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I heard this about a Frenchman and an Englishman. The Englishman was boasting about their military victories for the French. Englishman: "we are victorious over the French because we pray to God." Frenchman: "We also pray to God." Englishman: "But we pray in English."

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson: "But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse...

Times have changed: In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English. In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses. Today, it's the size of his minivan. In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a...

7 Degrees of Blonde FIRST DEGREE: A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know! It...

A famous American singer was flying out of LA. While going through security at the airport, a TSA officer touched her breast. She stated singing: "Ooh booby love, my booby love I need you, oh how I need you"

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money...

Four men rode in a car: a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a computer engineer. The car stalled out. The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the pistons; let's repair them and be on our way." The electrical engineer said, "It has to be the spark plugs...

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. A man is at the bar, really drunk. Some guys decide to be good samaritans and get him home. So they pick him up off the floor, and drag him out the door. On the way to the...

Dear Father, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply �an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. After receiving his son's letter, the father...

I saw this quote: Douglas Shulman says he uses a hired tax preparer because the U.S. tax code is so complex. That's a bad sign. He's the I.R.S. commissioner. my comment: what about ordinary folks like you and me?

Donkey raffle A Cajun named Jean Paul moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died.""Well then, just give me my money...

A Cajun joke Quibodeaux, Thibodeaux and Boudreaux were sitting in a boat on a very cloudy day fishing. They had been fishing a good while when the sky suddenly opened up just above them and a ray of light shined down directly on the front of the boat. It spooked them and they started to get...

Answering machine messages: Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you...

My question: Will America's (USA) standard of living go up or down for the next generation? For the first time in decades, I am wondering whether the next generation will have a lower standard of living. My observations are given below: 1. The prosperity of the 1990's (Clinton era) may not be...

Life Insurance Mary was discussing the various aspects and possible outcome of the insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency. During the discussion, she asked. "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today for a million dollars, and tomorrow he dies? What will I get?"...

Delta Airlines At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my family picked up our luggage and...

Nativity in the digital age: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkHNNPM7pJA

Only on an American airline... All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. On a Southwest flight 245 (SW has no assigned seating, you just...

I do not have the exact quote or the picture. Back in the 1970s (when I worked for IBM), many programmers had a picture on the wall of a human skeleton touching an IBM 3270 terminal (display monitor). Beneath the picture was a quote "Has the system responded yet?" If any one has the picture...

Computer Predictions 'I think there is a world market for maybe five computers' * Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943 'While a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 10000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers of the future may have only 1000 vacuum tubes and weigh only 1.5 tons.'...