The 1st Affair
>
> A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went
> to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and
> woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his
> shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and
> drove home.
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> "I can't lie to you," he replied,
> "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
> She looked down at his shoes and said:
> "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
> -----------------------------------------------------
> The 2nd Affair
>
> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
> having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always
> wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
> The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was
> horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife:
> "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two
> beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my
> back?"
> The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
> "Not this time!"
> ---------------------------------------------------
> The 3rd Affair
>
> A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr.
> Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz
> had the largest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,"
> the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an
> impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed
> it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home
> "I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening
> his briefcase.
> "My God!" the wife exclaimed, Schwartz is dead!"
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> The 4th Affair
> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
> front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
> She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
> "Don't move until I tell you," she said," pretend you're a statue."
> "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
> "Oh it's a statue," she replied," the Smiths bought one and I liked it so
> I got one for us too. No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
> Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
> sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood
> like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned
> thing."
> -----------------------------------------------------
> The 5th Affair
>
> A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly,
> Sir, that'll be one cent."
> "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
> He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a
> bottle of wine?"
> "A nickel," the barman replied.
> A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
>
> The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
> The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
> The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down
> here."
> -------------------------------------------------
>
> The 6th Affair
>
> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said
> weakly: I have something I must confess."
> "There's no need to, "his wife replied.
> "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
> your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
> "I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."
>
> A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went
> to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and
> woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his
> shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and
> drove home.
> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
> "I can't lie to you," he replied,
> "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
> She looked down at his shoes and said:
> "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
> -----------------------------------------------------
> The 2nd Affair
>
> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about
> having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always
> wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
> The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was
> horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife:
> "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two
> beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my
> back?"
> The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
> "Not this time!"
> ---------------------------------------------------
> The 3rd Affair
>
> A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr.
> Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz
> had the largest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,"
> the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an
> impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed
> it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home
> "I have something to show you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening
> his briefcase.
> "My God!" the wife exclaimed, Schwartz is dead!"
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> The 4th Affair
> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
> front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
> She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
> "Don't move until I tell you," she said," pretend you're a statue."
> "What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
> "Oh it's a statue," she replied," the Smiths bought one and I liked it so
> I got one for us too. No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
> Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
> sandwich and a beer. "Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood
> like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned
> thing."
> -----------------------------------------------------
> The 5th Affair
>
> A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly,
> Sir, that'll be one cent."
> "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
> He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a
> bottle of wine?"
> "A nickel," the barman replied.
> A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
>
> The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
> The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
> The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down
> here."
> -------------------------------------------------
>
> The 6th Affair
>
> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said
> weakly: I have something I must confess."
> "There's no need to, "his wife replied.
> "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
> your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
> "I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."
