The Discipline of Children (1 Viewer)

[jsanders]

What do you think is the correct amount and style of discipline?

And what other qualities and practices are important in the raising of children?

By the looks of things today, I think a lot of people, are opting for less, but that’s just me.

 

[jsanders]

Is this subject too politically incorrect to discuss?

 

[Rich]

Is this subject too politically incorrect to discuss?

No, it's Sunday

 

[statsman]

Speaking as one with no children, I will share with you how I was disciplined as a child. My parents weren't big believers in corporal punishment but we were given a firm set of guidelines we had to follow. They were relaxed as we got older.
In addition to the guidelines, we were also informed of the penalties for transgressions. There were only a few spanking offenses. The one that stands out most in my mind was for playing near a creek on our property during the spring runoff. Most times there was maybe 6 inches of water in the creek but during the spring it turned into a raging torrent. I was caught there and the punishment was delivered as promised (I still get a sore behind every time I see white water).

 

[RV]

And what other qualities and practices are important in the raising of children?

Simply be there for your children.
Don't leave it up to the teachers, nursing homes, nannies and grannies to raise your children.
Got a double income, both running on 24/7 jobs?
Cut down to 20/20 weekly hours, it's 'bout your kids future, not 'bout feeeding your bank account

RV

 

[jsanders]

Thank guys keep them coming.

 

[Friday]

Having raised 4 children, I can say this: Children grow up to be people with their own personalities, all you can hope for is to give them a set of values that they can rely on. These values have to be practiced in front of the children, not just preached about. Kids pick up on hypocrisy pretty fast.

 

[BarryMK]

Having raised 4 children, I can say this: Children grow up to be people with their own personalities, all you can hope for is to give them a set of values that they can rely on. These values have to be practiced in front of the children, not just preached about. Kids pick up on hypocrisy pretty fast.

I agree wholeheartedly. Although I think with some kids nature overrides nurture and with others it's vice versa. Some you can steer/lead by example and others will follow their own will regardless of parental influences.

Mr & Mrs Hitler may well have been really good people who did their best to instil a social conscience and regard for others in little Adolf, who knows?

I've been involved in raising two great kids, one my own son and the other my second wife's daughter, all I know is that imperfect a parent as I have been, I was greatly helped by the fact that they were by nature both honest, kind and loving kids. That was a very lucky break, it could have been so different, I've seen so many children of decent parents who have gone off the rails despite their parents love and best efforts. Life's a lottery.

 

[Rich]

Mr & Mrs Hitler may well have been really good people who did their best to instil a social conscience and regard for others in little Adolf, who knows?
.

Hitler was also a deeply religious child and for a while considered the possibility of becoming a monk.

I wonder what went wrong?

 

[selenau837]

Single mom here raising two children.

I have no problem spanking my child on her bottom. That is why God made them smushy. I do not believe in beating a child. They do not learn the lesson you are trying to instill. They only learn fear.

A pop on the bottom is enough for my children to know mommie means business. That rarely happens becuause they don't push me to that point often. That is the final straw if they get a swat on the bottom.

I tend to put my 3 yr old in the corner for 3 min. (1 min for each year they are old)

My 8 year old, I make her go to bed early or take precious toys away from her.

To me discipline has become to lax, that is why there are so many parents afraid of their own children, and therefore they let run as they please.

Children in the states know that they can call DSS if a parent spanks then. That is why discipline has become so lax. We are afraid to punish our children for fear of the state government taking our children from us. The truly abused kids rarely call DSS. They are too afraid too, and therefore continue to suffer through the abuse. Therefore, they go after the parents who are properly disciplining their children. The kids get angry, lie on the parents and have their parent’s lives torn apart due to the child’s lies.

The first time my child threatens to calls DSS on me for swatting her bottom, I will dial the number for her, hand her the phone and let her talk to them. They will see she is in no way abused. If she lies and is put in foster home, she will then see how a REAL child is with REAL abuse.


Ultimately we are the ones who shape our children, and we need to stop being so afraid of them. Do you see children born in the 70's and under beating up their parents, running away, having kids at 12 and 12yrs old and doing half the crap the kids are doing now? No!! And why is that. Because we were made to behave!! Whether one parent worked or both, we were taught to behave and we knew the consenquence if we didn't.

This is a sore subject for me and I climb off my soapbox now, because I have seen it happen here in South Carolina. The kids are our future and to be blunt, I am somewhat scared of what the future holds if we do not put a stop to this now.


Other qualties in raising children is pretty much. Do as you want your child to do. If you are out drinking (not casual, but bing drinking), smoking, doing drugs etc. How can you expect them to NOT do the same thing. They do as they are taught, and your lifestyle is a learning experience for them.

Love, love, love and more love. Show your child you love them no matter what they have done. Let them know they can come to you with anything. Yes, there could be a consequence for their actions, but at least they knew it was ok to come to you with it. Instead of finding out later and the consequence be more serious.
If I can't say it enough. Love, Love, your time, your trust, and love. All key parts to help raise your child.

 

[FoFa]

Punishment is a means to modify behavor, sort of. Some don't use enough, some to much. It is something to make them think about they are doing, and to learn right from wrong in the society they grow up in. Just last week my teenage (barely 13) daughter was in class, taking an exame. She is a straight A student, but the girl next to her stole the quiz key with the answers. Pulls it out and shows it off. The girl on the other side of her wants to see it, and them my daughter also wanted to see it. She said she knew it was wrong, but did anyway (I would guess curiosity killed the cat kind of thing [Does that belong in the slang section?]) Now most of us over 17 should know that pulling that out IN class, you are going to get caught. They did. Had to see the principal, etc. The girl that stole the key was in a lot more doo doo than the other two. Now of course I get home and eveyone is on pins and needles (dang another slang) because "I am the over punishner" while wife is the "under punisher". But my daughter worked herself into such a tizzy (dang another slang) over this, all stressed out, the teacher doesn't trust me, etc. I felt no need to add to it. Leason learned. I just told her life is full of decisions, you make some right, you make some wrong. Do you learn from the wrong ones? You will be given these same choices many times, Drugs, Smoking, Sex, etc. You can see how the wrong choice can make a difference, especially since you knew it was wrong to start with. Any way a cheap but good life lesson hopefull learned. So why punish further?

 

[selenau837]

Please disregard my writting sytle. I know it sucks! I tried really hard to get out the mistakes.

I think I will leave that to the teachers for my girls. Hopefully I can relearn as my child does in school. Until then, thank goodness for word!

 

[lmnop7854]

I'm only in the beginning stages of parenting, but one of the greatest things I saw my girlfriend do early on as a parent was to make her children realize that there are consequences for their actions. She would go to great lengths to make sure they understood the consequences of the many choices they had to make, and she was consistent in following up with those consequences, and didn't back down. Even small things, like explaining that if they didn't finish their dinner, they couldn't have dessert. She would make them say that they understood, and when they started to whine, she reminded them of their decision. To this day, when her son tries to get away with anything, she calls him on it, and the whining stops.

I think it is incredibly important that children realize the consequences of their actions, and realize that they are accountable for them. I know many adults who "work the system", whatever system it happens to be, so that they don't have to do just that.

Lisa

 

[Len Boorman]

I started to read this thread thinking that a bunch of "do gooders" would be preaching the no physical contact but what do I find. A whole bunch of people that clearly feel that the education of children in terms of behavoir is not only their responsibility but it is taken very seriously.

What a welcome relief. I have two "children" now 29 and 27. Yes they got a smack on the bum when deserved, the stand in the corner is so effective even for just 2 or 3 minutes. The favourite toy withdrawn for period is also very good.

It must be expected that children will push the line but when they step over then the correction must be immediate and appropriate.

There are spome cases when unfortunately a physical response is the only appropriate course of action. Many years ago my sister bit me so hard that she almost drew blood. Mother's response was to bite my sister as she said that only biting back would sho my sister how painful it was.

That was a great many years ago but talk to my sister and she would tell you that she never ever bit anybody again. One punishment and the effect was life long.

It is also so important to be totally consistant.

If you say "If you do that then this will happen" then you must be absolutely resolute and carry out what you have said.

My children never had any doubt of me keeping my word. If I said something would happen then it did. without fail. If I said something would not happen then it did not again without fail.

As I said they are now 29 and 27 and we have a really good relationship.

I belive that a major problem with our society is that discipline is not enforced. Adults are basically big kids and need to be treated in exactly the same way. More adults taking responsibility for the upbringing of their children can only improve society.

If your child gets detention at school find out why and do not castigate the school first. Maybe you have slipped up and need to re inforce the school's action.

Think that unfortunately the people who really need to be told will not be visiting this forum.

Len

 

[selenau837]

Yes, the public view of punishment has changed a great deal. 'Time out' is all you hear about, and *gasp* swatting your child on the bottom is unthinkable.

I was in a store one day, and my child needed a swat. I swatted her on her bottom, and I heard audiable gasp from a young woman. I looked at her like 'you want some too'. I dared her to say anything.

That drive me nuts when you seen kids screaming in public, having HUGE tantrums, and all the parent does is 'Jonnie, you want time out'. That only makes the child scream louder, and the parents do not place them in time out. If i say time out in a store, I mean it. THey have corners in a store. I will use it if I say time out and they continue to act in that matter. The embaressment from that alone can cause that behavior not to occure any more.

I do also use positve reinforcement as well. If we go in a store and my children are well behaved. They get heavily praised and occasionally, get a treat. I prefer praise, because I am not going to buy my childrens behavior. They get praised. That works well too, especially for my 8 year old. To hear mommie say. Wonderful job Morgan, I am so proud of you.


A healthy combination of both correction and praise goes a long way.

 

[TessB]

I think I just got lucky with my kids.

Over Thanksgiving holiday, we watched old family movies. I was so impressed with the behaviour of my kids. I watched as, in reel after reel, other children tried to unwrap the birthday childrens' gifts, or blow out the candles on their cakes, or cheat at pin the tail on the donkey. My own children, however exhibited the best manners! They were so patient and kind. I was in awe, and later, I told them how proud they had made me.

Yes, I spanked. Sometimes it broke my heart. Other times it was out of severe frustration and anger. I can't say I was as consistent and firm as I needed to be. I let some things slide when I was too tired to fight with them. And lashed out immediately at other times when I had just been too fed up to hear another argument or complaint.

I think I coddled them sometimes, gave in too easily, and tried to protect them too much. I certainly wasn't, and still am not, a perfect parent, but I think they try hard not to disappoint me. I think they know right from wrong and they are really good people, but they aren't perfect either. I wish I could have done a better job at instilling some lessons... given them a little more discipline and responsibility, in order to prepare them for their next phase in life. I did a lot, but not all I could possibly do. The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak.

I'm so proud of them, and yet I still worry about them. And I worry about how long my good luck with them will last.

 

[FoFa]

You know, one thing I never did was spank in anger. They might have still gotten spanked, but I would wait until after the anger passed. Usually by then I could give a mild spanking that had way more meaning to them because that had time to "think" about it also. And one or two of the hardest spankings I had to give were when they needed one, but it was everything I could do from laughing and trying to put on a stern face at the same time. You know one of those things they did they KNEW was wrong, but still funny at the same time.

 

[Kraj]

I wonder what went wrong?

He couldn't come to terms with homosexuality?

 

[Rich]

He couldn't come to terms with homosexuality?

His own?

 

[Kraj]

Whoops! Yup, there was supopsed to be a "his" in there.