Letter of complaint

[GaryPanic]

You will like this - ( I have acutally done some of these - so its not impossible for this to have been real)



Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:

Dear Mrs. Murray,

While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

And; last, but not least:

14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

 

[KalelGmoon]

oh wow that one is good.

almost fell out of my chair with the tomato juice and feminine products. and again with the last one in the fitting room

 

[GaryPanic]

I have done 1,2,7,10,11,12 and 13
sllightly diffrently - I laid under the specail offers and shouted "its me!!!" (I was asked to leave at that point)

Ghost shopping I have been doing for a couple of year - an unguarded shopping trolly and I put something in , Timers are a classic

My girlfriend has finally got used to it -so has my local shop now to teach my baby girl the tricks of the trade

 

[Dennisk]

Sounds like I should know him.

 

[GaryPanic]

funny thing is - someone did it back to me (ghost shopping) - I thought it was brilliant - caught by my own cleverness

Have you seen the advert where the littel boy has a trantrum so the mother has one as well - Done that - and I didn't event know the kid

I laid down on the ground having a tantrum - boy o boy you should have seen this kid run - their I was screaming for chocolate (just as the little boy had) and this littel old dear (who had seen this all) came up to my Girlfriend and said " Go on love buy him some chocolate" all 3 of us walked/hobbled away laughing our heads off

 

[GaryPanic]

another occasion - while shopping for food in Sainsbury - my girlfriend suddenly remembers and exclaimed "Fish Fingers" at which point I nearly wet myself and relpied - "Well your digits are n't so dainty" - swiftly followed by the secuirty guards asking both of us to leave

Do you get fish fingers in the states (they are fish wrapind in breadcrumbs and you grill/fry em' tasty

 

[boblarson]

Do you get fish fingers in the states (they are fish wrapind in breadcrumbs and you grill/fry em' tasty

We call 'em Fish Sticks (not so fun for things like this).

I'm glad you don't live here Gary

 

[KenHigg]

Somebody always snopes it when I post stuff like this -

 

[boblarson]

In this case I don't care if it's real or not, but it sure is hillarious.

 

[GaryPanic]

Bob - you never know - occassionaly they let me out and your custom guys aren't warned I slip through and scare the shop assists out of their skins

went to Phili the other year , - they asked me to leave Victoria Secrets Shop - using a bra to keep my ears warm - the Outlaws thought it funny , shop assistant didn't secuirty guard had a hard job keeping a straight face .

as i said to him - hey don't knock it till you tried it.

lol

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Here in the USA, we do the ultimate in TV advertising. We bundle up the best commercial spots for the year and make a one-hour special program out of them. Just think - a whole HOUR of commercials broken up only by ... more commercials. But in some cases they turn out to be hilarious.

For instance, the one about the boy throwing a tantrum for candy? There was a commercial like that.

This five-year-old kid and his dad are in a market. They pass the candy aisle and the kid does the inevitable meltdown when Dad says "no more candy." Kid cries, screams, falls on the floor thrashing like only a totally out of control kid can do. We are talking way beyond seizures, I've seen those and this kid was over the top.

Dad stands there looking more and more sad, blushes, can't look anyone in the face. All this time you are wondering what the heck is being advertised because there have been NO products visible. The candy wasn't being shown. The market's name isn't shown. It isn't a clothing ad, either, because no labels show up on anything.

Finally, in the last five seconds of the spot, as the kid has drawn a crowd and the dad is so chagrined as to want to melt, a voiceover says - "xyz condoms - to prevent embarrassing moments." First time I saw that one, I nearly fell out of my chair. My wife had to come into the room to check on me.

I have a friend who used a variant of one of the above so his wife would never again ask him to go lingerie shopping. They went into Victoria's Secret. My buddy C. was bored out of his gourd and finally decided to put an end to it. So he walked over to the display of underpants and picked up a pair. He then did his best Peter Lorre bug-eyed, breathless, haunted voice as he repeated "Panties... panties.... panties..." His wife, so he reported, grabbed him by the arm, tossed the garments on the table, and dragged him out of the store. He was in the doghouse for a few days but he never again was forced to go lingerie shopping for his wife.