Bodisathva
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Why should females avoid girls night out after they’re married?
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What's your best/worst joke? (2 Viewers)
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Jacob Mathai
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A minister tells a joke
A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.
Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.
The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"
---------------------------------------------------------------
Closing sermon words
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."
--------------------------------------------------------
A sermon about lying
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.
Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.
The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"
---------------------------------------------------------------
Closing sermon words
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."
--------------------------------------------------------
A sermon about lying
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
Jacob Mathai
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The preacher's last wish
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.
Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.
Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."
Jacob Mathai
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The Devil's offer
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."
The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."
The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
Ally
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Billy goes up to his dad one day and says, “Dad, Dad. What is it when two people sleep on top of each other?
His dad takes a deep breath and says, “Okay son. It’s about time you knew. It’s called sexual intercourse.”
Billy runs off happy but returns shortly. “Dad, you were wrong. It’s not sexual intercourse, it called bunk beds and Jo’s dad is very cross and wants a word with you!”
His dad takes a deep breath and says, “Okay son. It’s about time you knew. It’s called sexual intercourse.”
Billy runs off happy but returns shortly. “Dad, you were wrong. It’s not sexual intercourse, it called bunk beds and Jo’s dad is very cross and wants a word with you!”
Jacob Mathai
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Great to hear from you Ally!!
Ally, it is great to hear from you. Hope everything is well with you and your family.
My belated Happy Birthday to you!
Ally, it is great to hear from you. Hope everything is well with you and your family.
My belated Happy Birthday to you!
Jacob Mathai
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The Four Engineers
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.
The car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.
The car broke down.
The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke."
The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas."
The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"
The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."
Jacob Mathai
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A lawyer and an engineer were fishing
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I'm
here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”
“That's quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I'm here because my house and
all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. “How do you start a flood?”" he asked.
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I'm
here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”
“That's quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I'm here because my house and
all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. “How do you start a flood?”" he asked.
Jacob Mathai
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How Government works
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said,"Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said,"How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said,"How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said,"How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Congress said,"Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said,"We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Could Noah build his ark today?
If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems.
First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices.
Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.
Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.
Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.
The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'.
And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years."
Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said,"Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said,"How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said,"How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said,"How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.
Then Congress said,"Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said,"We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Could Noah build his ark today?
If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems.
First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices.
Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls.
The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.
Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.
Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.
The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'.
And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional.
I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years."
Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."
Jacob Mathai
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Kidneys and Livers
Two old men were arguing the merits of their doctors. The first one said, "I don't trust your fancy doctor. He treated old Jake Waxman for a kidney ailment for nearly a year, and then Jake died of a liver ailment."
"So what makes you think your doctor is any better?" asked his friend.
"Because when my doctor treats you for a kidney ailment, you can be sure you'll die of a kidney ailment."
-----------------------------------------------------------
A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, "Tell me, what do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"When they ask, I give them advice", replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill in the morning."
The doctor decided to take the lawyer's advice and for the rest of the evening wrote down the names and addresses of everyone who approached him for advice. The next morning
he took out the list, just as his secretary walked into his office and handed him a bill from the lawyer.
Two old men were arguing the merits of their doctors. The first one said, "I don't trust your fancy doctor. He treated old Jake Waxman for a kidney ailment for nearly a year, and then Jake died of a liver ailment."
"So what makes you think your doctor is any better?" asked his friend.
"Because when my doctor treats you for a kidney ailment, you can be sure you'll die of a kidney ailment."
-----------------------------------------------------------
A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Their conversation was interrupted repeatedly by guests asking the doctor for medical advice. Finally, the exasperated doctor turned to the lawyer and said, "Tell me, what do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"When they ask, I give them advice", replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill in the morning."
The doctor decided to take the lawyer's advice and for the rest of the evening wrote down the names and addresses of everyone who approached him for advice. The next morning
he took out the list, just as his secretary walked into his office and handed him a bill from the lawyer.
Jacob Mathai
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The way you say it
It's not what you say, but the way you say it.
On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes."
The girl was very flattered.
What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."
------------------------------------------------------------------
What a large crowd
A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.
A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."
"Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends."
"Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."
It's not what you say, but the way you say it.
On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes."
The girl was very flattered.
What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."
------------------------------------------------------------------
What a large crowd
A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.
A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."
"Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends."
"Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."
Jacob Mathai
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How many sheep do I have?
There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.
So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.
Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.
The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.
"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.
Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.
She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.
She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"
The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."
There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.
So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.
Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.
The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.
"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.
Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.
She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.
She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"
The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."
GMLWORLDCHAMP!
GMLWorldChamp!
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It seems the husband in this marriage is addicted to sex and golf so after some time discussing infidelity, the couple has the following discussion:
Wife: “From now on when you cheat on me I want you to put a dozen of your golf balls in the dresser’s top drawer. If you just think about cheating on me, I want you to put a twenty dollar bill in the dresser’s bottom drawer and I’m gonna check the dresser every week to see what’s going on.”
The first week there are no golf balls in the top drawer and no money in the bottom drawer…
The third week there is a dozen golf balls in the top drawer and a $20 in the bottom drawer…!
The fifth week there is still that same dozen golf balls in the top drawer and in the bottom drawer, there’s $100!
The sixth week there is still that same dozen golf balls but now the bottom drawer has $240…
By the tenth week the wife is feeling better about his one indiscretion because there is still that same one dozen golf balls in the top drawer but now there is well over $500 in the bottom drawer so she feel a little better…even though he’s been thinking about cheating…a lot!
Then the weekend of the third month she notices all of the money is gone from the bottom drawer so she asks, “Honey. What happened to all that money in the dresser?”
Excitedly, she adds, “Have you finally realized that even thinking about cheating on me is wrong?”
Husband: “What? Ohh, yeah, No, I was saving it up to buy more golf balls!#??#!”
Wife: “From now on when you cheat on me I want you to put a dozen of your golf balls in the dresser’s top drawer. If you just think about cheating on me, I want you to put a twenty dollar bill in the dresser’s bottom drawer and I’m gonna check the dresser every week to see what’s going on.”
The first week there are no golf balls in the top drawer and no money in the bottom drawer…
The third week there is a dozen golf balls in the top drawer and a $20 in the bottom drawer…!
The fifth week there is still that same dozen golf balls in the top drawer and in the bottom drawer, there’s $100!
The sixth week there is still that same dozen golf balls but now the bottom drawer has $240…
By the tenth week the wife is feeling better about his one indiscretion because there is still that same one dozen golf balls in the top drawer but now there is well over $500 in the bottom drawer so she feel a little better…even though he’s been thinking about cheating…a lot!
Then the weekend of the third month she notices all of the money is gone from the bottom drawer so she asks, “Honey. What happened to all that money in the dresser?”
Excitedly, she adds, “Have you finally realized that even thinking about cheating on me is wrong?”
Husband: “What? Ohh, yeah, No, I was saving it up to buy more golf balls!#??#!”
Jacob Mathai
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Telephone call
A woman of our acquaintance was in the habit of having long telephone conversations that sometimes lasted over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes.
"What is the matter?" asked her husband. "You were on the phone talking for less than half an hour."
"I got a wrong number," the woman replied.
A woman of our acquaintance was in the habit of having long telephone conversations that sometimes lasted over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes.
"What is the matter?" asked her husband. "You were on the phone talking for less than half an hour."
"I got a wrong number," the woman replied.
Greyowlsl
Mlak Mlak
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How do you get a giraf in the fridge...
open the door put the giraf in and close it.
How do you get a lion in the fridge...
open the door take the giraf out and put the lion in.
What animal is the king of the jungle... the lion right...
wrong, the tiger is, because the lion is still stuck in the fridge.
prob the lamest joke i ever heard, which is probably why i remember it
open the door put the giraf in and close it.
How do you get a lion in the fridge...
open the door take the giraf out and put the lion in.
What animal is the king of the jungle... the lion right...
wrong, the tiger is, because the lion is still stuck in the fridge.
prob the lamest joke i ever heard, which is probably why i remember it
Last edited:
Greyowlsl
Mlak Mlak
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Religion makes people believe there is a man floating in the sky that watches everything we do and everything we think, he created everything and with that he made 10 rules for us to obey and if we do not obey them then we will go to hell where we will be tortured and suffer in buring pain and fire until the end of time... but, he loves you. - ,George Carlin
Bodisathva
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But how does a mathematician put an elephant in a fridge?
Put the trunk in the fridge and define the rest as the error term...
Put the trunk in the fridge and define the rest as the error term...
Greyowlsl
Mlak Mlak
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Ok so there was this black player on a german soccer team. he had just washed his clothes before he got on the field, but when he got to the field and started playing he couldent run, why?
He washed his clothes with "OMO liquid capsules - stops colours from running"
He washed his clothes with "OMO liquid capsules - stops colours from running"
