Mindless IT questions

Groundrush said:
There was also the occasion where we were bouncing emails back & forth arguing over something stupid.....as you do :rolleyes:


It ended when her last email read

"Do not email me again, I am not going to read them or reply back
Oh.... I have emailed the photo you sent back to you as I don't want it"

:D

that made me smile so I phoned her & we made up :)
Click to expand...

LOL. Now why can't they have people like you and your mum on daytime TV? :D I wasn't feeling great on Friday and spent half the day in front of the TV, gave up on watching audiences who believe the people fighting on stage are for real! Finally reached for my favourite Dexter DVs, ahh, bliss...
 
oumahexi said:
LOL. Now why can't they have people like you and your mum on daytime TV? :D I wasn't feeling great on Friday and spent half the day in front of the TV, gave up on watching audiences who believe the people fighting on stage are for real! Finally reached for my favourite Dexter DVs, ahh, bliss...
Click to expand...

Dexter is cool :cool:
 
oumahexi said:
LOL. Now why can't they have people like you and your mum on daytime TV? :D I wasn't feeling great on Friday and spent half the day in front of the TV, gave up on watching audiences who believe the people fighting on stage are for real! Finally reached for my favourite Dexter DVs, ahh, bliss...
Click to expand...

Dexter on DVD? I missed that advertisement. Guess I will have to look for it
 
We've got a printer!!

This one takes me back to my earlier life in the NHS using dBase III+ I got a phone call one Sunday morning of my IT director, a database had been written which cataloged all the music from the Hospital Radio. The local mayor was coming to look at it the next day, however the base unit crashed and the bloke that wrote it was 100miles away.

She asked me to write a new program to be ready for the mayor the next day (overtime was payed). I knocked it together in time but as they did not have a printer at that time I had a button the screen but disabled it. Saying to the DJ's once you have a printer let me know and I will enable it for you.

Anyway about six months later I got a phone call of a DJ who said "Hey we've got a printer now, can you set it up so we can print out the catelog?" Ok I replied will call in after lunch. So on my way back from lunch I went to the office and was talking mindlessly to the DJ all the time casting my eyes around looking for the new printer. Anyway after about ten minutes I said "Ok where is this new printer you want setting up?"

To my suprise and completely unexpected he pointed to a Manual typewriter sat on the desk next to the base unit.!!!!

How I kept my face straight and offered a reason as to why I could not do it at that point (which he believed implicitly) I don't know. Anyway they never did get that printer installed.

Another great one was I got a phone call from a customer stating that her computer screen was not working, she had switched the computer on (Tower unit under her desk) but nothing was happening. I went through several questions like: Is there a green or red light on at the front of the monitor? Is the base unit actually switched on? Has the plug come loose from the power supply? In the end I asked her to get on her knees and look at the back of the base unit and check that the on/off switch was in the on position. Her reply was "I can't find it, it's to dark under here", Ok I said put the lamp on that you have on you desk (Been there before) and use that to see more clearly. "I would she said but there's been a power cut and we have no electric at the moment":eek:
 
DCrake said:
I said "put the lamp on that you have on you desk (Been there before) and use that to see more clearly." "I would she said but there's been a power cut and we have no electric at the moment":eek:
Click to expand...
Hum...:rolleyes: Unbelievable!
 
This has nothing to do with IT, but it does have to do with accounting. I assume that almost everyone here knows what a general ledger is. If you don't, that's the "document" or "log" that accountants use to keep track of every transaction that takes place within an organization (mostly to keep organized). Again, if you don't know, it is made up of "debits" and "credits" (this has nothing to do with "positives" and "negatives", it is simply a means of balancing both sides of an accounting equation).

Now that you know the background of that concept, here is part of a ledger that I once had to audit at a small medical institution (the transaction entries were made by accounting clerks):
Code: 
[B][U]Date[/U][/B]         [B][U]Description[/U][/B]                                        [B][U]Dr[/U][/B]        [B][U]Cr[/U][/B]
Mar 4        Travel - CEO, Houston trip                         3,000
Mar 6        Bank - Monthly Service Fee                         5.00
Mar 6        February Accured Interest                                    67.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 1                                667.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 2                                833.50
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 3                                667.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 4                                592.20
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment Reversal - Employee 1              667.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment Reversal - Employee 2              833.50
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment Reversal - Employee 3              667.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment Reversal - Employee 4              592.20
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 1                                734.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 2                                916.85
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 3                                734.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 4                                651.42
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment - Employee 1                       67.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment - Employee 2                       83.35
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment - Employee 3                       67.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment - Employee 4                       59.22
Can someone tell me what's wrong with this picture? :rolleyes: How much are they supposed to get paid again? I'm confused...
 
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ajetrumpet said:
This has nothing to do with IT, but it does have to do with accounting. I assume that almost everyone here knows what a general ledger is. If you don't, that's the "document" or "log" that accountants use to keep track of every transaction that takes place within an organization (mostly to keep organized). Again, if you don't know, it is made up of "debits" and "credits" (this has nothing to do with "positives" and "negatives", it is simply a means of balancing both sides of an accounting equation).

Now that you know the background of that concept, here is part of a ledger that I once had to audit at a small medical institution (the transaction entries were made by accounting clerks):
Code: 
[B][U]Date[/U][/B]         [B][U]Description[/U][/B]                                        [B][U]Dr[/U][/B]        [B][U]Cr[/U][/B]
Mar 4        Travel - CEO, Houston trip                         3,000
Mar 6        Bank - Monthly Service Fee                         5.00
Mar 6        February Accured Interest                                    67.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 1                                667.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 2                                833.50
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 3                                667.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 4                                592.20
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment Reversal - Employee 1              667.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment Reversal - Employee 2              833.50
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment Reversal - Employee 3              667.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment Reversal - Employee 4              592.20
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 1                                734.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 2                                916.85
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 3                                734.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 4                                651.42
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment - Employee 1                       67.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment - Employee 2                       83.35
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment - Employee 3                       67.00
Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment - Employee 4                       59.22
Can someone tell me what's wrong with this picture? :rolleyes: How much are they supposed to get paid again? I'm confused...
Click to expand...

Looks to me that the raise for empl 1/2/3/4 where given one day too early.
Probably march 11 will show :
Payroll - Employee 1 734.00
Payroll - Employee 2 916.85
Payroll - Employee 3 734.00
Payroll - Employee 4 651.42

without any adjustments that same day :rolleyes:
 
Ron_dK said:
Looks to me that the raise for empl 1/2/3/4 where given one day too early.
Probably march 11 will show :
Payroll - Employee 1 734.00
Payroll - Employee 2 916.85
Payroll - Employee 3 734.00
Payroll - Employee 4 651.42
Click to expand...
It has nothing to do with a raise. ;) Try again. Just out of peer cynicism, here are some hints:
Code: 
[B][U]Date[/U][/B]         [B][U]Description[/U][/B]                                        [B][U]Dr[/U][/B]        [B][U]Cr[/U][/B]
Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 1                                667.00
[COLOR="Red"]"We need to issue the payroll checks"[/COLOR]

Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment Reversal - Employee 1              667.00
[COLOR="Red"][I]"Oops, they weren't supposed to get paid that much"[/I] ($667.00)[/COLOR]

Mar 10      Payroll - Employee 1                                734.00
[COLOR="Red"][I]"OK, this is the right amount of their check"[/I][/COLOR]

Mar 10      Payroll - Error Adjustment - Employee 1                       67.00
[COLOR="Red"][I]"Oops, we are overpaying them.  We need to adjust the balance to the 
correct amount"[/i] (adjusted down to a $667.00 balance)[/COLOR]
 
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I had a similar situation at my place of work.
Due to an honest error in the payroll dept. I was underpaid once. I went up to payroll and we cleared it up. The following pay, I received an extra amount on my cheque equal to what I had been short. A few days later, via internal mail I got a special cheque. It was also equal to the amount I had been short. I phoned the person I had dealt with in payroll and got on their voicemail "the voice mail is full".
I called this person every day for a week and all I got was "the voice mail is full".
I figured the hell with it. I cashed the cheque and put the money into a 30 day GIC.
Every 30 days I phoned. Every 30 days I got "the voice mail is full" so I would roll it over for another 30 days.
This happened in January. In December, rather than go through it for another year and to avoid a tax mess I visited the head of payroll, wrote him a cheque for excess amount and invited him to phone the person with the voice mail. Sure enough she got "the voice mail is full".
Seems this person has been doing this for years. This way she didn't have to deal with anything over the phone. Every once in a while a supervisor would catch on and force her to clear her voice mail. When she went home that night she would fill it up again.
 
I stopped by a local restaurant and had a cup of orange juice while working on my computer classes for my masters degree. When leaving, I had noticed that I had no cash in my wallet...


Me: I don't have any cash with me. Here's a VISA.
Cashier: The credit card machine is not working.

Me: Well, I don't have any cash on me. I'm sure you know my father...?? He comes in all the time.
Cashier: No, I don't think I do.

Me: Could I maybe leave a tab here, and pay the $1.20 next time?
Cashier: You want me to do "what"?

Me: I said, CAN I start a tab and pay for the juice next time since your credit card machine is not working?
Cashier: OK. So what do you want me to do?

Me: Give me the ticket.
Cashier: Here you go (hands me the ticket).

Me: Writes on the ticket - "Laura (only smart waitress that works there), the credit card machine is not working. Did not have cash, and there was no sign up about the machine. I left a tab. Will pay it next time I am in". Signed - ME.
Cashier: Would you like me to do anything else?

Me: No, that'll be all. Have a great evening!
Cashier: Thanks. You too!
 
This is a situation I recently ran into. The guy was amazed at how he acidentally pressed a detrimental button on his keyboard to make everything disappear!

Me: How can I help you?
Cust: I am on your website but I can't go anywhere

Me: Can you be more specific?
Cust: I can't move to any other website.

Me: Can you push the "home" or "back/forward" buttons?
Cust: They are not there!

Me: Hmmmmm. See anything else on the screen?
Cust: NO.

Me: What exactly DO you see on the screen?
Cust: Just the website. There are no menus or anything at the top, just more of the website.

Me: Hmmmmm. (*looks under the VIEW menu in IE7 on own machine out of curiosity*)
Cust: Any suggestions?

Me: Push F11
Cust: Wow! Thanks a lot! I appreciate it! **Klik**

Me: (.....)


I am still waiting for the person to call back and ask: "how do I view more of the webpage on my screen? I have too many toolbars blocking stuff".
 
Call_Me_Sam said:
Me: My wifi connection isn't working.
IT: that's because you need a network cable
Me: but the office is wifi enabled..that's why we moved here..
IT: No i'll have to order you a cable..all laptop need to be hardwired
Me: but i'll need to go to meeting rooms for presentations
IT: Ah, the wifi will work in the meeting rooms
Me: then why not in my part of the office itself, which is two steps from one of the meeting rooms..
IT: because the office isn't wifi enabled...
Me:..??? but we moved because the whole office would be enabled...
IT: it is enabled..but not for deskbound laptop users..???
Me: i'm not permanently desk bound that's why i have a laptop????!!

Can anyone see where this was going
Click to expand...
Sounds like it's going strait to India. LOL. That was a JOKE. Please read that way ALL. :p
 
ajetrumpet said:
I stopped by a local restaurant and had a cup of orange juice while working on my computer classes for my masters degree. When leaving, I had noticed that I had no cash in my wallet...


Me: I don't have any cash with me. Here's a VISA.
Cashier: The credit card machine is not working.

Me: Well, I don't have any cash on me. I'm sure you know my father...?? He comes in all the time.
Cashier: No, I don't think I do.

Me: Could I maybe leave a tab here, and pay the $1.20 next time?
Cashier: You want me to do "what"?

Me: I said, CAN I start a tab and pay for the juice next time since your credit card machine is not working?
Cashier: OK. So what do you want me to do?

Me: Give me the ticket.
Cashier: Here you go (hands me the ticket).

Me: Writes on the ticket - "Laura (only smart waitress that works there), the credit card machine is not working. Did not have cash, and there was no sign up about the machine. I left a tab. Will pay it next time I am in". Signed - ME.
Cashier: Would you like me to do anything else?

Me: No, that'll be all. Have a great evening!
Cashier: Thanks. You too!
Click to expand...

Was that supposed to be funn? Dunno, I just didn't get the punch line
 
Rabbie said:
I thought it was quite amusing.:)
Click to expand...
It would also be nice to find a place that doesn't know you from Adam but will start a tab based on the fact that you can name a waitress.
 
A friend of mine in a IT department got this call:

OldMan: I just have to call you to tell that it was me who did it.
IT: ?? What have you done???
OldMan: It was an accident... but I'v deleted the whole Internet.. and
now i'm sure there is a whole lot of people who is angry at me.

Apparently the person which installed his PC thought it would be easier for the Oldman to find internet if he renamed
the shortcut to Explorer to "Internet"... and you guessed it the oldman accedently pressed deletebutton and in a panic he clicked on YES on this prompt " Do you wish to delete Internet" :eek:

JR
 
JANR said:
A friend of mine in a IT department got this call:

OldMan: I just have to call you to tell that it was me who did it.
IT: ?? What have you done???
OldMan: It was an accident... but I'v deleted the whole Internet.. and
now i'm sure there is a whole lot of people who is angry at me.

Apparently the person which installed his PC thought it would be easier for the Oldman to find internet if he renamed
the shortcut to Explorer to "Internet"... and you guessed it the oldman accedently pressed deletebutton and in a panic he clicked on YES on this prompt " Do you wish to delete Internet" :eek:

JR
Click to expand...
LOL! that's the best one I heard in a while.
 
This is one from a previous IT person. There was this database that was built horrible (double and triple links between tables, no referential integrity, nothing really 'worked' but had the illusion it did). Trying to explain to people that it doesn't work, and never worked, and that I would have to redesign it from scratch or refuse to do any work on it, I kept getting the reply "it always does what we want it to do, so it must have been built correctly!".

What the original creator of this access database did was, because he lacked to knowledge to make it work, he decided to input empty data for each possibility in the database. For example, he made each "site" have empty data for every fiscal year from 2001/2002 until 2019/2020. There were 8000 blank records, and to the user it looked like they were entering new data, when in reality they were "finding" an empty existing record, and changing the info. I could have killed this guy.

On a funnier note when I was doing helpdesk support before being moved completely to database development, I got a call about a users speakers not working. I ran through all the normal questions, "turned on?", "plugged in?", "volume up", "control panel settings?" etc. And I decided to walk down the hall to the user. I immediately seen the power was off, so I walked into the cubical, pressed the power button, said "fixed" and walked out. The user shouted as I was leaving "you better not tell anyone about this!". I thought it was humerous :)

A final one was with my grandmother, and I try to give answers that the user can understandstand:

Grandmother: Great! Thanks for installing and setting up that anti-virus, now... will it still scan in the middle of the night if the computer is turned off?
*5 Second Pause*
Me: If a lamp isn't plugged in, does it still turn on?

From a family member, slight swearing happened, but they got the idea :)
 
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