What's your best/worst joke? (1 Viewer)

[AccessBlaster]

or just don't care.

That's been my experience

 

[Cotswold]

The people who can talk cat and claim to understand them, believe the cats mistake the courgette for a snake. Maybe even if they've never seen a snake. After seeing this I'd need to test this if I ever go to a house with cats. Couldn't help myself

 

[Vassago]

The people who can talk cat and claim to understand them, believe the cats mistake the courgette for a snake. Maybe even if they've never seen a snake. After seeing this I'd need to test this if I ever go to a house with cats. Couldn't help myself

It's not even about the object. If anything changes in a cats immediate environment and they don't see it or hear it, it's still spook them when they notice it. It's instinct. It's also a bit stressful to do this to them intentionally. It's not healthy for them.

 

[Cotswold]

..... It's also a bit stressful to do this to them intentionally. It's not healthy for them.

Not sure about that.
Cats don't seem stressed when they tear a bird to pieces, then amble off totally unconcerned, leaving the ground carpeted in feathers.
The lion that mauled a teenager to death in Brazil this week didn't look stressed. Every animal is stressed at one time or another. Stress is a part of life. When I was young stress hadn't been invented so we just coped with it.

Cats are a creature that people buy as some sort of live emotionless toy to feed that never bonds with them and is quite capable of coping with a little stressing. At least doing this to these cats has an amusing result, which is more than the birds feel when pointlessly killed. Think of it not as stress but more a punishment for the deaths the cat dishes out to anything smaller than itself on a daily basis.

 

[Isaac]

When I was young stress hadn't been invented so we just coped with it

Amen to that. A big part of the mental health "crisis" is simply that we are calling everything a crisis

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Well, gosh... everyone else seems to be having fun playing the role of victim so I guess I'll have to join that bandwagon and have a crisis.

 

[Cotswold]

Quite the opposite actually.
Speaking for myself, I'm a paid up member of the pull yourself together and get on with it brigade. However, moving swiftly on and posting to revert this back to the thread's header title:..............

People who say bath bombs are relaxing should try walking home with one in the rain.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

People who say bath bombs are relaxing should try walking home with one in the rain.

All that would do is give my wife a chance to make comments about whether I'm smart enough to not go out walking in the rain. Not at all in favor of that option.

 

[CJ_London]

how the fairy came to be on top of the Christmas tree.

It was a very bad day in Fairyland. Father Christmas's haemorrhoids were itching like crazy; Mother Christmas was having hot flushes. The little elves were threatening to go on strike for better working conditions, and the reindeer had been coughing in their stables all night. It had rained continuously for the past 36 hours, and the parcel-wrapping machine had broken down.

And a sweet little fairy, in a pretty sticky-out white dress, went past carrying a Christmas tree. 'What do you want me to do with this, Santa?' she asked ....

 

[AccessBlaster]

 

[The_Doc_Man]

The other day I heard a Greek tailor and a customer discussing torn pants. (Or was it classic Greek authors...?)

The tailor looked at the pants and asked, "Euripides?"

The customer nodded and said, "Eumenides?"

 

[Mark_]

Cats are a creature that people buy as some sort of live emotionless toy to feed that never bonds with them and is quite capable of coping with a little stressing.

Buying a cat is pointless. The Cat Distribution System exists because CATS are the ones who decide with whom they wish to live. Paying money is a total waste. Also explains a lack of bonding.

 

[CJ_London]

Seen on a card

If cats could text…..
>
>
>
They wouldn’t

 

[Mark_]

I've found a way to sell cat lovers a lovely cardboard box for their cats to play in and make a lot of money.
I put a useless object called a "Scratching post" inside that gets tossed after purchase!

 

[Isaac]

I've always wanted to get a cat and once my dog dies especially I'd like to, but the wife resists getting a cat.
We had one when I was growing up, and I was always impressed with just how trouble-free it was - there are very few duties to be undertaken to take care of a housecat. But they can have strange temperaments indeed

 

[RonPaii]

Murphy's Computer Law
1) Murphy would never have one.
2) Murphy would have loved them.

See the poster.

 

[Mark_]

What are the three things people love about computers?
1) They do exactly what you tell them to
2) Never try to second guess you
3) They come with lots of documentation

What are the three things people HATE about computers?
1) They do EXACTLY what you tell them to
2) NEVER try to second guess you
3) They come with LOTS of documentation

 

[RonPaii]

Dove's Theorem: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

Brooks Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Canada Bill's Moto: It's morally wrong to allow naive end users to keep their money.

 

[DickyP]

What are the three things people love about computers?
1) They do exactly what you tell them to
2) Never try to second guess you
3) They come with lots of documentation

What are the three things people HATE about computers?
1) They do EXACTLY what you tell them to
2) NEVER try to second guess you
3) They come with LOTS of documentation

Unfortunately the third love/hate is no longer true.