes? :confused:
Yes, it was the look of fear in the li'l thing as it struggled while being tied up! *purrsss* Not going any further here at work. Give me a few hours and a PM and I can explain more if you like Richy boy! ;)

Yes, it was the look of fear in the li'l thing as it struggled while being tied up! *purrsss* Not going any fur