ColinEssex
Old registered user
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- Feb 22, 2002
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I have an image of Colin, developed over many years of distant observation on this site:-
Imagine your family has a visit over Christmas from a typical great uncle. He commandeers the best chair in the living room, between the Christmas tree and the fire. He sits there farting and burping without a care for niceties. He hasn't had a shower for two weeks and it shows, his beard and hair unkempt, un-brushed and you're afraid to look to see if there are any creatures wandering around in it. He might well ask you if he can borrow a bug rake, he's not joking. You lend him your comb, and you throw it on the fire when he gives it back to you.
At every opportunity he makes disparaging remarks, the mince pies are too sweet, the cups are too small, he prefers a mug. the Tea is too weak, or too strong, it doesn't really matter whichever way you make it, it will be wrong! When he is finished drinking his tea from the saucer, and finished off ALL the rich tea biscuits, brushed the crumbs on to the hearth, then, he makes a great show of clearing his nose and throat of phlegm and spits it in to the cup. It's Christmas so you can't really say anything, and the kids love him!
That's really clever. Actually, my father used to drink his tea from a saucer, he also used to moan about anybody who appeared on TV. I also had an uncle who had a "wind" problem, and to a young nephew it was hilarious.
Here's a tip, never have Rich Tea biscuits with tea, they are useless if you dunk biscuits in tea, they break after a second or two and you have a soggy mess at the bottom of the cup. My preference is Custard Creams, easily dunkable. Bourbon are also good as are Hobnobs.
Col