prabha_friend
Prabhakaran Karuppaih
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Without Losing Your Dignity? How? Please Tell me that Secret to Success...
Is there to way to Quench your Social Deprivation?
- Thread starter prabha_friend
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Your chain of posts suggest you are struggling with life. We don't really know you that well so it is hard to give sound advice.
Do you have a passion for anything at all? Joining a club can be a good way to meet people who share your interests.
Do you have a passion for anything at all? Joining a club can be a good way to meet people who share your interests.
prabha_friend
Prabhakaran Karuppaih
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Okay. I will stop posting then 
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On the other hand, if this is a social outlet to you, perhaps it isn't so terrible that you ask questions about how other people approach problems. If you didn't get those skills from your parents, you have to try to get them somewhere else. It certainly is not an annoyance at the level of doing anything to restrict your account.
Having said that, I would point out that many of us are unable to offer much help because (a) Galaxiom is right - we don't know you or the details of your local culture well enough to have a meaningful opinion, and (b) most of us do not have a degree in social work or psychology. Therefore, go ahead and ask your questions in the hope of getting an answer - but be aware that often you will not get much of an answer because for most of us, the question of this thread is "not in our wheelhouse." Not our strength. Not our expertise.
OK, with regard to your main question: I was socially inept for a long time. "Why" is too long a story. When I was on stage performing my music, it was all impersonal. The "groupies" weren't interested in me, they wanted glamor - and since I wasn't a famous performer, the groupies went elsewhere. Off the stage, I had no social skills. It wasn't that my college had no attractive eligible young women, but that I could never approach them due to my personal level of shyness.
In order to try to change my luck in that regard, I decided to take dancing lessons - in my case, ballroom dancing. As a side-effect of doing that, I HAD to interact at least somewhat with the various dance partners I encountered. Before I stopped the lessons, I had reached the point that I was dancing to "silver" standard - which meant that I was a better dancer than about 90% of the dancers I met at local church-sponsored "singles" dances. (Very few "gold" standard dancers go to "singles" dances.) Whatever I was doing, it worked because after a few months of attending ballroom events, I met my sweetie at one of those dances. She was alone for the evening and looking for social interaction as well. We danced a few dances that evening before I found the courage to ask her out for a date. One date led to another. About 18 months later I proposed marriage, she said "Yes", and 18 months (or so) after that, we were married. After 28+ years, we are STILL married.
@prabha_friend, I'm not suggesting that you should take dancing lessons. Not at all. The takeaway from this is that I analyzed a way to force myself into a bit of (social) risk. Ballroom dancing required music to be played and I liked that style of music. Then, because I was paying for the lessons, I actually TOOK the lessons. (I'm too cheap to throw money away, despite the social risks.) So I found a thing I liked and found a loosely-related activity that would give me my social practice. On the dance floor I knew I would not perform a dancing faux pas because there, I was confident. That confidence boost paid off to the point that now I'm a grandpa.
Think of something you like and leverage it into a social activity. Do you like art? Either join an art class or or an art appreciation club. Do you like card games? Join a bridge club. Do you like nature walks? Join a nature society or conservation society. The idea is to find something you like and parley it into something that will bring you in contact with people. Because you like the topic and probably know something about it, you will have the confidence of subject-matter knowledge that will reduce some of the tension associated with meeting new people. After that, you are on your own - just as I once was.
Having said that, I would point out that many of us are unable to offer much help because (a) Galaxiom is right - we don't know you or the details of your local culture well enough to have a meaningful opinion, and (b) most of us do not have a degree in social work or psychology. Therefore, go ahead and ask your questions in the hope of getting an answer - but be aware that often you will not get much of an answer because for most of us, the question of this thread is "not in our wheelhouse." Not our strength. Not our expertise.
OK, with regard to your main question: I was socially inept for a long time. "Why" is too long a story. When I was on stage performing my music, it was all impersonal. The "groupies" weren't interested in me, they wanted glamor - and since I wasn't a famous performer, the groupies went elsewhere. Off the stage, I had no social skills. It wasn't that my college had no attractive eligible young women, but that I could never approach them due to my personal level of shyness.
In order to try to change my luck in that regard, I decided to take dancing lessons - in my case, ballroom dancing. As a side-effect of doing that, I HAD to interact at least somewhat with the various dance partners I encountered. Before I stopped the lessons, I had reached the point that I was dancing to "silver" standard - which meant that I was a better dancer than about 90% of the dancers I met at local church-sponsored "singles" dances. (Very few "gold" standard dancers go to "singles" dances.) Whatever I was doing, it worked because after a few months of attending ballroom events, I met my sweetie at one of those dances. She was alone for the evening and looking for social interaction as well. We danced a few dances that evening before I found the courage to ask her out for a date. One date led to another. About 18 months later I proposed marriage, she said "Yes", and 18 months (or so) after that, we were married. After 28+ years, we are STILL married.
@prabha_friend, I'm not suggesting that you should take dancing lessons. Not at all. The takeaway from this is that I analyzed a way to force myself into a bit of (social) risk. Ballroom dancing required music to be played and I liked that style of music. Then, because I was paying for the lessons, I actually TOOK the lessons. (I'm too cheap to throw money away, despite the social risks.) So I found a thing I liked and found a loosely-related activity that would give me my social practice. On the dance floor I knew I would not perform a dancing faux pas because there, I was confident. That confidence boost paid off to the point that now I'm a grandpa.
Think of something you like and leverage it into a social activity. Do you like art? Either join an art class or or an art appreciation club. Do you like card games? Join a bridge club. Do you like nature walks? Join a nature society or conservation society. The idea is to find something you like and parley it into something that will bring you in contact with people. Because you like the topic and probably know something about it, you will have the confidence of subject-matter knowledge that will reduce some of the tension associated with meeting new people. After that, you are on your own - just as I once was.
My wife acts in amateur theatre. She has seen a number of people overcome their social ineptness by getting involved.
Around where I live theatres are crying out for people with technical skills to do sound and lighting or manage their web presence. It can be a good way in. Eventually some of them go on to give acting a try when a part comes up that suits them. There has always been a shortage of men to act in theatres here. A man who can sing can walk straight into a part.
One of the great things with acting it is an opportunity to practice being someone completely different. My wife acts with a guy who can totally transform himself into anyone as bold and outrageous as you like yet his normal persona is quite timid.
Around where I live theatres are crying out for people with technical skills to do sound and lighting or manage their web presence. It can be a good way in. Eventually some of them go on to give acting a try when a part comes up that suits them. There has always been a shortage of men to act in theatres here. A man who can sing can walk straight into a part.
One of the great things with acting it is an opportunity to practice being someone completely different. My wife acts with a guy who can totally transform himself into anyone as bold and outrageous as you like yet his normal persona is quite timid.
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Thanks, G. Exactly the point. Social deprivation cannot survive active involvement.
Isaac
Lifelong Learner
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For a really long time, and still today, joining a sincere community of Faith in God with a track record of doing good and which has produced or contains many happy and stable families is a really good idea...But as with any interaction with people, it only "works" if done with a humble, open heart.
The other thing that works well for me is volunteering or serving others. Even if a person signs up to do it for the sole purpose that they themselves need the social interactions - that's fine, enjoy the benefit that comes from the verse "It is more blessed to give than to receive".
The quickest way to get some automatic friends is volunteer together.
Think about it. You have some respect for each other going in with no question, because you know you're both doing something good right in that very moment. You spend time together doing the volunteer activity. Other people are helped. You make friends. You get your mind off yourself and on others, which miraculously helps your own self right away. It's win-win!
The other thing that works well for me is volunteering or serving others. Even if a person signs up to do it for the sole purpose that they themselves need the social interactions - that's fine, enjoy the benefit that comes from the verse "It is more blessed to give than to receive".
The quickest way to get some automatic friends is volunteer together.
Think about it. You have some respect for each other going in with no question, because you know you're both doing something good right in that very moment. You spend time together doing the volunteer activity. Other people are helped. You make friends. You get your mind off yourself and on others, which miraculously helps your own self right away. It's win-win!
