What's your best/worst joke? (1 Viewer)

NauticalGent

Executive Troll
Joined
Apr 27, 2015
Messages
2,449
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mothers pain to the baby’s father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and “kick it up a notch.”
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husbands blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing at this point, they decided to try for 50%. the husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.
 

adrianscotter

Registered old fart!
Joined
Jul 7, 2014
Messages
122
Why do husbands die before their wife?

Answer in a minute...
 

adrianscotter

Registered old fart!
Joined
Jul 7, 2014
Messages
122
So, having cut those pesky antenna's off...

Who DO husbands die before their wife?

Because they WANT TO!:D
 

CJ_London

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 19, 2013
Messages
11,614
A man was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a guy sitting at a card table with a bunch of ties laid out on it.

The man asked "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?".

He replied "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your robes."

The man replied, "I don't want a tie, I need water."

"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they'll give you all the water you want."

The man thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later he came crawling back to where the guy was sitting behind his card table.

The guy said "I told you, about 4 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"

The man rasped, "I found it all right .............



But they wouldn't let me in without a tie."
 

Uncle Gizmo

Nifty Access Guy
Staff member
Joined
Jul 9, 2003
Messages
10,860
I'm a Jordan Peterson fan, and I recall he had something to say about this brilliant film Groundhog Day!

 

The_Doc_Man

Happy Retired Curmudgeon
Joined
Feb 28, 2001
Messages
15,699
Perhaps in early 2021, the Democrats will wake up and realize they are replaying their worst day ever. Groundhog day on a national scale. What a strange and yet somehow delicious thought.
 

The_Doc_Man

Happy Retired Curmudgeon
Joined
Feb 28, 2001
Messages
15,699
Now we need to distribute that report to the Democrats after the Iowa caucus turned out to be SUCH a disaster.
 

Micron

AWF VIP
Joined
Oct 20, 2018
Messages
1,802
I gave my wife an engraved bracelet for Valentine's Day.
She gave me a black eye in return.

Anybody want to buy a bracelet engraved with "DO NOT RESUSCITATE" ?
 

Users Who Are Viewing This Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 1)

Top Bottom