What's your best/worst joke? (1 Viewer)

[Cronk]

Some places ask for your name after ordering a coffee. I've been tempted occasionally to say 'Aloysius'. After a second or two when the dilemma of how to spell that, I say with my best Paul Simon voice, you can call me Al. They're always to young to get it though.

 

[Dick7Access]

I usually solve that problem by asking for hot chocolate or hot cocoa, whichever is in the menu, and one of those usually is listed.

Hot Chocolate, evenly you were mot in the Navy???

 

[The_Doc_Man]

I was a Navy contractor, never a uniformed sailor. Tried to enlist to the Navy Reserve but failed the physical. Stood still for the Army draft during the time they ran a lottery. I had a lottery number in the 250+ range, the Army stopped drafting at 183 that year.

 

[CJ_London]

 

[Isaac]

The pretentious coffee joke reminded me of this video !

Loudermilk Talk like that - vocal fry​

I hate it when you ask for a coffee and then they look at you --- and look at the menu --- as if to say "look dickhead choose something off the menu" as if they don't know what a coffee is, because it's not on the menu and if you stick to your guns and say you want a coffee they say oh do you mean an Americano? which I think means a black coffee? then I say yeah I want to black coffee with cream on the side just half a jug otherwise it gets wasted but they never managed to get half a jug! ----- and then you offered them some cash and they turn around and say "card only" --- your get me started now !!!

I hate how in Europe you hand them your $6.99 for a coffee and then get about a tablespoonful of it - it's so ridiculous. Europeans pride themselves on being the most annoying people in the world

 

[DickyP]

I hate how in Europe you hand them your $6.99 for a coffee and then get about a tablespoonful of it - it's so ridiculous. Europeans pride themselves on being the most annoying people in the world

At least that tablespoon is drinkable!

And please don't lump all Europeans together - Europe's a continent and not a country.

 

[NauticalGent]

Europe's a continent and not a country.

...much like America. I knew a young lady from Argentina who HATED how "Americans" defaulted to "USA".

At least that tablespoon is drinkable!

A sad and inconvenient truth.

 

[Dick7Access]

At least that tablespoon is drinkable!

And please don't lump all Europeans together - Europe's a continent and not a country.

Don't remember who said "When in Rome, do as the Roman's do. I found it worked well for me. Back in my drinking days while in UK they did not have my favorite drink. However, this sweet young thing, I was with, said let me order for you. She ordered (not sure I remember the actual name) was 60 some think years ago. Pim's #. 1, and Pim's #2. How close did I come my Limy friends? Now my Navy buddy didn't want to go with the flow. I think maybe, however is sweet young think wasn't as sweet as mine. (grin)

 

[Isaac]

At least that tablespoon is drinkable!

And please don't lump all Europeans together - Europe's a continent and not a country.

Ok, ok, you're right, I shouldn't lump them all together. Just the countries I went to - France, UK, Ireland, Scotland - the coffee portions were all the same. So far, so same. Not sure about Germany and Italy.

 

[DickyP]

Ok, ok, you're right, I shouldn't lump them all together. Just the countries I went to - France, UK, Ireland, Scotland - the coffee portions were all the same. So far, so same. Not sure about Germany and Italy.

Scotland is part of the UK! I would say, however, that my remarks about drinkable do NOT include UK - our coffee in cafes, restaurants etc is generally dreadful! Italian portions are small but generally excellent. American portions are so large that only the first 10% is ever hot.

Anyway I know I'm to blame for leading this digression from Best Joke, however amusing national oddities may be, and I apologise and will now shut up!

 

[The_Doc_Man]

In south Louisiana, some bistros & restaurants have failed because of (a) bad coffee and (b) skimpy servings. Here, if you ask for coffee and don't get a mug, it is not the driving force perhaps, but a bad feeling about the coffee is a contributing factor to reduced repeat business.

Stated another way, if the restaurant is so fancy-schmancy as to give you minuscule servings of coffee in dainty little cups the size of my goddaughter's little-girl tea set, it's too ritzy for my blood.

 

[DickyP]

In south Louisiana, some bistros & restaurants have failed because of (a) bad coffee and (b) skimpy servings. Here, if you ask for coffee and don't get a mug, it is not the driving force perhaps, but a bad feeling about the coffee is a contributing factor to reduced repeat business.

Stated another way, if the restaurant is so fancy-schmancy as to give you minuscule servings of coffee in dainty little cups the size of my goddaughter's little-girl tea set, it's too ritzy for my blood.

I did promise to shut up, but this reinforces my original point about quantity versus quality: how else do you explain the success of Starbucks (ugh).

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Once Starbucks learns about coffee with chicory, they have a shot of surviving this area's strenuous beliefs about food.

 

[Isaac]

I did promise to shut up, but this reinforces my original point about quantity versus quality: how else do you explain the success of Starbucks (ugh).

Starbucks coffee is one of the worst liquids I have ever tasted in my life. Is anyone familiar with the QuikTrip gas stations the South, Southwest, and Plains states? It is the best next to McDonald's.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

On the theory of nihil nisi bonum de mortibus, I will merely say that a relative from Alabama once made a pot of coffee in one of those Bunn-O-Matic 10-serving carafes and once she said it was ready, I picked it up to fill my cup. When I did, I could see through the center of a full quartz-clear carafe of freshly brewed coffee. OMG, dis-GUS-ting. Miso soup was darker than that stuff.

 

[Cotswold]

Some places ask for your name after ordering a coffee. I've been tempted occasionally to say 'Aloysius'. After a second or two when the dilemma of how to spell that, I say with my best Paul Simon voice, you can call me Al. They're always to young to get it though.

If I'm asked for my email I have two options.

The first is that I'm far too old for those new fangled computer email things

The second is the name of the shop @gmail.com

 

[CJ_London]

 

[Cotswold]

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off”.

 

[Mark_]

Watched the true struggles of one with a disability. Seems there was this blind man who walked into a bar.
Then into a table.
Then into a chair.

If I'd stopped laughing, I'd have handed him back the cane he dropped....

 

[The_Doc_Man]

In Louisiana, they still only need a marriage license. But then, we are NOT an Alcoholic Beverage Control state. Getting liquor doesn't require a license.