What's your best/worst joke? (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Fornatian
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NJudson
Who farted?
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FoFa said:
My wife's grandmother says warsh and squarsh. Drives me nuts. That is mainly an Indiana thing I think, but at least I can say that I belive the vast majority of us Hoosiers pronounce it as wash. I think warsh is mostly a throwback from the old days and is being said less and less these days.
KenHigg
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This should put Rich over the edge...
YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Fall s froze completely solid.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
NOW, you know everything
YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Fall s froze completely solid.
The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
NOW, you know everything
Not really true, yet penuts may contain potasium nitrate but so do many other goods but you will be hard pressed trying to make dynamite out of using penuts. You can more effectly make a deadly toxin from penuts though.KenHigg said:
Oldsoftboss
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Who worked that out ?
Last edited:
Oldsoftboss
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Interesting
.
Oldsoftboss
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My wife would argue with that !
.
Last edited:
Oldsoftboss
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WOW, How big are the fuel tanks?
.
)
R
Rich
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slightly longer than Kennys then
R
Rich
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KenHigg said:
greaseman
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I thought this was about "best/worst jokes ....? 
To get the thread back on track.... did you hear that President Bush was having a big problem regarding Roe v Wade? He couldn't decide which was best for leaving New Orleans.
To get the thread back on track.... did you hear that President Bush was having a big problem regarding Roe v Wade? He couldn't decide which was best for leaving New Orleans.
R
Rich
Guest
and did you here that Disney was making a new underwater film in New Orleans
Finding Negro
Finding Negro
Considering how vile the last two jokes were, this would be the perfect time to tell the most horrible and inappropriate joke I've ever heard. But I still can't bring myself to type it. It's not even funny really...the humor comes from telling it and laughing at people's reaction of horror. So instead I'll comment on the trivia Ken posted:
Anal sex at noon taxes Lana
A slut nixes sex in Tulsa.
Bob mixes sex. I'm Bob.
Cleveland DNA: Level C.
Damn! I, Agassi, miss again! Mad!
Dennis and Edna sinned.
Did Hannah say as Hannah did?
Do geese see God?
Doom an evil deed, liven a mood.
Dr. Awkward
Ed, I saw Harpo Marx ram Oprah W. aside.
Egad! No bondage!
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog.
I'm a lasagna hog, go hang a salami.
Laminate pet animal.
Lonely Tylenol.
Nate bit a Tibetan.
Radar
We panic in a pew.
Won't lovers revolt now?
Yo, banana boy!
And the big, bad daddy of all palindromes:
http://www.palindromelist.com/longest.htm
My personal favorite is "A man, a plan, a canal: Panama!" For shits and giggles, I looked up a listing of palindromes. Here are some good ones:KenHigg said:
Anal sex at noon taxes Lana
A slut nixes sex in Tulsa.
Bob mixes sex. I'm Bob.
Cleveland DNA: Level C.
Damn! I, Agassi, miss again! Mad!
Dennis and Edna sinned.
Did Hannah say as Hannah did?
Do geese see God?
Doom an evil deed, liven a mood.
Dr. Awkward
Ed, I saw Harpo Marx ram Oprah W. aside.
Egad! No bondage!
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog.
I'm a lasagna hog, go hang a salami.
Laminate pet animal.
Lonely Tylenol.
Nate bit a Tibetan.
Radar
We panic in a pew.
Won't lovers revolt now?
Yo, banana boy!
And the big, bad daddy of all palindromes:
http://www.palindromelist.com/longest.htm
R
Rich
Guest
go on, tell itKraj said:
R
Rich
Guest
Well I haven't 
