prabha_friend
Prabhakaran Karuppaih
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Why some people Never get any Girlfriends in their Life? (1 Viewer)
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NauticalGent
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It could be you want it too bad? That can translate into desperation which is a HUGE turn-off to both sexes...
But then, this IS a forum for geeks and everyone knows the geeks never get the girl...!
But then, this IS a forum for geeks and everyone knows the geeks never get the girl...!
prabha_friend
Prabhakaran Karuppaih
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100% True
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The typical answer is that if you give in to desperation, it shows and becomes a real turn-off. But there is another answer and it is MUCH harder to implement (depending your degree of geek factor).
To get a girlfriend, you have to start by BEING a friend - to yourself. Which means you cannot immerse yourself in your work to the point that you become terrible company. I was in my 30s had no people skills. Further, I had been immersed in taking care of my mother, who was slowly failing as she faded into the depths of Alzheimer's Disease. At the time, if you talked to me, I couldn't concentrate on your topic because I was in over my head in the issues of my mother's care. But she died and I tried to go on with my life.
In my case, I went to a local ballroom dance studio to learn how to dance - but there was a hidden motive in that it meant I HAD to be able to interact with non-geek people. I avoided getting trapped in the studio's "competition" track - because that way led to its own class of geek-ness - but made it through their "silver" standard. I wasn't a professional-class dancer but I was better than 90% of the people I met on the dance floor.
I willingly got involved in activities that were decidedly non-geeky. Most of the "singles" clubs were hot-beds of desperation so I eventually dropped away from those events. When I finally met the woman I would eventually marry, it was at a church-sponsored but open ballroom dance event. She was standing on the sidelines, looking wistfully at the dancers on the floor like she wished she were out there, so I asked her to dance and we talked. I told her what I did but then we talked about music we liked and didn't like. We talked about food. We talked about vacations. We talked strictly non-geek for the rest of the night. It was enough to get a date, which led to another and another. And just short of 3 years later we were married. This November will be 28 years of marriage.
So my advice is to recognize and interact with the non-geeks of the world. Hey, it IS possible that you will accidentally run into another geek who is doing the same thing as you - but just remember that bits and bytes aren't romantic. Aesthetics typically ARE romantic. Be interested in the person you are with and DON'T WORRY about whether you are interesting to her. Either you are or you aren't, but don't worry over it. Be your natural self and just hope that whoever sniffs at your bait is a good catch. Remember, good sports fisherman are proponents of "catch and release" - so if your first catch isn't right, just keep fishing. You might yet land a keeper.
To get a girlfriend, you have to start by BEING a friend - to yourself. Which means you cannot immerse yourself in your work to the point that you become terrible company. I was in my 30s had no people skills. Further, I had been immersed in taking care of my mother, who was slowly failing as she faded into the depths of Alzheimer's Disease. At the time, if you talked to me, I couldn't concentrate on your topic because I was in over my head in the issues of my mother's care. But she died and I tried to go on with my life.
In my case, I went to a local ballroom dance studio to learn how to dance - but there was a hidden motive in that it meant I HAD to be able to interact with non-geek people. I avoided getting trapped in the studio's "competition" track - because that way led to its own class of geek-ness - but made it through their "silver" standard. I wasn't a professional-class dancer but I was better than 90% of the people I met on the dance floor.
I willingly got involved in activities that were decidedly non-geeky. Most of the "singles" clubs were hot-beds of desperation so I eventually dropped away from those events. When I finally met the woman I would eventually marry, it was at a church-sponsored but open ballroom dance event. She was standing on the sidelines, looking wistfully at the dancers on the floor like she wished she were out there, so I asked her to dance and we talked. I told her what I did but then we talked about music we liked and didn't like. We talked about food. We talked about vacations. We talked strictly non-geek for the rest of the night. It was enough to get a date, which led to another and another. And just short of 3 years later we were married. This November will be 28 years of marriage.
So my advice is to recognize and interact with the non-geeks of the world. Hey, it IS possible that you will accidentally run into another geek who is doing the same thing as you - but just remember that bits and bytes aren't romantic. Aesthetics typically ARE romantic. Be interested in the person you are with and DON'T WORRY about whether you are interesting to her. Either you are or you aren't, but don't worry over it. Be your natural self and just hope that whoever sniffs at your bait is a good catch. Remember, good sports fisherman are proponents of "catch and release" - so if your first catch isn't right, just keep fishing. You might yet land a keeper.
AccessBlaster
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Try listening, resists the temptation to be right. Be funny when possible, and generous with your time and money.
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Going to a salsa class is a good idea. Why? Because it puts you into repeated contact with lots of different women, and often the women outnumber the men. Like most things in life, it is a numbers game. The alternative is to give yourself near zero exposure, which results in near zero opportunity.
As a side gig, go on Tinder etc. and swipe everybody!
As a side gig, go on Tinder etc. and swipe everybody!
Isaac
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Possibly because you're looking for girlfriend rather than wife.
I'd skip the whole 'game' phase and look for a wife, it's getting straight to what is needed and skipping a looooong list of risky consequences in between.
conception_native_0123
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i got them and so do you gent. seems you are wrong.
NauticalGent
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I paid some random woman to pose with me so everyone would think I got game...
NauticalGent
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Yes!! You know her too?!??
conception_native_0123
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lookin good then, Gent!
strive4peace
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hi @prabha_friend
You don't need anyone else to make you complete -- sadly, that is an environmental learning. What you manifest (think about) has priority.
Keep doing what you're good at.
We're all given gifts and we're all connected.
on a philosophical level, of which I have little understanding about ...
If you 'wish'...the universe will make your WISH keep happening -- you want, but don't have, so you don't get it. Instead, visualize what you want as being how it IS ... and the universe will make THAT happen --
However ... you are all you need
You don't need anyone else to make you complete -- sadly, that is an environmental learning. What you manifest (think about) has priority.
Keep doing what you're good at.
We're all given gifts and we're all connected.
on a philosophical level, of which I have little understanding about ...
If you 'wish'...the universe will make your WISH keep happening -- you want, but don't have, so you don't get it. Instead, visualize what you want as being how it IS ... and the universe will make THAT happen --
However ... you are all you need
NauticalGent
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Well for those of us who are unenlightened, I'll take my Missy 6 days of the week and twice on Sunday...I'm shallow like that!hi @prabha_friend
You don't need anyone else to make you complete -- sadly, that is an environmental learning. What you manifest (think about) has priority.
Keep doing what you're good at.
We're all given gifts and we're all connected.
on a philosophical level, of which I have little understanding about ...
If you 'wish'...the universe will make your WISH keep happening -- you want, but don't have, so you don't get it. Instead, visualize what you want as being how it IS ... and the universe will make THAT happen --
However ... you are all you need
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Isaac
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I like that Crystal! and I would add @prabha_friend ... Just be the best person that YOU were meant to be, and in time, most likely, a person who matches you exactly--because they value precisely what you have become and are--will meet you.hi @prabha_friend
You don't need anyone else to make you complete -- sadly, that is an environmental learning. What you manifest (think about) has priority.
Keep doing what you're good at.
We're all given gifts and we're all connected.
on a philosophical level, of which I have little understanding about ...
If you 'wish'...the universe will make your WISH keep happening -- you want, but don't have, so you don't get it. Instead, visualize what you want as being how it IS ... and the universe will make THAT happen --
However ... you are all you need
Always be who you were meant to be and strive to improve and maintain your own character and integrity.
Don't focus on the other person, focus on being your best version and helping others and good things will come your way.
