What's your best/worst joke? (1 Viewer)

[DickyP]

Don't worry - in the UK a dog licence was for a long time more expensive than a wedding licence.

I can't say if it still is as I haven't had a dog and the last time I got married we 'd only had decimal currency for 4 years!

 

[Mark_]

Don't worry - in the UK a dog licence was for a long time more expensive than a wedding licence.

But can I get a pet fish licence for my pet fish Eric?

 

[The_Doc_Man]

UK sobriety test

This follows the old joke that goes: "What is the difference between a pig and a fox?" "Six drinks."

 

[Cotswold]

I rang Boots up the other day and after the number options it said "If you want marijuana, press the hash key"

 

[Mark_]

There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those who CAN read binary and those who can't!

 

[DickyP]

Similar to:

There are three types of mathematicians in the world, those who can count and those who can't.

 

[AccessBlaster]

 

[Isaac]

Hmm.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Hmm.

Hrr?

 

[Isaac]

Hrr?

Well, I looked at the topic of the video combining two of the most highly censored topics known to man right now and just wondered.
Guess it's "none of my bin'ss"

 

[Isaac]

A husband and wife are driving cross-country. Three hours in, he says,
“See? No GPS needed. I’ve got an internal compass.”


Two hours later, they pass the same gas station again. She smirks,
“Your internal compass just spun in circles.”


So he sighs and says, “Fine. You navigate.”


Ten minutes later she’s deep in Pinterest finding cute road trip snacks and misses the exit.


Now they’re both lost—he won’t admit it, she won’t stop for directions—
and Siri just whispers, “You two deserve each other.”

 

[Isaac]

 

[CJ_London]

 

[Cotswold]

Ricky Gervais has a sideline making vodka and he creates his own adverts. This is one.

 

[AccessBlaster]

Many years ago I tried to get into the local nightclub on a saturday night, but the guy on the door wouldn't let me in because I wasn't wearing a tie. So I went back to my car and wrapped my jumper leads around my neck, and tried my luck again. The guy on the door said "ok, you can come in, but don't start anything"

 

[The_Doc_Man]

He probably let you in because with the jumper cables, he knew you were a copper.

 

[CJ_London]

 

[Cotswold]

 

[Cotswold]

 

[The_Doc_Man]

This says something profound about the depth perception of cats vs. dogs. Rather obviously, they see things differently. Dogs can see the illusion and see it as a danger. The problem with cats is that I'm not sure whether they can't see optical illusions or just don't care.