ColinEssex
Old registered user
- Local time
- Today, 00:19
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2002
- Messages
- 9,451
These are doing the rounds here.
* Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
* If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
* Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
* Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
* Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
* Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
* Why doesn 't Tarzan have a beard?
* Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
* Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
* Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
* What is the speed of darkness?
* Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
* If the temperature is zero outside today and it 's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
* If it 's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
* Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
* Do you cry under water?
* How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
* Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I 'll squeeze
These pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
* Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I 'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it 's bum."
* Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
* Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
* Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
* Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They 're both dogs!
* Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
* If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
* If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
* Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .
* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog 's face, he gets mad at
You, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Col
* Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
* If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
* Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
* Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
* Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
* Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
* Why doesn 't Tarzan have a beard?
* Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
* Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
* Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
* What is the speed of darkness?
* Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
* If the temperature is zero outside today and it 's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
* If it 's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
* Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
* Do you cry under water?
* How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
* Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I 'll squeeze
These pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
* Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I 'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it 's bum."
* Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
* Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
* Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
* Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They 're both dogs!
* Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
* If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
* If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
* Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .
* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog 's face, he gets mad at
You, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Col
its food for thought- not a quiz. . . . .
