Miscegenation.

Let me just say a few things that might help you cope with the problem you seem to have with me.

Much of life is just serendipitous happenstance. Other than having distinguished parents, my early life was pretty conventional. Even the years I spent in the Army were no more remarkable than thousands of other junior officers ( I was a Lieutenant eventually promoted to Captain, which is still quite a lowly rank ). I went to Uni, did my Army service, and was offered a decent professional job that paid reasonably well. So far, pretty much like everybody else. I lived in a ordinary four bedrooms house in a quiet and unremarkable country village. Marriage followed. My only expensive interests were Cuban cigars, single malt and old English sports cars, of which I had five. I wrote the village newspaper, the Neighbourhood Watch bulletin, and I made a few contributions to local magazines.

One day an old friend asked me if I would write something about a group of people who wanted their memories written up. I agreed, thinking it would take up the odd few hours of my spare time. They were unable to find anyone else to do it for them. One of these people happened to be a millionaire and his wife had many photos of the group.
Eventually, I met her to discuss including a few pics in the article ( which was rapidly becoming a book. When published it had over 600 pages ). Whilst I was with her in her house in Connecticut I happened to tell her that I couldn't find a publisher for the book. I chose the pics. and drove back to New York. When I got to my hotel I found a fax waiting for me. It was from Hillary Clinton. She asked me to drive back to Conn. the following day.
She was taken with the book, wanted to help me and suggested a publisher to ring mentioning her name. It all fell into place after that. A simple request to do a bit of writing, and a chance meeting. C'est la Vie !
 
Although the post has not appeared here ( I received an email asking if my Army service time was "active " ) . I spent most of it in Germany, so I got to shag a lot of pretty
Frauleins, and that was VERY active !

Other than that, I did two tours of Northern Ireland, which I really would prefer not to talk about, and a posting to the Far East, which I cannot disclose details about since I signed the Official Secrets Act. As it happens, this restriction has now lapsed, but I am still awaiting
permission from the Ministry of Defence allowing me to use this material in a forthcoming
book. Other people have already written about this situation, but I blotted my copybook rather badly when serving, so the M.o.D. are being bloody minded about it !
 
No one even knows the title of the other book you claim to have authored, is it as colourfully imaginative as your posts online?

Although the post has not appeared here ( I received an email asking if my Army service time was "active " ) . I spent most of it in Germany, so I got to shag a lot of pretty
Frauleins, and that was VERY active !

Other than that, I did two tours of Northern Ireland, which I really would prefer not to talk about, and a posting to the Far East, which I cannot disclose details about since I signed the Official Secrets Act. As it happens, this restriction has now lapsed, but I am still awaiting
permission from the Ministry of Defence allowing me to use this material in a forthcoming
book. Other people have already written about this situation, but I blotted my copybook rather badly when serving, so the M.o.D. are being bloody minded about it !
 
Correct me if I am wrong, Fifty2one, but do you not agree that anonymity is advisable when participating in Internet forums ? Speaking for myself, when some years ago I did divulge my full name in these places the following incidents took place :-

A. My identity was stolen and my credit cards accessed.
B. A lunatic threatened to kidnap my eleven year old daughter.
C. The registration number of my Aston Martin was cloned.

So, perhaps you may now understand why I am unwilling to disclose any information that may make me readily identifiable, and what better than the name of a book I have written
to do just that !
 
Wow ! Way to go, AccessBlaster ! Your James Bond lifestyle makes mine look as boring
as a Tunbridge Wells tea party for elderly, geriatric, female crocheting teachers !

How can I get some of your action ?

Incidentally, the White shark has never been known to exceed twenty feet in length.
Having had two family members attached by sharks ( Uncle Bob in Aden in 1933 and
Cousin Rene in South Africa in 1959 ), I also had a large yellow fin Tuna bitten in half by a White shark when i was reeling the Tuna in ( Boca Raton, Florida 1977 ), am somewhat of an expert on the subject. Indeed, I am presently writing a book on the subject. Next week I am flying to San Diego to interview witnesses to the terrible attack made on Robert Pamperin by a White shark in 1959. Curiously, some of the witnesses state that that shark was 20 - 25 feet long ; this is one of the points I wish to clarify.
 
Do you mean like him also being an honorary chief of the Crow tribe of Montana? :D



Chief of the Crow Indians ? That's nothing, amigo ! For years I was told that I was the bastard child of Sophia Loren...........until a DNA check confirmed that I wasn't.

Not that it matters overly much, but my God Mother was Shelley Winters ( she even had to get a dispensation from her Rabbi before she could do it ). My younger brother, who died many years ago, was, however, fathered by Alan Ladd.......if you know who he was !
 
I just skim past Marlin's posts now, just cant be bothered reading how fantastic one man is...

Clearly our Marlin isn't this man then, as he is hardly Mr Fantastic...

Mr Marlin
 
What if I didn't know who he was?

Either which way I wouldn't give a tinkers cuss. If you do know who he is, then the question is void. If you don't know, I cannot supply an antidote
for ignorance.
 
Either which way I wouldn't give a tinkers cuss. If you do know who he is, then the question is void. If you don't know, I cannot supply an antidote
for ignorance.
You must have given a tinkers because you took the time to reply to the question. Most people who generally couldn't be bothered would just move on :rolleyes:
 
It seems that my cover is blown, damn it ! This now means that everyone can Google me and discover that my mother was Cyrinda Twinch, the woman who introduced strip poker and wife swapping to the Frinton on Sea branch of the
Salvation Army Retiree's Boarding House and Massage Parlour.

Of course my father, Sir Egelbert J. Thribb ( late of Chlamydia Hall, Cesspit Lane, Little Snoring in the Marsh ), was of lesser renown, although he did invent the wind powered winkle extractor and a clockwork device to lift the knees of ones trousers before sitting down -the first one, being water powered, often left one with a nasty dribble down ones trouser legs.
 
You must have given a tinkers because you took the time to reply to the question. Most people who generally couldn't be bothered would just move on :rolleyes:


Apologies for the delay, but every Thursday Keira Knightley comes for lunch and a quick rubdown with a damp copy of the " Sporting Times ". No gentleman would keep Keira waiting for that, would he ?
 
Just as I thought - another made up story - you have to think them out a little better so they are at least believable on some level. Perhaps the person or persons who did A, B and C in your imagination just got all this information from the book you did not write.

Correct me if I am wrong, Fifty2one, but do you not agree that anonymity is advisable when participating in Internet forums ? Speaking for myself, when some years ago I did divulge my full name in these places the following incidents took place :-

A. My identity was stolen and my credit cards accessed.
B. A lunatic threatened to kidnap my eleven year old daughter.
C. The registration number of my Aston Martin was cloned.

So, perhaps you may now understand why I am unwilling to disclose any information that may make me readily identifiable, and what better than the name of a book I have written
to do just that !
 
Apologies for the delay, but every Thursday Keira Knightley comes for lunch and a quick rubdown with a damp copy of the " Sporting Times ". No gentleman would keep Keira waiting for that, would he ?

There is no newspaper called the "sporting times" in the UK. It went out of business in the 1930's.

Perhaps you are thinking of the Sunday Sport, that's about your level, full of exaggeration and make believe fantasy.

Col
 
That would be a mere guppy in these waters! Just last week while hiking in the great north west I came upon a female grizzly she was 12 feet 6 inches and weighed a tad over 1,600lbs. I quickly pulled out my trusty air rifle and put a BB square into the beasts forehead. Suffice to say she dropped like a bag of rocks. After lunch I stumbling upon a family of sasquatch. I took a few pictures and some video from my very expensive camera, but alas I cannot reveal the footage because of national security reasons.

I doubt they were clear anyway. Sasquatch families are never in focus.
 
Back in '88 I was driving from Calgary to the US. Along a straight stretch of highway through a heavily wooded forest I saw out of the corner of my eye what appeared to be a green 4x4 driving at speed and perfectly smoothly along what I assumed to be a forest track running parallel to my road. I was puzzled as to how smoothly the vehicle was moving, so I accelerated ahead until I found a track linking my road to his. Driving down it I was stopped by a railroad line. Looking down the line I saw the 4x4. It had been fitted with
Flanged locomotive wheels and was running on the track. It stopped by me and the driver got out. He was called Lance Beckworth and was a track inspector for the Burlington
Northern Railroad company. We chatted and he invited me to go drive in his unusual vehicle. After a few miles we saw a small brown furry bundle sunning itself on the track ballast stones. It was a bear cub. Lance coasted silently to a halt within fifty yards of it and we both got out. Lance told me to stay where I was and went back to get his camera.
When he closed the 4x4's door the cub got up and ran squeaking into the forest. I ran after it, oblivious to shouts from Lance. I hadn't gotten more than a couple of yards into the trees before a gigantic bear stood up in front of me. I wet myself in terror and froze to the spot. The bear ran towards me - I turned and ran. Luckily Lance stood in front of me clutching a huge revolver ! He emptied his gun into the air. I galloped towards the Canadian border with my heart pounding. Luckily Lance reversed his truck and caught up with me, but because i was drenched in my own piss, he insisted that I sit outside in a small trailer he was towing !
 
bearnation.png


Back in '88 I was driving from Calgary to the US. Along a straight stretch of highway through a heavily wooded forest I saw out of the corner of my eye what appeared to be a green 4x4 driving at speed and perfectly smoothly along what I assumed to be a forest track running parallel to my road. I was puzzled as to how smoothly the vehicle was moving, so I accelerated ahead until I found a track linking my road to his. Driving down it I was stopped by a railroad line. Looking down the line I saw the 4x4. It had been fitted with
Flanged locomotive wheels and was running on the track. It stopped by me and the driver got out. He was called Lance Beckworth and was a track inspector for the Burlington
Northern Railroad company. We chatted and he invited me to go drive in his unusual vehicle. After a few miles we saw a small brown furry bundle sunning itself on the track ballast stones. It was a bear cub. Lance coasted silently to a halt within fifty yards of it and we both got out. Lance told me to stay where I was and went back to get his camera.
When he closed the 4x4's door the cub got up and ran squeaking into the forest. I ran after it, oblivious to shouts from Lance. I hadn't gotten more than a couple of yards into the trees before a gigantic bear stood up in front of me. I wet myself in terror and froze to the spot. The bear ran towards me - I turned and ran. Luckily Lance stood in front of me clutching a huge revolver ! He emptied his gun into the air. I galloped towards the Canadian border with my heart pounding. Luckily Lance reversed his truck and caught up with me, but because i was drenched in my own piss, he insisted that I sit outside in a small trailer he was towing !
 
As much as I think Putin is a complete onanist, I have to say that this picture is bloody fantastic. He must have gonads the size of watermelons !
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top Bottom