What's your best/worst joke? (1 Viewer)

[Uncle Gizmo]

https://www.google.com/imgres?imgur...e+contagious+2'+brush&hl=en-GB&source=sh/x/im

 

[vba_php]

 

[vba_php]

 

[NauticalGent]

https://www.google.com/imgres?imgur...e+contagious+2'+brush&hl=en-GB&source=sh/x/im

I guess I am a little think...unless Contagious = Count Ages?

 

[Uncle Gizmo]

Contagious = Count Ages

Try saying "contagious" with an Irish accent....

But not whilst drinking your coffee....

 

[vba_php]

But not whilst drinking your coffee....

I don't drink coffee. that is for old people, Tony. =)

 

[NauticalGent]

Try saying "contagious" with an Irish accent....

But not whilst drinking your coffee....

Got it...LMFAO!!

 

[NauticalGent]

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies “I do not know, Sir. I am only here to wash your upper body and feet. He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure & heart rate worrying about his testicles.

Nurse overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There is nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, carefully:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"

 

[CJ_London]

My wife yelled from upstairs and asked "do you ever get a shooting pain across your body? like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

Sounding concerned I replied 'No.."




After a few moments she responded "How about now?"

 

[vba_php]

I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?

 

[CJ_London]

Sadly, one of our local businesses (a dog kennels) has gone bust - just heard they have had to call in the retrievers.

And a nearby company that makes kitchen blenders is considering they may have to go into liquidation

 

[vba_php]

Sadly, one of our local businesses (a dog kennels) has gone bust - just heard they have had to call in the retrievers.

And a nearby company that makes kitchen blenders is considering they may have to go into liquidation

those are just WRONG.

 

[kevlray]

I have heard of people married their pets. Of course some people can have multiple spouses.

 

[vba_php]

I have heard of people married their pets.

have you heard of people who are married to jesus? that's *slang* language that sometimes comes from unbelievers directed at nuns.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

I knew a girl named Rosita whose husband was Jesus. Nice Mexican couple.

 

[AccessBlaster]

I knew a girl named Rosita whose husband was Jesus. Nice Mexican couple.

lol

 

[vba_php]

I knew a girl named Rosita whose husband was Jesus. Nice Mexican couple.

HEY ZUS. NOT gee sus.

 

[NauticalGent]

I knew a couple who named their Rottweiler Jesus. Real interesting when he would get loose and they would call after him...

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Which reminds me of the story of the woman arrested for soliciting prostitution late one night. At the arraignment hearing the next day, the judge asked her what she was doing. She replied, "I was calling my dog." The judge, finding that a bit difficult to understand, asked her to explain. She replied, "My dog got out late last night when we let him out to do his business. He ran from the apartment to Bourbon Street and I followed him. I started calling for him." The judge thought for a while and finally said, "I still don't know why you were arrested. What exactly were you doing?" She said, "I don't understand either. My dog's name Tizzy 'cause he's so active he's always in a Tizzy. But we shortened his name. I was just calling him like I always do... Here Tiz, Here Tiz, Here Tiz."

 

[vba_php]

this is from the movie punchline:

why is 6 afraid of 7?

because 7, 8, 9

I know I know, kind of cheezy. but it's good for kids.