What's your best/worst joke? (4 Viewers)

[The_Doc_Man]

Putter around?

 

[Isaac]

"What do gardeners and golfers do when they retire?"

They join AA. I've known several people who "realized" one day that the only reason they golfed was to drink, as there wasn't really much to golfing in the first place (something the rest of us already knew hahaha).

I hope to maximize a legal combination of work plus social security income, whatever is legal, as much as I can, and don't intend to stop working until I'm pretty old. Unless, and only unless, I can find really productive volunteer opportunities - in that case I'd like to be a full time volunteer for some program that helps people who are incarcerated and people who have recently become unincarcerated for reentry purposes.

Think about it - you're an ex con being released on probation. You aren't allowed to have ANY CONTACT with ALL THE PEOPLE you knew before - zero. You aren't allowed to drink or drug. And yet > You get dropped off in the middle of the night in the worst imaginable part of town, with no money, no charged phone, no ride, no home. And we scratch our head wondering about recidivism, they must just be awful people. No, our system funnels people into recidivism because of the incredibly obvious stuff I just mentioned, among others.

 

[Cotswold]

After a funeral many nice things are often said about the deceased. It is sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days."

 

[moke123]

I hope to maximize a legal combination of work plus social security income, whatever is legal, as much as I can, and don't intend to stop working until I'm pretty old.

I have my 1st Social Security check coming in 3 days. I've reached full retirement age so I can collect SS and continue to work with no penalty. I was planning on packing it in April 1 but it took a long time for my P.I. license to get issued so i put it off. Probably going to wait a few more months before putting in for my state pension. My plan is to continue working on my own after retirement although I'm going to be picky about what work I'll accept. Retirement is a pretty scary decision considering I've been working since I was 12.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

@moke123 - I remember approaching "retirement day" with some nervous anticipation. It helped that I had visited the local SS office earlier to learn what my options were, because when that day came to "turn on the tap" I had done the math. Doing so, I realized that between my converted 401k-to-annuity and the social security payments (boosted by having worked 2 1/2 years beyond "nominal" retirement), plus the lower deduction rates for Medicare and the supplemental plan, my "take-home" was within a few dollars of being the same as when I was still working. I haven't looked back since then.

I don't miss the job from which I retired in 2016, but I sometimes miss the people, because shortly after I retired, the Navy (in their infinite wisdom, <choke><cough>), stirred up the pot again and restructured a few things. Didn't help that the Space Force put in a protest to the Navy because we had Space and Naval Warfare Systems Command (SPAWAR) and the Space Force said "NO!!!" In response, SPAWAR became Naval Information Warfare Systems Command (NAVWAR) or something like that. So things got shifted around and a lot of those friends went elsewhere.

 

[moke123]

I realized that between my converted 401k-to-annuity and the social security payments (boosted by having worked 2 1/2 years beyond "nominal" retirement), plus the lower deduction rates for Medicare and the supplemental plan, my "take-home" was within a few dollars of being the same as when I was still working.

Back in the 1980's I worked for a company with a pension plan and shortly after I vested (5 years) they switched over to 401K's. We had the option of transferring our pension contributions over or leaving them in the pension plan. I left them in the plan, left the company, and forgot about it totally. Almost 40 years later I was notified my contributions had been placed in an annuity which started paying me a few years ago. It was found money with a lifetime payment!

 

[Isaac]

I have my 1st Social Security check coming in 3 days. I've reached full retirement age so I can collect SS and continue to work with no penalty. I was planning on packing it in April 1 but it took a long time for my P.I. license to get issued so i put it off. Probably going to wait a few more months before putting in for my state pension. My plan is to continue working on my own after retirement although I'm going to be picky about what work I'll accept. Retirement is a pretty scary decision considering I've been working since I was 12.

Best of luck, sounds like you will be staying busy! I'm hoping to do something very similar, if my arms and wrists will cooperate. So far I have a mild case of tennis elbow that just won't go away, no matter how careful I am with my wrist/hand situation. It's pretty good today, but I never know. It would be great to put in ~2-4 years of full SS + income when I am older!

 

[Cotswold]

In an attempt to pull this back from being just more general chit-chat, I am adding another joke. So here it is:

Two cannibals were sat eating a clown and one turns to the other, and says "Hey, does this taste funny to you?"

 

[AccessBlaster]

Yesterday, I ate a clock. It was very time consuming.

 

[Mark_]

What do you call a blonde who is still in the closet?
Last year's Hide and go seek champion!