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"Osama bin Laden was apparently shot twice in the face. It looks like Dick Cheney may have been involved." –Jay Leno "Bin Laden was living in a house with no Internet access, which explains why there were all those bin Laden sightings at the Islamabad Kinko's." –Conan O'Brien "The...

Sorry to hear the news. Hope and pray that your wife will get better soon. Hope you will have a peace about it and the strength to help and comfort her.

Thanks for letting us know about your great news. You are now cancer free. Enjoy your life to the max.

A journalist walks into the hospital and tells the desk nurse, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor." "There is no such doctor" she tells him. "Perhaps you would like to see someone else?" "No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he says. "But there is no such doctor," she replies. "We have doctors...

Sid was traveling down a country road in his native Yorkshire, England when he saw a crowd of people gathering outside a farmhouse. It was a cold November afternoon, so he stopped and asked Farmer Ellis why such a large crowd of men was gathered there. The farmer replied, 'Jo's donkey kicked...

How about the great Organization called NATO (Needs America To Operate)?

I guess some folks always find the glass half empty when they talk about USA.

I heard this about a Frenchman and an Englishman. The Englishman was boasting about their military victories for the French. Englishman: "we are victorious over the French because we pray to God." Frenchman: "We also pray to God." Englishman: "But we pray in English."

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse...

Times have changed: In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English. In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses. Today, it's the size of his minivan. In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a...

7 Degrees of Blonde FIRST DEGREE: A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know! It...

A famous American singer was flying out of LA. While going through security at the airport, a TSA officer touched her breast. She stated singing: "Ooh booby love, my booby love I need you, oh how I need you"

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money...

Four men rode in a car: a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a computer engineer. The car stalled out. The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the pistons; let's repair them and be on our way." The electrical engineer said, "It has to be the spark plugs...

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good samaritans and get him home. So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the...

Dear Father, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply �an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. After receiving his son's letter, the father...

I saw this quote: Douglas Shulman says he uses a hired tax preparer because the U.S. tax code is so complex. That's a bad sign. He's the I.R.S. commissioner. my comment: what about ordinary folks like you and me?

Donkey raffle A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died.""Well then, just give me my money...

A Cajun joke Quibodeaux, Thibodeaux and Boudreaux were sitting in a boat on a very cloudy day fishing. They had been fishing a good while when the sky suddenly opened up just above them and a ray of light shined down directly on the front of the boat. It spooked them and they started to get...

Answering machine messages: Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you...