One Liners; Tidbits; Wise Sayings (1 Viewer)

[ShaneMan]

"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part"--a sign I use to have hanging in my office.

"The tyranny of the urgent will always over take the sanctity of the important"--good time management quote.

When I would start jacking with my Grandpa he would tell me, "Boy, you better leave me alone, cause by the time I get done with you the doctor ain't gonna ask what happened, he's just going to ask how you got loose."

 

[ShaneMan]

Or Running fast like a "raped ape".

"he took off like a turpentined cat"

It's so hot I'm sweating like a french ***** in heat. What makes french ****** so special?."

"hotter than a french ***** on nickel night."

 

[Bodisathva]

"he took off like a turpentined cat"

That only works if the person you're talking to knows exactly where the turpentine must be applied in order to accelerate the feline


ahhh...the knowledge gained from a mis-spent youth

 

[ShaneMan]

When you have all the responsability for something but none of the authority to make it happen, and others are either disinterested or obstructive you can tell people that :

"I feel like a one legged man in an arse kicking contest"

I'm sure many of the professionals on this site who's work is project based will be familiar with that sort of situation.

"I have a real responsible job. Anything goes wrong and I'm responsible."

"I feel line a one armed paper hanger."

 

[MrsGorilla]

What makes french ****** so special?

They think they're better than all the other ******.

 

[ShaneMan]

That only works if the person you're talking to knows exactly where the turpentine must be applied in order to accelerate the feline


ahhh...the knowledge gained from a mis-spent youth

absolutely!

 

[ShaneMan]

They think they're better than all the other ******.

Ok, now that I'm back in my chair from falling out laughing. That was good Ms. G.

 

[Rich]

You posted this one last Friday.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

 

[bwrobel]

"If god made it that way, We all be pissing in our faces!" (Goonies)

Love that movie.

 

[Matt Greatorex]

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

A good one-liner in its own right.

 

[Rich]

Happiness is a warm gun, and for the benefit of the Americans, they weren't referring to a submachine gun

 

[Karma]

Responses to obvious questions.

Does a bear shit in the woods?

Is the Pope a catholic?

I like; Does the Pope shit in the woods

also

As rare as rocking horse shit.

 

[Jacob Mathai]

Once I did not pay my rent on time, it turned out to be a moving experience.

One I worked for Midas Muffler Company. There was only one problem: At the end of the day I was exhausted.

Once I worked as an auto hydro mechanic. In other words, car wash.

Once I worked as a salesman. One day I got three orders: Get out, Stay out and never come back again.

The first job I got, I had 500 people under me. Cutting grass in a cemetery.

 

[Jacob Mathai]

Royal treatment

My wife and I treat other like Royalty.

On my birthday, she takes me to Burger King.
On her birthday, I take her to Dairy Queen.

 

[Adeptus]

Was (half) watching Monarch of the Glen the other night, & it had a good one...
"Go and raffle yer donut"
I can only imagine what that means

 

[StevenS]

Karma wrote:

Responses to obvious questions.

Does a bear shit in the woods?

Is the Pope a catholic?

I like; Does the Pope shit in the woods

also

As rare as rocking horse shit

Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?

 

[Kraj]

"Sweating like a ***** in church" - meaning, 'nervous'.

"Optimism is a choice. Cynicism isn't smarter, it's just safer." - Jewel

"Life is a stage but the play is badly cast." - Oscar Wilde

"Women always ruin great romances by trying to make them last forever." - Oscar Wilde

"In the long run, men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, though they should fail immediately, they had better aim at something high." - Henry David Thoreau, Walden

"All we are is how we're remembered when we're gone." - Sandy Dennis as Sara in Sweet November (1968)

"Short people have long faces and long people have short faces. Big people have little humor, and little people have no humor at all." - Donald O'Connor as Cosmo Brown in Singing in the Rain

"Safe upon the solid rock
the ugly houses stand.
Come see my shining palace
built upon the sand."
- Edna St. Vincent Milay
(OK, so that one was poetry but it has a great piece of wisdom)

And finally...

"It's colder than a witch's titty out here, isn't it?"

and

"Well you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up first."

- Burgess Meredith as the father in Grumpy Old Men

 

[FoFa]

Six of one, half dozen of another
either or

Did we have the "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" yet?
one of my favorites - Hot enough for ya

 

[Len Boorman]

How about
Cold as a Penguin's chuff
L

 

[Keith Nichols]

Did we have the "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" yet?
one of my favorites - Hot enough for ya

'Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum, your majesty'

Monty Python pretending be Australians.