Need Joke (1 Viewer)

[Dick7Access]

I have two meetings coming up where I have used all my good Jokes. Went through many of "worst joke" thread "worst joke" good title. Help me out. Keep it clean.

 

[Steve R.]

A basic question, who is your audience? You would want jokes that the audience would appreciate.

 

[Dick7Access]

A basic question, who is your audience? You would want jokes that the audience would appreciate.

A church in Jacksonville, FL and one in Lewisburg, WV

 

[Steve R.]

A church in Jacksonville, FL and one in Lewisburg, WV

That points to religious humor, maybe lifestyle eccentricities. If you have Amazon Prime, watch some episodes of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. She is a fictional stand-up comic with a lot of humorous Jewish jokes which may provide some insight.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

You HAD to say "keep it clean"...

 

[Dick7Access]

Well of course, Doc, I mean after all I don't want to name, names

 

[Dick7Access]

That points to religious humor, maybe lifestyle eccentricities. If you have Amazon Prime, watch some episodes of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. She is a fictional stand-up comic with a lot of humorous Jewish jokes which may provide some insight.

Thanks, I'll give it a try

 

[The_Doc_Man]

OK, here's an "oldie but goodie" for you that is relatively clean.

A Catholic priest, an Episcopal minister, and an Orthodox Jewish rabbi are in town for an ecumenical gathering. They are tourists and get lost, so they go into a bar to get directions. While there, a really seriously drunk guy walks in, pulls out a gun, and starts blazing away. He's drunk enough to not hit anyone, but the clergymen are scared and decide to leave.

The priest makes the sign of the cross over himself and runs for the door. As he looks back, he sees the minister ALSO cross himself and head for the same door. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the rabbi cross himself and run.

When they get to safety, the priest says to the minister, "I saw you cross yourself. I'm glad to know your religion is like ours in that respect." The minister says, "I agree. The sign of the cross is our best quick blessing." Then the priest looks at the rabbi. He says, "I was surprised to see you cross yourself. I didn't think that was part of your faith. Would you care to explain that?" The rabbi said, "It was simple, really. I didn't have time to make the sign for the Star of David."

 

[moke123]

Keep it clean.

You sure that's necessary? Growing up we literally had a school bus of Nuns, from the convent my Aunts used to belong to, show up at all our family functions. After a couple wines they'd tell some pretty dirty jokes.

 

[AngelSpeaks]

My name is Buzz Aldrin, I was the second man on the moon, Neil before me

 

[jdraw]

A man is talking to God. "God, how long is a million years?" God answers, "To me, it's about a minute." "God, how much is a million dollars?" "To me, it's a penny." "God, may I have a penny?" "Wait a minute."

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

 

[Dick7Access]

A man is talking to God. "God, how long is a million years?" God answers, "To me, it's about a minute." "God, how much is a million dollars?" "To me, it's a penny." "God, may I have a penny?" "Wait a minute."

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Excellent, I can use it in conjugation with: My wife is very helpful. Before I married her, I would wait at traffic lights not knowing it had turned green

 

[Cronk]

Embelish this. Floods, minister is on the roof, dinghy comes by and offers to take the minister who says "God will save me" and turns down the offer, similarly with an emergency services boat, then a chopper. All the time water is rising and when the inevitable happens, the minister asks God why he didn't save him. Response: I sent 2 boats and a chopper, what more did you want.

 

[Cronk]

Pope visits US. Has a limo allocated with a black female driver. Pope wants to go on a road trip, and decides he wants to drive, they swap places. Highway patrol pulls over the limo for going too fast. Looks at the driver, then the passenger. Immediately contacts station sergeant saying he has a problem that he's pulled over a heavy and what to do. Sergeant says is it the Police Commissioner? No. Is it the Mayor? No. Is it the Governor? No. Well dammit who is it? The Pope is driving the limo and the passenger in the back, she's black and a female.

 

[Steve R.]

Though this thread is old now; the sermon today reminded me of this thread of how to add humor to a "boring" topic. The topic was baptism, as this is the anniversary of Jesus being baptized by John the Baptist. The pastor related, in a very humorous manner, a personal fishing trip that was challenging due to weather where he was drenched by waves as an allegory to baptism

 

[Pat Hartman]

I just found this one

Joke from the Rabbi!!! ❤️📸 #joke #lol #jewish #SundayFunday #FamilyTime

www.youtube.com

 

[Isaac]

Excellent, I can use it in conjugation with: My wife is very helpful. Before I married her, I would wait at traffic lights not knowing it had turned green

This reminds me of my wife, who if I'm being honest, is a terrible back-seat driver (i.e. gives advice to the driver too much).

Her driving in my opinion is a bit sketchy, but I sit there quietly and patiently while she cuts early & far into the left lane while making a turn, thus ending up on the wrong side of the road when a car is coming. But God forbid I stay in the left lane as I pass the "exit in 2 miles" point, she'll make sure I know I only have 2 miles to go and I'd better start changing lanes now!