What ever happened to Courtesy & Good Humour?

[Deleted]

Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty disillusioned—and frankly, fed up—with helping people.

Just this week, someone ran into an issue with one of my downloads. The problem was partly on their end (they’d set the ID field as text instead of AutoNumber), but in the process I discovered a bug in my own code and fixed it. That was a couple of hours of solid work, and yet I didn’t get so much as a “thank you” in return.

Normally I’d let something like that slide—people are busy, and I know I forget things myself. But this isn’t the first time. About two years ago, I helped a guy from Denmark who worked at LEGO. I spent hours sorting out his problem. He even offered to pay me, but I said no—I don’t do this for money. Then he promised to send me a big box of LEGO instead. I thought that was a generous gesture. But it never arrived. I hadn’t asked for it, he offered it freely, and then reneged. Honestly, that still disgusts me.

It feels like courtesy has drained out of online interactions. Too often, people in forums take offense at the smallest slip in communication, and instead of showing appreciation, they call you out.

Maybe it’s just me—but has anyone else noticed the same shift?

 

[jdraw]

Tony,

Having spent many years in data management( and developed a thickening skin), I find there are never many Thank yous--- there are some, but I wouldn't be holding my breath waiting. I suggest you take comfort in your statement
"...which I fixed, so the code is much improved. ..."
You did some learning, some self criticism, self improvement and satisfaction. Too bad about the Thank you, but you're tougher than that.

I recall one memorable moment when we were dealing with PCs in the sector branches and attempting to teach/instill some data management standards and practices. One of the user teams said (and I quote) "Thank you, thank you for not letting us do what we begged you to let us do."
You only need 1 of those.

Keep the faith, stay healthy.

 

[NauticalGent]

Jack, you have class. Let no one tell you differently...

Tony, you have taken your own measure and can shave your own face without being disgusted. What more do you need?

 

[Deleted member 147267]

Generally speaking, I'd agree that the internet (i.e. social media) seems to provide a means of interaction that has removed the pressure to adhere to some of the social graces, but if the inclination was there, it's not much different than before. How many times have you heard "I'll return the favour/money/item... next time we meet/talk " etc. and it never happened but that was before the internet? Maybe the net just makes the situation seem more prevalent because you now have the ability to interact on a much larger scale than before.

Don't let those who are socially inept and/or thankless get to you.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

I can safely assert that John (NG) believes in tangible thanks. When I helped him after he first joined the forum, I ended up getting (and still have) a challenge coin. Great conversation piece. Thanks, John. (P.S. - impressed the heck out of my Air Force brother-in-law.)

 

[AccessBlaster]

I can safely assert that John (NG) believes in tangible thanks. When I helped him after he first joined the forum, I ended up getting (and still have) a challenge coin. Great conversation piece. Thanks, John. (P.S. - impressed the heck out of my Air Force brother-in-law.)

Never heard of challenge coins, sounds like a interesting gift!

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Never heard of challenge coins, sounds like a interesting gift!

A challenge coin is actually used in military bars. A coin is a token that represents a unit, department, division, whatever. The person with the highest ranking challenge coin usually doesn't have to pay for his/her own drinks where such traditions are honored. Because of my wonky liver, I can't use it in the way it is normally used, but I still have it.

 

[AccessBlaster]

That's cool! Thanks

 

[Pac-Man]

Agreed with @Uncle Gizmo, people here are not helping for any reward nor are they getting paid. Everyone is busy but still they are giving their time here. It is moral obligation to say thanks in the least if you can't do any good to the one helping (even though he is not helping for any reward even for getting thanked).

 

[Jon]

We have a Like button. If they are not going to write Thanks, it doesn't take much to click that button. Then again, I suppose some may not notice that it is there.

 

[Dreamweaver]

I know how you feel @Uncle Gizmo I have had examples downloaded thousands of times, I can count the thanks on a couple of fingers.

I added my downloads system and decided to limit some of the new more complex examples to what I call DDApproved members Read This About group

I really got p***** when I checked the download stats I found members and visitors where coming on to my site and downloading everything so they have themselfs to blaim for the messures I took.

I love helping but the greed of pople make it hard

 

[isladogs]

Tony
Thank you so much for starting this thread...
I think we can all agree with the sentiments behind this.
Most forum members are polite and show their gratitude for advice offered though we can all think of notable exceptions who can be rude and/or hostile.

Like many who have their own website, I have a voluntary donation button as I don't have adverts to offset costs.
Its fairly unusual to receive any contributions but last year I received a £50 donation completely out of the blue as a thank you.
I was both very surprised and extremely grateful.
I offered the person concerned a free licence but they were adamant in refusing this offer.
If the person is reading this now, thanks again.

That attitude more than makes up for the person around the same time who asked me to do paid consultancy work.
When I sent the completed work according to instructions, he refused to pay.
I lost several hundred pounds payment on that one client.
That was a learning experience for me...

 

[bob fitz]

We have a Like button. If they are not going to write Thanks, it doesn't take much to click that button. Then again, I suppose some may not notice that it is there.

Perhaps we should remind them that it's there

 

[Jon]

In the past, I used to run an Access database repair business. I did a lot of repairs of peoples data. The data was critical for them and the value of a repair was enormous. I had business from all over the world, but perhaps mostly from America because of the sheer population size.

I created a system that would get a detailed quote to them within about 3 minutes of them sending me their database. It gave price, what I could recover, FAQ section and so on. It was super-fast. Once I received payment, I would send them their database. But that wasn't the end of it.

The number of people who went to their banks and reversed the transaction was significant. I lost thousands of dollars as a result. Many people don't care about others. They just want something done for free, regardless. A cynical view formed from bitter experience.

 

[Dreamweaver]

I had a couple one on this site and one on my own seemed to expect me to build them a complete system for there business just because I built the example.

I have noticed members asking one question after another we must build a good portion of some business programs just from the help we give.

I wish people would start using their brains.

I was a self employeed electrician and the games businesses play to get out of paying is never ending.

 

[jdraw]

"A cynical view formed from bitter experience." (jon)

Once bitten, twice shy.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Perhaps I was more than slightly naive that I could change someone's attitude - and even demonstrated that in my last series of exchanges with he who shall not be named. I was chiding him for his unkind responses as well as his inaccurate ones. Definitely water off a duck's back. I didn't care about the religious twist - that I can handle. But unkind and inaccurate made for a seriously unpleasant combination.

 

[Uncle Gizmo]

Well I must say I got up this morning with a sense of apprehension. I thought- here we go, I've done it again, I've made a post last thing at night without thinking it through properly!

I was seriously considering deleting it until I read the responses. I must thank you all for your support for my ill thought out post. As Colin mentions, there are some marvellous people around that do honour the old school way, and I too have been in receipt of much encouragement, and indeed monetary reward from members here, you know who you are!

So thank you all, and it is nice to know, well not "nice" to know but you know what I mean, it's nice to see that my observations aren't uncommon, and that I'm not in this boat alone, and that insight provides some perverse comfort.

 

[AccessBlaster]

This might seem painfully obliviously to anyone who reads my posts I don't necessary write for others, I write for myself. If someone else sees something of value, great.

Most of time I am off target, and drift within my thoughts. (That's the Free part)

At work many times people will come to me and say "I really want to say thank you for your help." My response is no thanks is necessary that is what we do, but thank you!

 

[Dreamweaver]

I remember my first placement after being signed off sick from the doll, it was for the council I was working in there office and they were creating legal documents and kept having problems with typing the road closure string in so I told them I could do that in access, I fully automated it for them.

to get to the point about 10 years later I meet the person who made the placment for me and he told me they all found it very userful.

I've always remembered that one, Just wondering now if it's still in use 20 years on