ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lay there.
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: In what way does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: "Cathy, where am I?"
ATTORNEY: Why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty one.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
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ATTORNEY: The date of the conception ( of the baby ) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: What were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....I was gettin' laid.....
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS : Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you serious? Your Honor, I need a different attorney...Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: By whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or female?
WITNESS: Guess......
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here today pursuant to a deposition notice I sent to you attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
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ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started about 8:00 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Smith was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.....
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Uh, are you qualified to ask that question?
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AND LAST
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Then, could it be possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be sure?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive anyway?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible he could have been alive and practicing law.......
