Recent content by GSM

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes Ken, This was Fah King Fu Ni !!

Just the two as it's Friday afternoon........ A mother and her son were flying Are Lingus from Dublin to Heathrow. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The...

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he...

An older man goes in for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along. The doctor enters the examination room and says to the man, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample." The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The...

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing...

The couple had been debating the purchase of a new vehicle for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their...

A woman starts dating a married doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what...

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure...

Diamonds really are a girls best friend!!!! A boyfriend, not happy with his girlfriends' mood swings, bought her a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor her moods. When she is in a good mood it turns green. However, when she is in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red mark on...

The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE exams, and are some of the answers given by British students writing their fifth form GCSE Exams last year. These are genuine responses from 16 year olds. Geography Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and...

No idea if these have previously been posted! A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the...

Sorry Aden I might of misinterpreted your posting Did you manage to EXPORT the data if so how did you perform this? Can I suggest creating a macro and selection TransferText and select transfer type as Export Delimited.

Check your table and code. I have attached screen shots of Ken's suggestion.

A man is picking some apples from the fruit counter at the supermarket when a young and attractive woman beside him turns, smiles and says hello. He can't remember ever having seen her before, but smiles and nods politely. "Err, hello," he says. The woman can see he doesn't recognise her, and...

Normally I would agree that between ourselves we should and could have a debate either seriously or in fun. However, the offending post was in my humble opinion of a paedophile nature. I am sure that no ill harm was intended and it was just a joke in very bad taste.