Amazing Simple Home Remedies

KenHigg

KenHigg

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1. Avoid Cutting Yourself When Slicing Vegetables By Getting Someone Else To Hold The Vegetables While You Chop.

2. Avoid Arguments With The Females About Lifting The Toilet Seat By Using The Sink.

3. For High Blood Pressure Sufferers ~ Simply Cut Yourself And Bleed For A Few Minutes, Thus Reducing The Pressure On Your Veins. Remember To Use A Timer.

4 A Mouse Trap Placed On Top Of Your Alarm Clock Will Prevent You From Rolling Over And Going Back To Sleep After You Hit The Snooze Button.

5. If You Have A Bad Cough, Take A Large Dose Of Laxatives. Then You'll Be Afraid To Cough.

6. You Only Need Two Tools In Life - Wd-40 And Duct Tape. If It Doesn't Move And Should, Use The Wd-40. If It Shouldn't Move And Does, Use The Duct Tape.

7. If You Can't Fix It With A Hammer, You've Got An Electrical Problem.

Daily Thought: Some People Are Like Slinkies - Not Really Good For Anything But They Bring A Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down The Stairs.
 
KenHigg said:
1. Avoid Cutting Yourself When Slicing Vegetables By Getting Someone Else To Hold The Vegetables While You Chop.

2. Avoid Arguments With The Females About Lifting The Toilet Seat By Using The Sink.

3. For High Blood Pressure Sufferers ~ Simply Cut Yourself And Bleed For A Few Minutes, Thus Reducing The Pressure On Your Veins. Remember To Use A Timer.

4 A Mouse Trap Placed On Top Of Your Alarm Clock Will Prevent You From Rolling Over And Going Back To Sleep After You Hit The Snooze Button.

5. If You Have A Bad Cough, Take A Large Dose Of Laxatives. Then You'll Be Afraid To Cough.

6. You Only Need Two Tools In Life - Wd-40 And Duct Tape. If It Doesn't Move And Should, Use The Wd-40. If It Shouldn't Move And Does, Use The Duct Tape.

7. If You Can't Fix It With A Hammer, You've Got An Electrical Problem.

Daily Thought: Some People Are Like Slinkies - Not Really Good For Anything But They Bring A Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down The Stairs.
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#1 and #5 may just be the most important ones to remember.
 
KenHigg said:
4 A Mouse Trap Placed On Top Of Your Alarm Clock Will Prevent You From Rolling Over And Going Back To Sleep After You Hit The Snooze Button.
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LOL I actually need something like this, I am running out of excuses for my boss (had a lot of car problems this month ;))

I have recently found out that I now have the ability to snooze my mobile phone alarm clock while still asleep.

Although a less painful method would be prefered :)
 
Ken you're such a guru!! My hero :D Do you think I can get my money back from the Comp School lol.
Thanks honey, I really needed a good laugh.
 
I thought you'd like those - I think I'll ask my doctor about #3 when I go in for my physical - :p

BTW - How are you?
 
KenHigg said:
I thought you'd like those - I think I'll ask my doctor about #3 when I go in for my physical - :p

BTW - How are you?
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Survived the stomach pump to remove the hospital food, so that's a good thing lol, if I could survive that I'll survive anything I guess :D
 
oumahexi said:
Survived the stomach pump to remove the hospital food, so that's a good thing lol, if I could survive that I'll survive anything I guess :D
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You would think that a hospital, being in the people business and all, good at least get the food thing right - :D

(BTW2 - Have you been to all of the places in your albums?)
 
oumahexi said:
They are in the people business??



I have indeed.
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I think you should number them and then give us a narrative of each one. The hover-over description is not sufficient - ;)
 
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
A ceiling fan is strong enough to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh" from a four year old child it's already too late
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old
Super glue is forever
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water
Pool filters do not like Jello
Always look in the oven before you turn it on
The fire department has at least a 5 minute response time
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy
It will however make cats dizzy
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy
 
KenHigg said:
6. You Only Need Two Tools In Life - Wd-40 And Duct Tape. If It Doesn't Move And Should, Use The Wd-40. If It Shouldn't Move And Does, Use The Duct Tape.
Click to expand...

I would replace the wd40 with Coca Ciola and the duct tape with a sledgehammer ;)
 
Best cure for constipation - KFC
Best cure for diarrhea - don't touch the KFC

Oh, and the only website you'll ever need (damn, I'm not saying "Goodbye" lol), www.ehow.com, I think they need some of our tips in there though :D
 
Government rules:

1. Never do today what you can delegate to a contractor tomorrow.

2. Career progression should always be: Contractor to Government to Lobbyist.

3. If it works, it is probably a violation of either system security, network security, or site policy.

4. (From the movie Contact): Why build something when you can build two somethings at twice the price?

5. Rice-bowl politics has nothing to do with rice or bowls.

6. Specific to Dept. of Defense: You can do something the right way, the wrong way, or the military way. The first two might be easy to understand. The third way is NEVER easy to understand.

7. "Because we've always done it that way" works in the government as an excuse to resist change. (They just call it "Standard Operating Procedure" and write it up in an obscure, dusty manual with too many nonsense letter combinations and digits in the title.) E.g. SAAR - OPNAV 5239/14
 
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