The more things change...

[Vassago]

My wife is from a motorcycle racing family and we are big fans of MotoGP.

While Marc Marques is not our favourite rider, his ability to get a bike back upright is unparalleled. To my knowledge the farthest over he has been verified to come back from is 69 degrees. (63 degrees is typically the extreme limit while still in control). The key to his abilities includes never believing it is lost until he parts ways with the bike. (Plus the fact that he has the reflexes of a cat.)

When first diagnosed I told her it was like Marc when the bike is cranked over and both the wheels are sliding deep in a corner. Keep steering, apply a little power and push with whatever you have to get back on two wheels.

She has a an enormous scar from a six hour operation. The cancer has now become resistant to the most used chemo treatment but the one after that appears to be working for now. While there is life there is hope.

Nice to see you! I'm so sorry to hear about your wife. I wish you and her well on the journey to healing and your retirement. I'm unfortunately a long way from retirement. I definitely feel my age catching up. I've also lost many people I was close to to many causes over the last few years and it's opened my eyes to my mortality as well. I'm trying to do better for myself, but I'm feeling my age more these days, too.

 

[Galaxiom]

On Friday, with our family close by, I kissed my wife the last goodbye. She spontaneously sang "The Long and Winding Road", accompanied on the verse I could remember the words to, then finishing it solo with her beautiful voice. Then she was gone.

The doctor and nurse in attendance both told us it was the most beautiful passing they had ever witnessed. Short of a miracle recovery, this is the best we could have hoped for.

I've been preparing myself for this a long time by connecting with the joy of 45 years as close friends, 38 years as partners and 27 years married. I've prepaid a lot of grief but I know there is more to come. It takes a lot of joy to overwhelm that grief so I find myself in a quite surreal state sometimes.

I'm taking each day as it comes as we prepare for her funeral and I'm staying strong for our family. The whole experience has been very affirming of the love we all have for each other.

I formally resigned my job at the end of January when my long service leave ran out.

 

[AccessBlaster]

Sorry to hear G, keeping both of you in our thoughts.

 

[Isaac]

So sorry to hear of your loss, Galaxiom. I'm glad you were able to experience some sort of 'preparation', as little as it's really possible to do, and that the passing + the aftermath had an element of beauty and peace to it. Keeping you & family in my thoughts.

 

[NauticalGent]

May you mind peace with this Greg. I wish I had something inspirational and moving to say, but I am at a loss.

I hope that if I have to go through this it will be as beautiful an experience as yours...

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Greg, I know this trauma from when I lost my mother. Oh, how I envy that your dear love had a chance to say good bye to you in a way that suited her dignity. To lose a loved one is not a good thing, but it sounds like it was not unexpected. The grieving that you did before that final moment is valuable, but I can't honestly tell you that mourning ahead of time helps. Mom's decline give me years to prepare, but that ton of bricks is waiting to fall just the same.

In the days ahead you will have your share of grief, and it is natural for us to mourn a loss. Right now, you are powering through for the rest of your family. But you will need time for yourself, too. The next several days, weeks, months,... will have their brutal moments. But as time passes and the immediacy of your loss fades, you will be able to look back at the good times and remember your good fortune for having found a good long-term partner. It will represent a level of healing when you will be able to look to the future again as you enjoy gatherings with your family. You will never forget - but you might just find peace in the memories you made with your partner and the memories you can still make with your family.

It is now almost 40 years since I lost my mother and I still think of her from time to time. But at least I can look back on the totality of our time together and remember our celebrations as well as our sadness. I can hope for you to find this level of peace with the past. Don't try to force it. Don't try to stave it off. Healing comes at its own pace for each of us. But Greg, know that peace CAN come if you let it.