The Story So Far (1 Viewer)

VilaRestal

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I've taken it upon myself to copy out The Story so we can see the plot :)D) unfold more easily. (I've taken some liberties with punctuation and occasionally had to omit one or two posts that weren't followed through by subsequent posts.)

Currently I've done up to page 15 (600th post).

All characters, places and events are fictitious and any similarities to persons living or dead are entirely coincidental.



On a Summers evening, a shifty old man decided to go fishing. So, he packed some sandwiches and a few bottles of milk of hedgehog and set square that he didn't forget his toothbrush as fishing is bad for married life. So, off he went.

On reaching the huge, smelly, pink caravan owned by the old and ridiculous fat, bearded, wrinkled aardvark called Wilfred the 3rd, he decided to try a diet of real ale, not Stella or Bud, but pure 100% real ale.

So, he opened Colin's large wallet, which was full of ant vouchers and a peanut shell that weighed as much as 3 or 4 feathers.

He took out his huge gun and pointed it in the direction of the pink elephant, but the elephant had a bigger gun with an infrared site that fired plastic worms at high reluctance.

Inebriated newts scampered recklessly by as he sat on a hat with a feather-duster forty feet up his dark shotgun cartridge “Mark”, which made him feel all warm and cuddly inside (said deviant storyteller) with an odd twitch. Detached jaw, considering the law notwithstanding, he still swallowed his pill complete while rhyming four, five timing to the beat.

Meanwhile back at Toxicville, an ostriich goes "Moo!" in a somersaulting herd of psychotic wildebeasts. The man decides to sketch the pink elephant, but required a permit before all else, signed by an idiot called Officious. If all pending isn't paid Now the man goes to boarding school to study the books of fools written by a computer named Orpheus that is programmed once a week a seven year sentenced is placed for actual bodily touching.

So, making a cardboard cutout of himself by Stanley knife, contesting his obscure belief of sacred cardboard clones having huge doughnuts as heads and fluffy white hair on top of their hairy hands and feet.

So, he decided: go they must.

So, he shaved a few inches from his left but then realised it's not enough. His razor was plastic and not actually paid for so he used a dynamite stick to open his fresh milk carton but unfortunately it proved too difficult to open the zipper on his tailor-made anorak.

So, he decided enough was enough and got out and removed his carton of touch-up paint that stunk of a Big Mac, which he had hidden in his pouch for later consumption but unfortunately later wasn't well because it had sores all over the back of a double decker.

So, he decided that enough as enough and he removed all his magazines from his haver sack and set light to Mother-in-law who was sitting next to the old termite mound.

"Yippeeeeee" he cried and she remained on the same medication as she had to recover from the piles in her huge four-bedroomed house Near Dagenham, Essex where, at the moment, the aardvark spat out all the feathers from an eBay purchase where her bid made it in the top 100 so she could claim benefit from the items, she had previously stolen, were genuine fakes.

So, she tried using brylcream to make them look like they were originals. However, she slipped on brylcream and she broke her fall on Father-in-law who was drunk and he started to punch the wall with his wifes head.

So, "Ouch" she cried and she felt like saying "What the **** are you trying to do? Are you going to the toilet for a dump? Not on me again like last time you opened the bank account using a large and heavy sledge-shaped pineapple ring!"

Then trouble struck. It was eaten!

"For **** sake! How could someone eat a pineapple made of poo?"

The following morning, Jim waddled obstreperously and said "Gee, you folks really suck at this whole story thing."

The Pineapple said "Where's the cheese and onion crisp? Who's eaten them so ravenously?"

Rather than an apple covered with powdered milk, because they were full of brown-coloured maggots, which are really quite tasty when sauted with garlic in red wine over a monkey's hat filled with incredible and enormous skinned, ripe bananas.

However, it looked obvious that the empty cornflakes box was in the laundry machine where Wilfred the 3rd managed to apply for a new Secret Agent Passport. However, he was too clever by disguising his private dresses so no one could think that they were part of the group of outfits he used to go to work in.

So, he decided to get changed and go along with the original. However, he was shaking with fear because [of] his lookalike double-agent.

So, he had thought, had tricked them, but he was jumping to get some of the action for what was going through his mind:

"Niettegenstaande het feit. Was oprecht ongelofelijk aan het eind. Hij stierf vreedzaam."

But didn't speak Dutch, so had no idea he had died, so he vaguely recalled a strange dream in which Cher could actually sing, which didn't seem like Sonny had nothing to say to a tree made of newspaper on the edge of the moon beneath the stars next to the old rundown motel where there was a termite infested with all the access programmers united spelling-contest winners and utterly adorable.

However, they were debating the rough and ready Swedish stainless steel rod, dot or bang, assuming that verification was not authorised for programmers delight. Long public constants were abandonded from dressing up as monkees in uniforms made from thin cardboard cut outs of Richard and the Knights of The Living Dead.

Apparantly, nursing the little green mushrooms, it seems that his little soldiers were all really swimming aimlessly uphill until they finally reached the tonsils and turned left and they saw this giant aardvark wearing boxer shorts who was sitting in a bucket, which was full with maple syrup, which was really old and sticky just like the old Fly catcher called Tarquin, who once caught 75 of those huge Pineapple rings that used to be whole pineapples, although they had been grown to be the best fruit money could buy.

Eventually, their price increased by 2 since they were bought by Microsoft to expand their knowledge in Termites, which, according to the Stock exchange, their budget is actually very good since Bill paid Monica's drycleaning with a pickled cigar.

Unknowlingly, Bill created XP and Y and Z and BBQ to RIP any competition so that his extremely swollen head would burst into orbit using a zircon encrusted tweezer and Lindows.

Then, 233 helmet-wearing motorbikers went along the coast road towards my friends House, which is a bit down hill from my Explicit option statement, which is found in the wine-cellar above the 1954-labelled bottles.

"You smell like **** due to the cheap soap that you washed yourself without using water."

So, that's why Wilfred the 3rd had been caught with his trousers only. Because the skirt he was washing with the powder that was under his nails so that he felt like a really old man but found a really huge thing in his Cornflakes.

So, then he cried out "AAAAARGH what the hell are my pants doing here in Bill Gates pockets! He is not scratching his oversized belly, which, according to Monica, looks really unfit for even a hippo to be into his ex-wife since they had run low of their consumption for... wait! Whats that? a flying donkey???? It can't be! it's a miracle. Yes it can! and in fact How many times has your Wife?"

"3 times a year but on the whole it took a while because according to gay vicar weekly it had been roughly abused by the one who wanted more of Monica's Home cooking even though it preferred the scraps from the flying donkey's trough."

When Wilfred finally unzipped his fine 1980's Leather Filofax revealing a small piece of paper he fashioned into an oragami rickshaw and touting for an easy ride, paid for someone else to have their backhair waxed with citric acid and Camel spit by Freddie Kruger and Jason from the Argonauts, carrying his Golden Fleece embroided with fine Yellow Pages paper, which are made from...

"What the hell am I!? gay or straight? Dressed like an Access Forum Member. Therefore, he looks like a total sexually-frustrated nimrod since he spent all his money on Access Books written by the one and only Clarke Kent with his well defined red pencil case and purple colored eraser, made entirely the whole new dancing stage available with the new imperceptible and imperishable odour of the young Herpestes nyula."

It became evident a peg was only for tents with huge great expectations that only giant pink aardvarks could possibly have the intelligence to flip pancakes onto passing motorists, using a Highway Code book. They carefully tore page 72 and made another crap Origami four-poster bed with double quilted bed pan and, on the other 3-engine airplane, which according to murphy's law is one of the most dangerous areas due to the uncontrolled behavior of mutant ninja turtles, which are the ultimate killers around since they are color blind and really brutal guys, their frantic manners really prove that blocking access passwords is hard since Crazy golf carts powered by jet-engines have proved that eating Camel POO is really bad for your teeth because it contains little pebbles that are hard to chew and swallow.

Therefore, it would be wise to avoid small furry creatures. Even bald ones! With oversized, wide angles, which are created using the best tools available including the latest drivers for windows XP, powered by the Microsoft company and strangely formed by some of the best grapes found in the Caribbean island called the Bill Grapes or perhaps not the one that ate his Pizza, which was infested with small furry green ameba called abema (ameba backwards) who were Richard's long lost pets dedicated in the subtle art of karaoke: an ancient technique, which disorients Saturday night fever dancers who could turn nasty if provoked into stripping down Ford Sierras.

But Ford enjoyed collecting cow dung so that he could build houses on Mars, against "BEAGLE", whats left or right of a planet with all those huge useless Probes, which are over the alcohol limit to that of the martian military police. The ones, which, when breathalysed under the effect of octopus supervision, they realised that the Tv Licence had been sold to the highest bidder for a mere goat and two broken lobster shells.
 
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Brianwarnock

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Well it certainly makes more sense when you can read it more easily ;)

I commend you on your labours, I hope it was in work time :D

Brian
 

mispiece

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Such a good, keep it up. Thanks for the effort putting up together till 600th page...
 

VilaRestal

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Thank you all for your thanks. I've made a start on Chapter 2... watch this space for the next thrilling installment ;)
 

VilaRestal

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Previously on The Story:

"Yippeeeeee"
"Ouch"
"What the **** are you trying to do?"
"For **** sake! How could someone eat a pineapple made of poo?"
"What the hell am I!? gay or straight? Dressed like an Access Forum Member."

...they realised that the Tv Licence had been sold to the highest bidder for a mere goat and two broken lobster shells...

The Story continues:

...one of which was previously owned by Gandalph, who had a bad hair day when his brush dropped bombs on Uranus.

Uranus was very ugly but, when sat on and viewed from above, the veins on Miss Gregson's legs seem less like blue eels than a road map.

The mighty YETI, also known as Daisy, was walking along a vein to the middle of the road in the center line which she, of an enormous upper body structure, built by extensive rebooting her pc out the window of her apartment.

Meanwhile, Wilfred the 3rd was baking his Mother-in-law in the new microwave oven when he suddenly realised that the ice cream man, who usually comes too soon for the well known little green imps, which are found under sinks in the vicinity of the hot water, which is next to the main door on the small, lightweight aircraft next to the outside toilet.

Then, Bush and Blair turned up with some Krispy Kreme leven bread with an assortment of large over-sized Pretzels covered in a brown paper bag. They took out health insurance in case they lost their illegal slush funds, originally obtained by selling Iraq weapons on Ebay. However, Bush and Blair decided that all of the income would go to the people of planet Zog and big brother contestants (the ones of the less ignorant).

But, on the brighter side of the story, it appears that Sir Elton John has a new wig, which made him very red-faced and looked really like a mushroom that had been stewed in water and repeatedly stamped on by a huge transvestite earwig, which, according to Buddhist monks, has the most good ear wax remover ever invented since glass hammers.

So, what he thought he would do was open another bank account using Saddam's details (instead of the gay lover he so adamantly denied ever having). He plucked out his nose hair with his weapons of mass confusion, which this story created from a large frying pan, and played with his small but handy toolbox with a very squeeky, oily handle, which she tugged on regularly to arouse her inner emotions, and scream out in agony when the long, hard, slender broom handle slipped from her hand and landed right between her two eyes, breaking her skull into many teeny tiny shards, which she then glued back together and screamed aloud:

"Eureka! I found a wooden spoon", which was under her pleated skirt tickling her fancy.

Another cup of gin.

So, she asked her neighbour for a bigger picture of his pet, which has wheels for feet and ears made from plastic explosives and a tail. Well, what's left of a tail since, in the Vietnam war, Wilfred had grown a really huge tree in his bath under the old (but not so old) garlic bush, which is near the little old (but not so old) rose garden, which is near the windmill of Faded Time.

To the one of many lost rabbits eaten by giant, green, one-legged, three-eyed Mongolian seagulls, all wearing little yellow stickers with "WARNING" printed on their undercarriage but spelt wrong because it was not written correctly.
Since it was a really stupid thing due to price of peanuts.
Since, lately, it has been known as one of life’s biggest mysteries. Since this had made no sense in the past 793 posts but they prooved to welcome him back because he realised Tom loves Jerry and both of them are neutered.

Therefore, one must absolutely not subscribe to FARMERS WEEKLY because it smells bad. So, let's subscribe into the Next Big Issue of the best of the worst of the most less likely to be on the high horse of The Progress Bar, which galantly increased but took ages for the speed to slow down.

One must change horses because of an itchy crotch called Billy Bob with a large used postage stamp on his face sticked with the snot from one of the boogers hanging from the left side of his small, elongated ear lobe, which had been bitten off when he was going to the toilet when, suddenly, he followed through ("..........oops!") and tripped over the large tree that his dog was on the apex of and, from all that, he just gave up and started to choke this thread because he thought of moving house next to the the big walnut beneath those huge dusty old onions left there since this thread started a long time ago.


Chapter Two

In the beginning, a funny echo on the Access programmers forums: one of the best ways of cooking according to the 101 laws of the well known herb that always proved to be highly explosive when it is placed up your nose.

Therefore, definitely, you need a tissue so that you don't explode when wiping your big fat belly, which has yellow spots and they look like moldy old tiny squares, which turn into circles and then explode back into squares while turning green and purple, however, also falling off.

Eventually, the best solution is to leave it alone unless it's Tuesday the 7th April. Otherwise it will definitely go over one of the neighbours' children's heads and they end up turning into one of the most interesting looking pieces of paper with yellow face drawings on it, which looks really old and burnt but somehow not property of Microsoft since it is made out of the most common plastic called My2076668-30ta, which can be easily used according to manual 1738472633.435726.3.

However, more information is worthless unless you will make a mouse jump to the relevant planet in the solar system.

Eventually, Mars is selected as the most tasty chocolate for the year 2004 and 2010, which, according to the microscopic people of the famous organisation of dumb astronomers (who they consider really, really big Fans of "Neigbours", which is a well known woman eating show similar to the man eating monster, which died from the old series "Home & Away"), because the water has prooved to be too cold to use for washing purposes and, by using it to flush out those enormous, ugly Zigomites that hop around like crazed, naked Tap Dancers in a mud-filled bath tub, which makes them realise that today they ended up forgetting their toothbrushes.

Therefore, their mouths started to glow all over the Yellow Brick Road, which leads to a dark alley in the middle of Down Town, which is where those huge molluscs lost Aunt Thelma: the one of millions and millions spread all over the pavement outside where all the lonely people go to eat the best burgers instead of hotdogs since they proved to be full of fats, which can seriously damage their health.

However, in 1827, Ronald, the famous actor, decided that all of his skills were all totally perfect. So, he tried something new and started practicing a bit of salsa dance, which can be dangerous since his age forbids things like dancing because he can't dance very well since his false leg had already caused him to fall over while he was cutting toe nails. This has resulted Security to remove those huge nails to sell on the telemarketing service.

The day after, he received several emails containing a request to go to Australia for the honeymoon. Now in Singapore, moving to australia after visiting iceland, which is a food store located in the centre of the earth, which is the hottest holiday location now in Sydney, and the weather, which is always sunny in the gentlemens' wash room, have turned to looking at strange creatures, which are coming up to the edge of reality, as if it was the last word here.

However, the board was not bored and they decided to commit suicide because they felt ColinEssex's CD was a real good low cost birdscarer and most hunters shoot other hunters rather than listen to the call of a castrated lilac jumpsuit clad.

So, they sent overweight luggage and the airport laughed at their luggages, being such a light elephant on the side salad, they decided to take the night bus instead since the payment was made with a direct payment to Bill Gates, that multi millionaire with no idea what a computer looks like and costs or what time of day Microsoft Windows is functioning or not.

So, Windows Longhorn Scooby Doo decided to install Longhorn and use the alpha version instead, which, alas, was more stable than an elephant on the circus arena in a pink bearded lady uniform, which looked like it had been used to carry elephant droppings, which really have loads of vitamins, but it tastes a little sour.

If, one day, you ever try to eat it without salad dressing you will understand how windows works but you still smell like elephants' droppings, unless you floss every day so that you remove all the bill gates from his back account, which may take a while until hell freezes over.

To get all the bits out of his bank, especially the cheap stuff from his recycle bin with a shreddar utility, which jams repeatedly since it is a piece of bad written code controlling windows XP professional edition, coded by a chimp who proved to be more intelligent than Bill Gates and all the minions he employs at the redmond insane asylum and travel lodge.

However, a meeting was scheduled that should add brains to these seemingly inanimate objects also and thereafter prohibit all use of dimwits, dweebs and noobs, to increase errors in the aardvark simulation modules along side the reindeer class modules with the assistance of Santa's gnomes and the reindeer on standby.

They hijacked a goose to lay a golden DVD drive. This would help burn legal copies of those dodgy Windows Me CD's, which contained illegal drunk system drivers in sports cars that resemble old Morris Minors with wooden wheels and they were square, oval and oblong (and octagonal but not rectangular cars being dangerous shape).

To climb trees while wearing speedos causes splinters in the backsides of the lower hanging fruit. Having swallowed Bush's lies and also his biscuits and gravy that resembled vomit but tasted like candy, since they were extremely hungry but Could not chew. So, they rubbed two sticks together but then found when rubbing sticks the friction caused thermo-nuclear explosions in his kecks.

"Will i dance!?" said the old fart called Bush, who was particularly bright and fair as well as stupid and decrepit. Was the newcomer really going to fly his kite while doing the war in Iraq, the country of weapons, of massive search through the old pile of gumboots and ruined lives Bush has caused for his lie?

However, the Americans believed his lies but were not all by Bush's side because they realised Cheney had horns and so died many innocent people.



Stay tuned for the next thrilling installment of

The Story
 
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Galaxiom

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Tell me you didn't cut and paste it three words at a time. Surely you scripted the task.
 

VilaRestal

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Very well, if it makes you feel better:

I didn't cut and paste it three words at a time.
 

VilaRestal

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Both are great suggestions and I wish I'd thought of them.

I've been typing it out by hand. :D

Nah, not really, I've been taking screenprints, printing to pdf and then putting that through FreeOCR. I'm no fule.
 

spikepl

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A more nerdy solution would be to build a screen scraper in Access :)


Update: If you hold on for a sec, I'll put something together. Stand by.
 
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spikepl

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Here you go.

Start the db
Press Scrape button
It dumps each post into the immediate window with debug print
It loops over all the pages.
Stop it by killing the Internet Explorer .. or wait till it finishes.

The huge size of the db is due to it being a stripped version of some app that I have. Just did not spend any time on beautifying it.

For suitable illustrations to The Story, I'd recommend Geek & Poke. It's the software world's response to Dilbert.

http://geekandpoke.typepad.com/geekandpoke/2011/02/a-geek-is-born.html
 

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VilaRestal

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Thanks spike, I'll give that a go.

In the mean time:
 

spikepl

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@VilaRestal

My apologies for the sloppy code - I eviscerated a running app in 10 minutes ...

The thing will of course only keep the last 200, due to the limit on the immediate window size. But I reckon you can take it from there in no time at all.

Thanks for the great job so far.
 

VilaRestal

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Previously on The Story:

"Yippeeeeee"
"Ouch"
"What the **** are you trying to do?"
"For **** sake! How could someone eat a pineapple made of poo?"
"What the hell am I!? gay or straight? Dressed like an Access Forum Member."
"Eureka! I found a wooden spoon"
"..........oops!"
"Will i dance!?"


The Story continues:



Chapter Three

The rain fell cats and dogs on the fields at the upper of the field where there are several disguised young creatures, which are discoloured and horribly. They seem to vanish while appearing on the edge of my razor, which was rusty due to the inclement weather at the southern region of my arse, which, according to Freud, means that the more you dream, the more you realise that you have the need to release your special emotions and look which way you think is uncontrollable, desolate and intollerable.

However, due to the unreliable effect of el nino and those of the eastern states of the USA, which is where? However, according to the new world of the most successful, plots are initiated after careful planning by devilish agents, which form part of the whole vast wasteland we affectionately refer to as middle America - land of many Walmarts, each unique in their uniformity, sucking our souls until we become empty mindless spectres.

There appeared on Bush's TV appearances a Quasimodo like appendage protruding from the eye of the tiger, which was full of tears, after having experienced excruiating pain in the head. So he took a piece of a painkiller, which has really made him feel better because it relieved the protruding appendage. Therefore, he decided to turn over and return back to good times with the old mates that were his old best bedtime buddies. However, due to his tiredness and fondness he decided to bake a cake using only eggs layed by a large mutant Ninja Turtle called Edgar Allan Poe not to mention his other alias Wilfred the 3rd also known as Wilfred the 2nd, half brother of Wilfred the 1st, son of the duke of earl who came from the Nordic part that is known as Didyabringyabeeralong.

Of all those interesting things, we could all wear Womens' lacy underwear while we are at the football game between Italy and Ann Summers Ltd. Obviously, the result was extremly close to a tennis elbow injury, which, according to the talking purple frog, he confirmed that purple frogs are one of the tastiest meals around.

Eventually, they proved that purple frogs are not poisonous when deep fried in Canola oil. Although poisonous they may harm your colour differential ability and nobble your Italian sports car that just wouldn't compare with the creamy white breasts of the most talked about little creatures, which look astonishingly like ants, although they look bigger when squashed.

In fact, according to the banned member of the American National Guard (the one who shot his best shoot in the Movie so far and have been baffled by syntax error on line 27: the one referring to the large wart on the side of town), people go to the west just to see one of the warts in close-up so that one's butler can have as much as the gardener did over the long cold winter nights when the light's in mid-july because the year stopped.

Amazingly enough, the dog meanwhile was playing snooker with Alex Higgins(who has been defeated by a canine?), who proved to be an undercover since he was a computer geek and managed to hack into the most secured web a spider ever since. It proved beyond all reason to go to That Spider's web.

Eventually, it has made no sense as usual, however we don't care to speak of little green men with three eyes and pig-like snouts, which looked like President Bush's butt, which look like Tony Bliar's face since, Blair's face is covered with apple sauce and neon green tadpoles, which are to be a health hazard if eaten without taking the government approved antidote.

During this process there were no serious programmers willing to admit that they did not enjoy fried bananas so eventually they cooked up some of their best orange monkey balls following the recipe that was given by their mentor that called for one of the mentor's eyeballs and the other for the creamy icing.

Eventually, they had kicked the cat, who has been in heat lately. When a bucket of chicken wings, which she ate, made her ill and the poor cat puked everywhere except on my bag, which was protected by a Men Only Magazine with pictures of Men Only because women like that have no tastebuds so they have to feel bad about chocolate and huge thighs made of Chicken feathers and tar, which are made of those interesting books related to Sir Cliff Richard who was my favourite singer of The last millennium because he is very very very big in the Philippines, where he noticed he had left his teeth after performing a routine with a famous singer from a night club where ColinEssex used six different types of musical instruments.

But the Filipino of soft cheese was no good at anything and so they decided to call it a day but George Bush said "not our problem", which it wasn't in the programme, and that was all about the Bishop not a finga!

She then said that she was not feeling herself so she decided to visit the access-programmers forum to help her with a DAO then a virus, which she caught (severely infected her Brain) but she found salvation in a bottle of whisky she got from Sir Cliff Richard, a member of AA, it looked a bit hairy though, but she still got p*ssed as a monkey, but all of sudden she fancied bananas but only the lonely could make ice cream.

On waiting for the ice cream a funny thing happened at the side of the road next to the misguided French vampire who instantly started sucking blood from a stone because his tooth broke while eating tofu. The Denstist was away for three months in the north-west corner of The old Docks.

Our story continues continuously continuing continually all over the continuum, continually continuing the most interesting of stories. Meanwhile, this thread is getting a lot of boring input from the three or maybe four of the most foul smelling cheeses, which, according to Wallace & Grommet, they are four types of Wensleydale.

Eventually, they differ on the topic since some of Europe’s cheapest Brothels were found at the top of Britney Spears' legs, where you can get very lost or quickly married for short periods when they realised the no entry was very sexy and they wanted to slip into something more comfortable like a coffin.

The following morning, as the cockerel dropped down dead, he stroked hard along its lifeless corpse hoping that Dracula would appear, ticklestick in hand, and wipe off George Bush's smirk once and for good. He ended up teaching at Baghdad High School for Christians only. Fried or boiled made no difference except under extreme temperature and pressure, which leads to maximum pleasure throughout.

However, in the good old days when times were moving along the Newspaper racks at the corner of Hollywood and Vine, where the most rainfall ever recorded. In fact, it rained so much that Noah couldn't take care of the termites so he decided that they'd be freed from one of The Termite crates in the pub, where Mr George and his 200 of the best Guinness drinkers anywhere, which drank over there, and sometimes they went to the ballet together where they had pink tu-tu's made, which according to the mongolian scientist most of them loved to wear them upside down while dancing to "It's raining men" by Geri Halliwell.

Yes seriously.....Geri, the ex spice girl who sucks all over the world, where one of the most amazing Pizza's are those with the corroded mushrooms and the others with fried monkey brains gave an aromatherapy to those who knew no more than those before them. Once they took hold of them, they realised that it was a hopeless case in order to take advantage so that we can play the trombone like Wilfred.

But then an armed aardvark invaded termites camp when suddenly the giant amoebas ran a lottery syndicate where it was legal to bet naked but only if you looked good naked. However, it would be dangerous in the long run because of the cold during the peak climbing experdition, which lasted a few hundread thousand years.

Eventually, it has become almost impossible to fry eggs without upsetting the crowd in front of the slimey shell of a dead Snail that attacked Prince Charles.

"What the F***" said the cleaner hiding in the kitchen behind the dead body of the other snail.

In the meantime, Queen Elizabeth gasped for breath as one of her alive snails snorted so loud that its shell exploded revealing an alien over the top of the splattered thread of fear.

Suddenly, there was Sir Fenton Funnypants, that chap from the Underwear commercial for Toulouse Boxers. The commercial has pot-bellied Funnypants embracing one of those David Hasselhoff dolls featured in Baywatch the uncut version where David said "Et tu, Funnypants?" to which the reply was "I want my mummy!".

"Please give me back my marbles or else I, in my madness, will strip naked and go for a chocolate sundee."

Weather permiting that the most exciting and enticing Camilla, the one who looks like Godzilla who sang in The Three Degrees centigrade, which is regarded as cold compared to the fahrenheit measurement method used by the third world countries with a President of questionable integrity and a little too much Chivas Regal.

Thursday evening, just after Eastenders was banned, the celebrations continued until Bill Gates realised he preferred Unix to Y-fronts or a thong but was commando because of hygienic and a lemon-flavoured surgical truss designed by Camilla Parker Bowles' horse that clearly resembled a yellow-billed Tony Blair lookalike according to the pope, who has been recovered from the cheeky girls after spending a tortured night listening to the music of Britney Spears' mother, which sounds like her dad on one of the first boats using a giant's fart to shiver his enemies out from the bed covers of Madonna.

However, the most recent laundry day wash revealed a unique method on how to wash the clothes in a large toilet bowl with fish oil from a goldfish called George Bush, who sought out to be one with his master and follow the light at the end of maxmangion's last post.

Meanwhile, back in the Gaza Strip Club, Camilla started to tease her butler by slowly putting down her horsewhip and tearing Only Tuxido, to which it thundered with a good, old-fashioned, smelly piece of those unused ugly wood found on the top shelf next to the old ceramic plate dated 8th April 1920.

So, celebrating 1st mass produced in honour of Charles & Camila, who are about to eat some meat to remember absolute remarkably tasteful love story of purple popcycles and the ladies from one of the most beautiful cities in all Antarctica next to the large oil spill over the two islands next to Camilla's Winter Palace, which costs around 12,000,000% Blaggers a month in order to account for the loss of one too many relationship, which, due to referential integrity, it enforced most of Einstein's Theory of relativity but without taking account that E = mc2 actually was incorrect but it had been programmed as correct after the bug ate all the bits and pieces known as Ebola, which come from the armpit hairs, which are found growing on chelsea's dissapointment, due to the russian mafia did not manage to buy another cup, which should go to Liverpool because I don't agree with Milan winning. However, Milan will be the favourites due to their past performance.

Eggs are the most controversial discussion topic apart from politics because they are politically incorrect when shellshocked from birth like an aardvark, which, according to Blair and Putin, looks like an inebriated clone of Bill Gates with terrible bad breath coming from his garlic filled Windows, which he takes copiously.

Suddenly, Beverly develops his interesting piece of mind control over the body of unsuspecting users. Eventually, in the middle of Mexico there is a Bill Gates lookalike but he does have brain's so he did not make software but he used to roll in mud until he ends the marriage of Charles and Camilla, who liked to keep private their affairs of state although the paparazzi.

All of sudden, they realised that they were unclothed in the middle of the night while one of picking his nose into other people's vivid imaginations but, according to the law of Putin, "Those who eat shall also masticate the whole thing, the whole time for all the wrong reasons." Therefore, they had to buy a sandwich so that they could survive the long and hard night in parliament.

However, due to an illness, Charles realised that it was significantly disgusting to wear women's underwear in front of his Mother, who was surprised to see dad in his Tuxado which made him appear quite pompous although his face showed otherwise.

The funny thing was: Camilla was also wearing a Tuxedo that was scarlett and made her look too skinny in front of new lesbian friend Madonna aka Britny. The two pop out of bed with all their clothes rustled to sounds of music coming from under the blanket where most of the time they spent cuddled together hiding under the blanket, which belonged to Paris Hilton's dog.

The one of two lost then following the latter barked at Charles who felt so lonely and deprived from those passionate wedgies giving him all the necessary power to pontificate the most unusual British humour snippets. The ones which, according to the Law of Putin, one foot in The Future should be in a misguided direction over the hill. As is Camilla waiting by the dirty toilet bowl wearing her new see thru thong she bought from the expensive store right in front of the most luxurious place in northern Iraq where all of Oday's friends gather in their crackhouse telling wisecracks about the most interesting EU constitution adventures considering the latest voter sensitivity issues coming from the Ministry of Issues regarding the latest eggroll recipe submitted by Her Majesty the Queen of Nowhere, according to Putin's Law, which states that: according to his Gran, all protons are about to implode. She is positive that all are Paris Hilton clones with fake teeth needed for upcoming event to be broadcast on BBC's "lifestyles of the world's most unique and beautiful, rich & famous couple coming from out of nowhere", according to the pink elephant foundation (which takes care of maxmangion's elephants - the one's which no-one else sees except my own imaginary friends, who, according to the demons, are dead).

Meanwhile, in Australia the most important event of Camilla's were held at Sydney's greatest theatre, the one with upsidedown people from Perth, but they aren't as backwards as the ones who know maxmangion, the one which lost his mind in the last year.

Weeks Later, dgoulston decided to return home to spend the night building a big database to record maxmangion's name. After several coding, he realised its unimportance. He realised that traveling to Saturn would have been fun but spaceships don't get very far without fuel so he took his personal spaceship powered by Microsoft. So, bugs are causing a delay and testing have found crashes happening every now and then. Updates are plentiful but lagging in usefullness.

So, they decided to tie Bill Gates and dgoulston for celebratory drinks and, getting drunk during maxmangion's torture, performed in front of a mirror, after being observed by himself, he realised that he couldn't escape without help so he had to call mum who told him

"Why call me?"

"You're me Mum!"

She suddenly said "You're home now..." she said, suddenly "...is downtown Mecca"

Stay tuned for the next thrilling installment of

The Story
 

scott-atkinson

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However, the board was not bored and they decided to commit suicide because they felt ColinEssex's CD was a real good low cost birdscarer and most hunters shoot other hunters rather than listen to the call of a castrated lilac jumpsuit clad.





This made me chuckle... :D :D
 

scott-atkinson

I'm with the Witch.......
Local time
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If anybody is interested, this is the post that detailed what the Story thread was...
 

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