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Old 06-18-2016, 04:10 PM   #2671
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Talking Re: What's your best/worst joke?

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Old 06-20-2016, 09:38 AM   #2672
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

Ah, but Rx, some of us from that thread know where NOT to look...
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Old 06-24-2016, 10:24 AM   #2673
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

The best Greek post-Brexit joke yet: "Oh well, we didn't make it out of the EU last year, but today at least half the Parthenon did"!
Day one of Brexit. The Zimbabwean dollar is up against the pound. (I wish I were joking).
Photo from the Channel Tunnel this morning

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Old 06-29-2016, 04:40 AM   #2674
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

Brotain and America are having a competition to see which country is the dumber. At present Britain is leading but America has a Trump card
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Old 06-29-2016, 05:12 AM   #2675
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

Quote:
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Brotain and America are having a competition to see which country is the dumber. At present Britain is leading but America has a Trump card
I would like to challenge your statement.

I think US has done more dumb things that UK.
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Old 06-29-2016, 06:51 AM   #2676
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

Late Night TV Shows - Jokes from Last Election

"Hillary Clinton visited Egypt today for the first time since the uprising. When asked why she went, Bill Clinton said, "Believe me, if anyone can stop an uprising, it's Hillary."

"Well, the talk is that Hillary Clinton is going to try and help unite the party.
She's going to unite the party. But today Bill Clinton says, according to his experience, the party is usually over whenever Hillary shows up." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton says she isn't dropping out because there are still six states that haven't had their Democratic primary. That's right. Barack Obama's favored in the states of Oregon, Montana and South Dakota, and Hillary is favored in the state of denial." --Conan O'Brien (Remembering how she demanded Bernie drop out when she was so far behind with Obama)

"Hillary was caught in a bit of a lie. When she was first lady, she went to Bosnia when it was war-torn. She said that she faced sniper fire -- never happened. And had to run to the car for cover -- never happened. If only she had channeled that active fantasy world into her marriage." --Bill Maher

2016 Hillary Jokes
To Goldman Sachs' booking Clinton for a speech: If you've got $675,000 lying around, don't book Hillary Clinton. For that much money you can get Kevin Hart.

"Hillary Clinton's new campaign slogan is 'Stronger Together.' Which replaces her old slogan, 'Go****mit, It's My Turn!'" –Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton had a big night, picking up victories in seven states. While speaking in Miami last night Hillary said, 'I believe what we need in America today is more love and kindness.' Then she added, 'And I will crush anyone who won't let me do it.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"CNN will break new ground by live streaming the next primary debate in virtual reality. With the help of a virtual reality headset, users can actually watch the debates from the perspective of an audience member. It'll feel like you're seeing Hillary Clinton right in front of you, but she's not actually there — just like the real Hillary Clinton!" –Stephen Colbert

"Last week, the firefighters' union announced that it was no longer supporting Hillary for president. You know your campaign's in trouble when firefighters are like, 'Even WE can't put out that many fires.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said that one of the jobs that prepared her to be president was sliming fish in Alaska. As opposed to Bill, who learned by catching crabs in Cancun." –Jimmy Fallon

"Hillary Clinton is headed to L.A. this month to attend a fundraiser hosted by 'Spider-Man' star Tobey Maguire. Hillary is a big fan of Spider-Man because he proves that Americans still love sequels." –Jimmy Fallon


"Another scandal for Hillary Clinton — they're saying she used a private email address when she was secretary of state, which means the government couldn't archive and preserve her emails. Then President Obama said, 'Don't worry, we saw them. We see everyone's emails.'" –Jimmy Fallon

And then of course the PUNdits
Why won't Hillary let her campaign staffers exercise?
She doesn't want them to "Feel The Bern".

Why is Hillary Clinton running for President?
Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.

Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?
She wants to be the first lady.

Why should conservatives vote for Hillary?
Because a woman's place is in the White House.

Why shouldn't Republicans worry about losing in 2016?
Apparently depression is covered by Obamacare.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a plane.
The plane crashed. Who survived?
America

Hillary Clinton was addressing a group of American Indians in New York telling them all she did as senator and all she plans to do for them as President.
At the end of the meeting the chief gave her a plaque with her honorary tribal name, Walking Eagle.
After she left someone asked the chief if there is any meaning to that name.
He said "A walking Eagle is a bird that is so full of crap, it can not fly."
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Old 06-29-2016, 11:05 AM   #2677
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dick7Access View Post
I would like to challenge your statement.

I think US has done more dumb things that UK.
I am sure Colin would agree with you

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Old 06-29-2016, 03:36 PM   #2678
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Talking Re: What's your best/worst joke?

OK, I can tell that you are talking about ME now. I will confess ...
I think that I have personally done more dumb things than the UK.

Can we forget about it and move on?
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Old 06-29-2016, 05:06 PM   #2679
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rx_ View Post
OK, I can tell that you are talking about ME now. I will confess ...
I think that I have personally done more dumb things than the UK.

Can we forget about it and move on?
can't be you I am talking about, as I don't know what dumb things you have done. Luckily for me you know know the dumb things I have done. I so envy those on the forum that has never done a dumb thing!!!
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Old 06-30-2016, 07:13 AM   #2680
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

I try not to count the number of dumb things I do (a day). I am not sure I can count that high :-)
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Old 07-14-2016, 03:24 PM   #2681
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

GCF: Gambling

When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one
that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."

So, I call them and say, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer
has a seven. What do I do?"
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Old 07-22-2016, 04:14 PM   #2682
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

GCF: Rattlesnakes

My husband was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a
ball into the rough. As he headed for the brush to find his ball, the
chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out."

The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting
assistance with removing the snakes.

"You've got to be kidding," my husband replied in astonishment.
"People actually call the fire department to help them with
rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?"

"Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is, 'Is it on fire?'"
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Old 07-26-2016, 06:51 AM   #2683
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Smile Re: What's your best/worst joke?

What do you call an Alligator in a vest? an Investigator!
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Old 08-19-2016, 06:05 PM   #2684
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

There was a church that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons, (if you eat them they make you pucker, because they are so sour) and rub them on your breasts and maybe they would shrink in size. She agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said: 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will not hath a thermon tewday.'
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Old 08-20-2016, 08:20 AM   #2685
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Re: What's your best/worst joke?

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