after a long search over the net I found the answer. it's not in the help, nor I could find it in the MSDN
refering to your menubar (CommandBar):
Application.CommandBars("CommandBar_Name").
refering to a menu in the CommandBar:
Application.CommandBars("CommandBar_Name").Controls(MenuIndex).
you can also use the Menu Caption
refering to a sub menu (The most tricky part):
Application.CommandBars("CommandBar_Name").Controls(MenuIndex).CommandBar.Controls(SubMenuIndex).
again, you can use the Menu and SubMenu captions
the most relevant properties: enabled, visible and faceID
there is no way to set a menu as "Checked" you should find an icon you like to be used and use the faceID property
look in the Access help for more properties, events, and methods
if you try to look for the CommandBar object help don't waste your time (Keyword not found).
go to the CommandBar
s object help and go from there.