R
Rich
Guest
Yes I do, now see if you can imagine what I'm imagining now.nobody nowhere said:
What's your best/worst joke? (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter Fornatian
- Start date
N
nobody nowhere
Guest
sucking football socks???
and how am i supposed to know what goes on in your freeky little mind
and how am i supposed to know what goes on in your freeky little mind
Jacob Mathai
Registered User.
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- Joined
- Sep 6, 2001
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- 546
Q: Who is the creator of Caesar salad?
A: Brutus (he chopped Caesar into a salad)
A: Brutus (he chopped Caesar into a salad)
N
nobody nowhere
Guest
who what why where???
R
Rich
Guest
only in the realms of your fantasy world, Lushy.nobody nowhere said:
N
nobody nowhere
Guest
but i see you there, your the one in heels and a pink dress
R
Rich
Guest
Dream on Lushy, you'll have to go down to the corner of your street to satisfy your fantasy.nobody nowhere said:
N
nobody nowhere
Guest
i own a street???
REELY!!!
REELY!!!
One for our American friends:
While walking down the street one day, George Bush is shot and killed by a
disgruntled NRA member. His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.
Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter."Before you settle in, it seems there is
a problem: We seldom know what to do with a Republican in these parts, and
this goes double for you."
"No problem - just let me in. I'm a believer," says Gee Dubya.
"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself: He
says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven, then you can
choose where you'll live for eternity."
"But, I've already made up my mind; I want to be in Heaven."
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that Peter escorts George to an
elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors open
and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course, the sun is shining
in a cloudless sky, and the temperature is a perfect 72 degrees. In the
distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it is his dad, and
thousands of other Republicans who had helped him out over the years... Karl
Rove, Dick Cheney, Jerry Falwell.... the whole of the "Right" was there...
everyone laughing... happy...
casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, hug him, and
reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at expense of the
"suckers and peasants". They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on
lobster and caviar.
The Devil himself comes up to Bush with a frosty drink, "Have a Margarita
and relax, George!"
"Uh no, I can't drink no more, I took the pledge," says Junior dejectedly.
"This is Hell, son: you can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and it
just gets better from there!"
Dubya takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a
really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes and pulls hilarious nasty
pranks, kind of like a Yale Skull and Bones brother with real horns.
They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's time to
go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Georgie steps on the elevator
and heads upward.
When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is
waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening
the gate.
So for 24 hours George Bush is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,
good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other
than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat-boy
joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great,
it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor, he doesn't see
anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special.
Worst of all, to Dubya, Jesus turns out to be some kind of Jewish hippie
with his endless "peace" and "do unto others" jive.
"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself, "Pat Robertson never prepared me
for this!"
The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, then, you've spent a day in
Hell and a day in Heaven. Now you must choose where you want to live for
eternity."
With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Dubya reflects
for a minute, then answers:"Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -
I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all, but I really think I belong in
Hell with my friends."
So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all
the way to Hell.
The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched
earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste...kind of like
Houston. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and
chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. They
are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.
The Devil come over to Dubya and puts an arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Dubya, "Yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we drank and ate caviar... I
drank booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a
wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"
The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were
campaigning; today you voted for us."
While walking down the street one day, George Bush is shot and killed by a
disgruntled NRA member. His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St.
Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter."Before you settle in, it seems there is
a problem: We seldom know what to do with a Republican in these parts, and
this goes double for you."
"No problem - just let me in. I'm a believer," says Gee Dubya.
"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself: He
says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven, then you can
choose where you'll live for eternity."
"But, I've already made up my mind; I want to be in Heaven."
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that Peter escorts George to an
elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors open
and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course, the sun is shining
in a cloudless sky, and the temperature is a perfect 72 degrees. In the
distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it is his dad, and
thousands of other Republicans who had helped him out over the years... Karl
Rove, Dick Cheney, Jerry Falwell.... the whole of the "Right" was there...
everyone laughing... happy...
casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, hug him, and
reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at expense of the
"suckers and peasants". They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on
lobster and caviar.
The Devil himself comes up to Bush with a frosty drink, "Have a Margarita
and relax, George!"
"Uh no, I can't drink no more, I took the pledge," says Junior dejectedly.
"This is Hell, son: you can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and it
just gets better from there!"
Dubya takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a
really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes and pulls hilarious nasty
pranks, kind of like a Yale Skull and Bones brother with real horns.
They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's time to
go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Georgie steps on the elevator
and heads upward.
When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is
waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening
the gate.
So for 24 hours George Bush is made to hang out with a bunch of honest,
good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other
than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat-boy
joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great,
it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor, he doesn't see
anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special.
Worst of all, to Dubya, Jesus turns out to be some kind of Jewish hippie
with his endless "peace" and "do unto others" jive.
"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself, "Pat Robertson never prepared me
for this!"
The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, then, you've spent a day in
Hell and a day in Heaven. Now you must choose where you want to live for
eternity."
With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Dubya reflects
for a minute, then answers:"Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -
I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all, but I really think I belong in
Hell with my friends."
So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all
the way to Hell.
The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched
earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste...kind of like
Houston. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and
chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. They
are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.
The Devil come over to Dubya and puts an arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Dubya, "Yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we drank and ate caviar... I
drank booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a
wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"
The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were
campaigning; today you voted for us."
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said, "They're bells" .
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally
pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what
do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "They're Carols".
gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said, "They're bells" .
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally
pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what
do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "They're Carols".
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells" .
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "They're Carols".
gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each
possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells" .
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "They're Carols".
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nobody nowhere
Guest
saintsman- how many long BORING jokes do you know???
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nobody nowhere
Guest
i would be 2 if certain people would STOP POSTING im talking to you richie!
R
Rich
Guest
What's an im, Lushy ?nobody nowhere said:
N
nobody nowhere
Guest
moi you... um .... poster
R
Rich
Guest
What's a moi, some sort of dead fish?nobody nowhere said:
N
nobody nowhere
Guest
Rich said:
What's a moi, some sort of dead fish?
me in french
