Joke

[GaryPanic]

Possibly the worst joke you'll hear this year

A man was walking home alone late one night

when he hears a.......



BUMP...



BUMP...




BUMP... behind him.



Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him



BUMP...

BUMP...



BUMP...




Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ...



faster...



faster...



BUMP...



BUMP....



BUMP.



He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.


However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping ..





clappity-BUMP...




clappity-BUMP...






clappity-BUMP...






clappity-BUMP...






on the heels of the terrified man.... .










Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is
coming in sobbing gasps....






With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the door.
Bumping and clapping towards him.






The man screams and reaches for something heavy, anything ...






his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of Cough Syrup









Desperate, he throws the Cough Syrup as hard as he can at the apparition.









and the coffin stops!











Just like the bottle said it would.

 

[ColinEssex]

thats not the worst. I (very briefly) saw an American "comic" on TV
Then I turned over and watched the test-card, that was much more fun

Col

 

[KenHigg]

thats not the worst. I (very briefly) saw an American "comic" on TV
Then I turned over and watched the test-card, that was much more fun

Col

G'morning Col. Feel like feuding today or should we take break

 

[ColinEssex]

G'morning Col. Feel like feuding today or should we take break

Up to you, you're the one that stirs it all up.

I'm quite happy sat here listening to my MP3. I'm off to the canteen shortly to get some chips (thats English chips not what you lot call chips)

Col

 

[KenHigg]

Up to you, you're the one that stirs it all up.

I'm quite happy sat here listening to my MP3. I'm off to the canteen shortly to get some chips (thats English chips not what you lot call chips)

Col

Ok then, I'll try to be nice.

What kind of mp3 player do you have? I've gotten to where I listen to net radio here at work as there are hundreds of different genres to pick from...

 

[ColinEssex]

I have a Zen Micro. By Creative. I don't have many tracks on it yet, only about 400. I sometimes listen to the radio using my mobile phone.

Actually - (compliment coming so watch out!) I'm listening to a very funny American comedian called Bob Newhart, one of the few good things to come out of the USA.

Col

 

[KenHigg]

I have a Zen Micro. By Creative. I don't have many tracks on it yet, only about 400. I sometimes listen to the radio using my mobile phone.

Actually - (compliment coming so watch out!) I'm listening to a very funny American comedian called Bob Newhart, one of the few good things to come out of the USA.

Col

400 - I'll bet you have a lot oldies rock...

Newhart was popular some time back, especially with the so called intellectuals - I think he had several sitcoms in the '70's - early '80's

 

[ColinEssex]

400 - I'll bet you have a lot oldies rock...

Newhart was popular some time back, especially with the so called intellectuals - I think he had several sitcoms in the '70's - early '80's

Some rock n roll, like Elvis, Gene Vincent etc, but also jazz, Abba, Beatles, some modern country music, some blues BB King, Ray Charles, some easy listening like Glen Campbell, John Denver, The Everly's, Beach Boys, Rita Coolidge.

Newhart's TV show never made it here as far as I know. Most of his comedy stuff dates back to the early 60's but his style of comedy using actual scenario's is really good. I know his stuff is old because in one he mentions the advertising company with the Edsel account.

Col

 

[Rich]

Actually - (compliment coming so watch out!) I'm listening to a very funny American comedian called Bob Newhart, Col

Would it be the driving instructor sketch?

 

[ColinEssex]

Would it be the driving instructor sketch?

Thats the one, but he's done many more on various subjects - unusually for a Yank, he's really good

Col

 

[KenHigg]

Hum... I don't guess I've ever heard that stuff. I'll have to keep an eye open for it...

Was that edsel as in the car? I think that car was even before his time - ?

 

[KenHigg]

Bit off topic - (Maybe Gary won't mind ):

Did that soccer guy thats in the news that moved to the US come from the UK?

 

[Rich]

Bit off topic - (Maybe Gary won't mind ):

Did that soccer guy thats in the news that moved to the US come from the UK?

Well given that the US news is usually way behind everybody else you probably mean George Best, I hate to disapoint you but he won't be coming now, he's dead

 

[KenHigg]

Well given that the US news is usually way behind everybody else you probably mean George Best, I hate to disapoint you but he won't be coming now, he's dead

I think his name is something like beckhem or beckman? Seems he has hollowood in an uproar -

 

[GaryPanic]

Hey - keeps you happy - i just posted the joke - however you gonna get best joke when you get beckham -
He is/was a good football player , however he is nowhere near the top of the league now he's just a pretty boy
g.

 

[Pauldohert]

http://www.access-programmers.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=121149

 

[KenHigg]

http://www.access-programmers.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=121149

Thanks Paul - So I 'm guessing they are glad to get rid of him. And since the US teams are sub-par, there's a chance he may be comparatively good over here -

 

[Pauldohert]

In footballing terms he isn't really at the top of the game, in terms of merchandise he's your man.

Someone over there could sign Michael Owen too, Newcastle United would be eternally grateful.

 

[Pauldohert]

So I 'm guessing they are glad to get rid of him.

Well the owner of real madrid went balistic when he found out he was leaving, he never went balistic when it was decided by the manager he wasn't going to play very often however.

That may tell you all you need to know.