Pat Hartman has left the building (1 Viewer)

[Isaac]

I try to be nice because I care about how people see my personality.
I try to be polite because I don’t want others to think I’m rude.
I wake up every morning 30 minutes earlier to take a shower, shave, and brush my teeth, so that others feel comfortable when talking to me.
I wear decent, sometimes even fancy clothes, to make a good impression and show respect for the people around me.
I have a million things to say and post here, but I don't. Because I don't want others think I'm insensitive or classless.

Of course, I could do whatever I want without caring what others think.
I could ignore my manners and act purely on impulse.
But I don’t. Because I care. All of these are out of respect for others, and I expect others respect me in the same way.

More than 90% of what we do every day is influenced by how we want to be seen by others. That’s not a sign of weakness, That’s part of being human. Caring how others see us doesn’t mean we lack confidence.
I think kindness, manners, and self-respect all begin with caring. If we don't care about how others see us, all of that will be gone.

We're talking about two different things. It's good to know how you are seen in the sense of behaving well, but to me it's a freedom to do what's right and then not worry what others think of you. Worrying abouto what everyone else's opinion is, is a bondage that you'll never be free of, because you can't control it nor is it any of your business what others think of you. I've become free of beinga people pleaser. do I want to do what's right? YES. But to make other people think well of me? Nope. That's a slavery that will oppress you mentally your whole life.

Caring how your behavior affects others, and trying to be thoughtful and not rude? Of course, that's the way to live.
But caring beyond that what people's opinions of you are? A slavery you'll never escape if you give it a second thought. Not only is it a slavery, but it will convince you to do wrong things, since sometimes other people want you to do or be something wrong (quite common in today's society). For example, in today's society, it is quite common for women to post pictures of themselves in their underwear on the internet for all to see. Celebrities especially enjoy doing this. Everyone might expect it, but not caring about their opinions will keep you grounded in what you know is right (not doing it).
Thankfully, nobody wants me to do that

 

[AccessBlaster]

The other day I was thinking of something interesting.
About back in those days.
Those were days when there were plenty of Englishmen who admired the United States.
And now?

I really don't care what the English think of us, they have their own issues when it comes to speech.

 

[Isaac]

I really don't care what the English think of us, they have their own issues when it comes to speech.

Un-FOTCH-unately, that's true!

 

[GPGeorge]

I really don't care what the English think of us, they have their own issues when it comes to speech.

It does occur to me that a significant aspect of this discussion originated in the emergence of the UK's new Online Safety Act as a weapon against unapproved speech.

 

[AccessBlaster]

Did you visit Faneuil Hall?... My wife is from Framingham so we periodically go up there.

I remember going to "The Combat Zone" in 1969. That was a crazy area of Boston. Jay Leno got his start there.

Yes, we visited Faneuil Hall. We took three walking tours and one hop-on hop-off bus tour. Suffice to say we got our steps in

My daughter and me on a cold and windy day.

 

[BlueSpruce]

Worrying abouto what everyone else's opinion is, is a bondage that you'll never be free of, because you can't control it nor is it any of your business what others think of you.

Many judge others according to their standards, and those standards are varied, so I don't concern myself with what others think of me. I consider myself a fair and respectful person, but won't allow anyone to tread, disrespect, or gaslight me.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

As a musician, I learned long ago that some people will like your work and others will dislike your work. It's gonna happen! We ALL have our own little likes and dislikes. I have therefore learned to develop a shell like an armadillo. You CAN crack my shell, but not easily.

That attitude from my college days carried over to my working career. As long as I kept the boss reasonably happy, the attitudes of others were less important. Not zero. But less than highest importance.

@KitaYama, it is good to want to please people. Good - but not mandatory. I usually settle for "have people who don't hate me." That is easier to reach. Getting everyone to like me? Ain't gonna happen.

 

[Thales750]

About how other people see us. I think there are certain standards that all societies have in common and they mostly relate to integrity. If we spend our entire lives practicing actions that demonstrate integrity then the people that count are going to respect us and like us and their opinion of us will reflect that.
And the reality is, you can tell yourself you don't care what other people think, and you can create barriers that offer you protection but you do care and you should care, because if caring helps you learn how to have more integrity then their opinions matter.
Many of the people in my life that have made a mantra out of saying, I don't care what people think of me, often have social behaviors that make people not like them.

 

[Isaac]

About how other people see us. I think there are certain standards that all societies have in common and they mostly relate to integrity. If we spend our entire lives practicing actions that demonstrate integrity then the people that count are going to respect us and like us and their opinion of us will reflect that.
And the reality is, you can tell yourself you don't care what other people think, and you can create barriers that offer you protection but you do care and you should care, because if caring helps you learn how to have more integrity then their opinions matter.
Many of the people in my life that have made a mantra out of saying, I don't care what people think of me, often have social behaviors that make people not like them.

I care whether my behavior aligns with what's right and decent, but not what their opinion is of me - it's a fine line. That's just me.

And I agree, there are plenty of people who give it a bad name, who say I don't care what people think of me and then act badly.

For me, it's a way of just doing what's right and other people's opinions of me are none of my business. Else (as social media has proved to society), one quickly becomes a slave of other people's opinions.

Not caring what other people think of me does NOT mean not caring about how my actions affect people, it means once you've done what you think is right, continuing to allow others' opinions to occupy space in your head, bad idea.

 

[moke123]

Yes, we visited Faneuil Hall. We took three walking tours and one hop-on hop-off bus tour. Suffice to say we got our steps in

View attachment 122198
My daughter and me on a cold and windy day.

Too bad Hoover the talking seal isn't alive anymore. He was always fun to go see after the bars.

Hoover (seal) - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

My sister lived a few blocks away on commercial street for years. we'd do the hall often.

 

[BlueSpruce]

Too bad Hoover the talking seal isn't alive anymore. He was always fun to go see after the bars.

Hoover (seal) - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

My sister lived a few blocks away on commercial street for years. we'd do the hall often.

Our wedding was on July 28, 1985 in Natick. We never got a chance to see him, RIP Hoover

 

[AccessBlaster]

I care whether my behavior aligns with what's right and decent, but not what their opinion is of me - it's a fine line. That's just me.

And I agree, there are plenty of people who give it a bad name, who say I don't care what people think of me and then act badly.

For me, it's a way of just doing what's right and other people's opinions of me are none of my business. Else (as social media has proved to society), one quickly becomes a slave of other people's opinions.

Not caring what other people think of me does NOT mean not caring about how my actions affect people, it means once you've done what you think is right, continuing to allow others' opinions to occupy space in your head, bad idea.

Well said, Isaac. Some people here lack self-awareness and fail to see that their words and vitriol contribute to the current climate. We’ve all had a hand in this, and very few of us are immune to the hypocrisy.

 

[BlueSpruce]

Well said, Isaac. Some people here lack self-awareness and fail to see that their words and vitriol contribute to the current climate. We’ve all had a hand in this, and very few of us are immune to the hypocrisy.

I admitted to "putting the batteries on P.." thus fueling her anger, and I should've backed off, but my strong convictions about the subject we were debating, plus all the past history between me and her, and how I saw her treating others, brought out my demons.

NOTE: Something's wrong with doing searches in AWF. Has anyone else experienced that anomaly?

 

[AccessBlaster]

I admitted to "putting the batteries on P.." thus fueling her anger, and I should've backed off, but my strong convictions about the subject we were debating, plus all the past history between me and her, and how I saw her treating others, brought out my demons.

Truth be told, there were about five or six of us who go back many years, even before COVID-19. In many ways, COVID was the catalyst that brought us to where we are today.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

I admitted to "putting the batteries on P.." thus fueling her anger, and I should've backed off, but my strong convictions about the subject we were debating, plus all the past history between me and her, and how I saw her treating others, brought out my demons.

NOTE: Something's wrong with doing searches in AWF. Has anyone else experienced that anomaly?

Several people have noted the problem. There is a formal report about it. No response from Jon yet.

 

[BlueSpruce]

Several people have noted the problem. There is a formal report about it. No response from Jon yet.

The search index probably got messed up when P's 48K posts were removed and the caches need rebuilding.

 

[KitaYama]

it is good to want to please people. Good - but not mandatory. I usually settle for "have people who don't hate me." That is easier to reach. Getting everyone to like me? Ain't gonna happen.

I think there's a difference between "caring for others" and "pleasing others". Maybe I failed to show how I think, even though I used "Care" multiple times.

I care whether my behavior aligns with what's right and decent, but not what their opinion is of me

Can you guarantee that your idea of what’s right and decent is truly correct?
Isn’t it possible that those who do wrong, also act from a belief that they’re doing what’s right?
Right and wrong often depend on perspective — culture, upbringing, experience.
If everyone’s convinced their values are the right ones, how can you tell you're actually right?

A hard question:
Do you really think that pat believed that her behaviour was wrong?
Hint : No, she assumed she was on the correct side.

 

[NauticalGent]

Hint : No, she assumed she was on the correct side.

And therein was the problem

 

[moke123]

I kinda feel like an unemployed fact checker.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Aw, moke... should I throw a lie your way just to help you keep in practice?