Face the truth - Relational intelligence (1 Viewer)

KitaYama

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We used to Marry till death do us part, Today we Marry till Love dies.
We used to Marry and have sex for the first time, Today you Marry and you stop having sex with others.
We used to have monogamy one person for life and today monogamy is one person at a time
and everybody says I'm monogamous in all my relationships.
Men practically have a license to cheat.
What we know is that men and women lie. Men lie by exaggerating, by boasting and by inflating. And women lie by denying and by minimizing because that's what is expected from them culturally world wide.
Esther Perel

I came across a post in TikTok a while back and it made me think hard about marriage. I read all several thousands replies to the post and I saw how different people with different backgrounds think about relationship. I started reading on-line articles and watching a lot of clips on this title to find out the difference between our culture and west and how different we are from the rest.
I came across Esther Perel, a Belgian psychotherapist that made me think more harder about my own marriage.
The following clip maybe of interest for some of you.

I'd like to hear about your part, if you have any to share. Specially, specially, where do you draw the line for infidelity. What's the definition of infidelity for you?

 
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Jon

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People live a lot longer nowadays than at any time in history. Life expectancy 200 years ago was typically around 40, where people died of infectious diseases. Now it is 80 in the West. So, you have perhaps an average marriage length of 20 years back in those days compared to 50 years now, if you stay together. That is a huge difference.
 

The_Doc_Man

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I have to agree that marriages frequently DO fall apart. The interview video makes it clear that sometimes marital love is ephemeral.

My wife and I have been married 27 years and we are not at all likely to step out on each other. We are monogamous. BUT I cannot condemn divorce. I am my wife's 2nd husband because her 1st fell out of love with her. I know he made a mistake to let her go but I can't condemn him because his error made her available for me. He is now on his 3rd wife and SHE keeps the leash tight on THAT dog. And his kids by my sweetie have anywhere from grudging contact to no contact at all with him, because in the "classic" sense, he was the one who stepped out on the marriage (four times) and finally when she said "Either couples therapy or we are done" he walked away. My step-kids and I are reasonably close, and I've got grandsons out of the deal.

I am ALSO my mother's son by her 2nd husband although that wasn't a divorce due to infidelity. It had gone to the point that he became violent to others due to suspected infidelity and unwarranted jealousy. I'll spare you the rest of the story, but it involved a physically violent event and after that, Mom had enough. Split and actually left the city, moved two states away - which is where she met my father.

And my stepdaughter is going through a divorce because her partner and she have drifted apart. Their original relationship, I think, was less about love and more about lust or other short-term attractors - or perhaps because they didn't wait long enough to see if they could stand to be around each other long-term. So when those factors fade, do you "tough it out" or do you split and roll the dice again?

My shrink told me that the biggest mistake I could make was to rush into a relationship out of desperation or impatience, or worse, because SHE was rushing me along - because that old song is actually true: Take Time to Know Her.

 

Steve R.

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People live a lot longer nowadays than at any time in history. Life expectancy 200 years ago was typically around 40, where people died of infectious diseases. Now it is 80 in the West. So, you have perhaps an average marriage length of 20 years back in those days compared to 50 years now, if you stay together. That is a huge difference.
Society has also evolved, maybe not for the better. Family and religion (moral character) were more important in the past, Now we are seeing that there is much less significance to forming one family unit. Men and women, now have may divergent "pulls". Men can pursue their own career and so can women. Women today are less dependent on men than in the past. In fact, women now can receive third party support (government welfare, as one example) so they can pursue independent (not dependent on a male) life/careers. Today we also live in a culture, as @Galaxiom alludes to that promotes the concept of "toxic masculinity".

In terms of marriage and affairs, the "strings" holding a marriage together, in today's society, have been weakened.
 
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