Mindless IT questions

[dan-cat]

Many years ago I told a woman in our office that if she would move the mouse in a circular motion it would affect the speed of the computer, clockwise would speed it up, counter clockwise would slow it down. Then two years down the road I notice she is still doing it whenever she thought the pc was running slow...

HAHA, that's just cruelty in motion.

 

[Call_Me_Sam]

Many years ago I told a woman in our office that if she would move the mouse in a circular motion it would affect the speed of the computer, clockwise would speed it up, counter clockwise would slow it down. Then two years down the road I notice she is still doing it whenever she thought the pc was running slow...

I'm sooo glad i read this...my access was running slow, trying to calculate a 5 week moving average then producing a year on year figures for 4 different fields...and the progress bar was stuck for ages..but clockwise moving of the mousepad gave me an extra green bar with milliseconds of touching it..GO FRIDAY!! only 18 more bars to go i think..

 

[Friday]

I'm sooo glad i read this...my access was running slow, trying to calculate a 5 week moving average then producing a year on year figures for 4 different fields...and the progress bar was stuck for ages..but clockwise moving of the mousepad gave me an extra green bar with milliseconds of touching it..GO FRIDAY!! only 18 more bars to go i think..

Methinks if you move the mouse in a cross pattern, you will find the bars go by much faster...

 

[Call_Me_Sam]

Methinks if you move the mouse in a cross pattern, you will find the bars go by much faster...

do you mean like a morbius (mobius) strip???? i'm trying that right now and i've added two more bars...ooo might just get there by the end of the day...

 

[The_Doc_Man]

I remember this gem from the earlier days of our own help desk. The user wanted to know if a particular data download had occurred but he was new and didn't know where everything went. But that was only the tip of the iceberg.

In the middle of the call, the dialog want something like this...

Tech: OK, we need to check the directory to see if we can find the file that should have been downloaded... So type in D I R and hit ENTER.

User: {long pause} How do you spell that D I R thing?

Tech: {leaves the room in tears, unable to hold back the laughter.}

 

[Rabbie]

Methinks if you move the mouse in a cross pattern, you will find the bars go by much faster...

research using one of my more gullible colleagues suggest that holding the mouse in your left hand while moving in a circular manner is even more effective

 

[Call_Me_Sam]

research using one of my more gullible colleagues suggest that holding the mouse in your left hand while moving in a circular manner is even more effective

LEFT HAND...nobody said left hand....damn no wonder i stayed up half the night only for the query to fail..[left hand]...

i settled for writing a short piece of code that took 10 mins to write and 2 mins to execute...total waste of a day getting the wrong hand....maybe i should get a copy of 'Hi*tler' to relieve my stress

 

[ajetrumpet]

i Get A Lot Of "my Keyboard Is Broken, It Wont Type" Or "my Computer Is Frozen."

I Click On The Screen With The Mouse To Activate The Window And It Starts Typing..........

I Love My Job

lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's Great.

 

[ajetrumpet]

Many years ago I told a woman in our office that if she would move the mouse in a circular motion it would affect the speed of the computer, clockwise would speed it up, counter clockwise would slow it down. Then two years down the road I notice she is still doing it whenever she thought the pc was running slow...

We had a senior manager at corporate hq rename a bunch of the folders on our network data drive. He didn't think the names made sense. Of course, none of our programs would run after that...

HAHA, that's just cruelty in motion.

It's also potential Research in Motion

 

[ajetrumpet]

Actual call while taking an online exam


IT: How may I help you?
USER: I cannot submit my answer to the questions.
IT: You may have to view every page before the submit button will activate.
USER: How do I do that?
IT: Scroll through the pages using the "Next Page" button
USER: Which one is that?
IT: The button that has the arrow pointing to the right on it.
USER: I DID push it.
IT: Not the "Last Page" button, the other one.
USER: You mean the one where the arrow points to the right?
IT: YES.
USER: I DID press that one.
IT: See the button that has a vertical line next to the arrow?
USER: Yes.
IT: Do not push that one. Push the one that doesn't have the line next to it.
USER: Ok, I did.
IT: Keep pressing it until you can't press it anymore.
USER: Ok, I did.
IT: Is the submit button now available to you?
USER: No.
IT: Which way was the arrow pointing on the button that you were pushing?
USER: Left.
IT: "........"

 

[statsman]

Threaten to dip their right hand in a bucket of paint so they can remember the difference.

 

[Silverblood]

I also had a fun call today.

Customer: Hello, i have a problem with my Xerox machine
Me: Good afternoon, what is the problem exactly
Customer: I have a problem with installing VMware on my Xerox machine
Me: Vmware on your xerox machine?
Customer: Yes, i can't seem to install it.
me: Please hold

Asked around with colleagues, and they all said i was crazy for even mentioning....

Me: Thank you for waiting, are you sure it's VMware, since none of my colleagues have ever heard that it was possible.
Customer: yes it's vmware, just get me your colleague on the phone, he knows what i'm talking about.
Me: Put him through to my colleague.


Guess what he was trying to say :



Firmware.....

 

[sbenj69]

Heh, over a decade ago, I was working in a local computer sales/service store. I had sold a customer a brand new custom build system (Pentium 133Mhz). Well, I built the system, it had a CDROM drive (4X CDROM) and the works. I loaded Windows 95, and the system worked great!

Well, the customer came and picked up the computer and took it home. He got it all hooked up correctly and all that, and wanted to listen to a cd. Well he put the cd in, and no music. He calls me up, and I go through all the basic trouble shooting (see if it shows up in "My Computer", "Device Manager", see if it recognizes the cd being inserted, etc etc) I even had him try data cd's to see if he could open those, which he couldn't. I probably spent 30 minutes on the phone walking him through everything all-the-while wanting to smash the phone on the work bench. Finally, I asked him to bring the tower in. He agreed.

I hooked up the tower, booted up Windows 95 and proceeded to do my own diagnostics on the cdrom drive. I hit the eject button on the drive, the tray comes out, and I couldn't believe what I saw. Right there, before my eyes was a cd..... only one thing...... it was upside down! Guess what question I asked first from then on? The cd drive worked fine. It's hard to explain to a customer with a straight face what they did wrong sometimes.

 

[dan-cat]

Right there, before my eyes was a cd..... only one thing...... it was upside down!

Wish I'd been there to see your face

 

[Brianwarnock]

Back in my main frame days our network had several thousand dumb terminals, and the first questions that the Network support girls, yep they were all girls, asked were whether the terminal was plugged in switched on at the socket, switched on itself, these questions could provoke angry responses but also solved almost all problems, but then the girls would generally know of a network problem before the users.

Brian

 

[sbenj69]

Heh, at that same local computer store, we had a receptionist who had never really used computers before that job. One day she was installing something and it came up with a license agreement accept/decline page. She called me up to the front, and asked if she should "Accept". I decided I'd play a prank on her, and acted all excited and everything..... I was like.... "NO! DON'T EVER PRESS ACCEPT ON THOSE!! 9 times out of 10 it is actually a virus!!" Heh, she pressed decline, and naturally it stopped the install. I went back to the tech room.... about an hour later she calls me back up. "I've been trying to install this for the last hour and I can't get it to go past this point", she said. LOL, I said, "Have you tried pressing 'Accept'?"

She certainly had good aim in throwing staplers

 

[dapfeifer]

Oh the joys of working at a University computer lab. The University decided it was time to upgrade to Office 2007, and as I'm sure most of us know it looks very different than previous versions of Office. Needless to say I had countless questions the first few weeks about how to save, print, etc...thanks Microsoft! Oh well...actually made me feel like I was getting paid for something for once!

 

[namliam]

Copied over from this thread which triggered this memory for me...
I thought it belonged here as well

About a week ago...

My Customer:
I guess my 1.2 gig home grown amature over the top access database on my desktop is a problem???

Oh... yeah I do take 20 minutes to startup in the morning... what did you say? You can bring this down to 2 minutes? Great!!
Any my DB down to 20 meg?? Wow!!! You are a magician mr Mailman...

My toughts:
Yeah sure, just a matter of a compact

10 minutes later:
Presto sir, your improved computer have fun.
Oh and by the way... it seems you have access to this and that database.

Customer:
Yeah I had a friend (who was fired months back) who granted me access.

My thoughts:
OK ? Guess I know why the guy got fired... This guy shouldnt have access to these databases... Could explain a data corruption or two we have been experiencing lately.

My Answer...
OK Cool... Have a nice day.

Back at the desk:
Kill user/pw

10 minutes later phone rings...
Customer: You fixed my computer, buy my DB dont work anymore
Me: Oh whats wrong??
Customer: It says unable to authenticate
Me: That means you dont have rights to the DB.
Let me check our systems.... What user did you have?
Customer: User? I dont know
Me: OK Let me check your credentials, No I cannot find your authorization to have access to this anywhere....
Do you have a copy??
Customer: Nevermind

 

[Dan_T4]

I see that these seemingly daft questions can be learnt from. My first Access Application was written in '94 for a guy in the office where I worked at the time. We went through all his needs and I kept him abreast of the development at key stages, showing him how it worked and he was very excited about it.

First time I get him to road test the application.
Me:"With the mouse click on that key icon on the screen."
Him: "Mouse?"
Me: "Yeah this." pointing to mouse
Him: "What's that for?"

This is when I took a step back and started with see this thing with keys on it that looks like a typewriter without the ribbon and paper and things. I learnt then you can't assume someone knows anything.

Another a few months ago. Client calls up with, "The database doesn't work." First questions centred about has anything changed in your PC software, hardware, antivirus etc? Client insists it hasn't.

For whatever reason I didn't start a remote session and decided to talked him through the basics to no avail. Then he offers this gem.

"Dan do you think that when last week my hard drive broke and I had it replaced and now I have two in there but still only one works, had anything to do with it? I also now have both with the same version of Office on. What do you think Dan? .... Dan? Dan?" Nothing changed in his PC environment then and I am getting my breath back to proceed calmly.

I still think these things are for us to learn how to deal with.

Dan

 

[Groundrush]

My favourites involves my mum

She once phoned me at work to see if I could get her some paper for her fax machine

I said "sure I'll fax some over to you now" she replied "Oh, can you do that?"




There was also the occasion where we were bouncing emails back & forth arguing over something stupid.....as you do


It ended when her last email read

"Do not email me again, I am not going to read them or reply back
Oh.... I have emailed the photo you sent back to you as I don't want it"



that made me smile so I phoned her & we made up