What's your best/worst joke? (2 Viewers)
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FoFa
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The Business of Stupidity and Vice Versa
When McDonald's invaded Russia, the American bosses insisted that the Russian counter help give customers the standard Mickey D smile. Russian customers were insulted because in Russia smiling at strangers means you're making fun of them. How did Mickey D Russia solve the problem? They hired official Smile Explainers to shout into bullhorns at the customers in line: "When you reach the counter, you will be smiled at. This does not mean we are making fun of you." And that's how Russia became the frendly country it is today.
When McDonald's invaded Russia, the American bosses insisted that the Russian counter help give customers the standard Mickey D smile. Russian customers were insulted because in Russia smiling at strangers means you're making fun of them. How did Mickey D Russia solve the problem? They hired official Smile Explainers to shout into bullhorns at the customers in line: "When you reach the counter, you will be smiled at. This does not mean we are making fun of you." And that's how Russia became the frendly country it is today.
FoFa
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The Power of Stupidity
The head of communist Romania, Nicolae Ceausescu, liked to present himself as a man of the people. This was a tricky business since he also has a phobia of catching germs from other people. So before Ceausescu ventured out into the streets to be photographed shaking hands with the common people, his secret police would first disinfect the chosen ones.
The head of communist Romania, Nicolae Ceausescu, liked to present himself as a man of the people. This was a tricky business since he also has a phobia of catching germs from other people. So before Ceausescu ventured out into the streets to be photographed shaking hands with the common people, his secret police would first disinfect the chosen ones.
FoFa
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Military Unintelligence
In 2002, twenty British Royal Marines stormed a Spanish beach with assault rifles and mortars. When the practice invasion was over, the town policeman approached and explained to the marines that the beach they meant to practice on was British held Gibraltar, a few miles to the south. A British Defense Ministry spokesman apologized for the mistake. "We were not trying to take Spain and have no plans to do so," he said.
In 2002, twenty British Royal Marines stormed a Spanish beach with assault rifles and mortars. When the practice invasion was over, the town policeman approached and explained to the marines that the beach they meant to practice on was British held Gibraltar, a few miles to the south. A British Defense Ministry spokesman apologized for the mistake. "We were not trying to take Spain and have no plans to do so," he said.
Groundrush
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President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy".
So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy".
" No," said Bush, "that would be an accident." A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss." The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs Bush was struck by a friendly fire missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," said the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a f...ing accident either".
So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy".
" No," said Bush, "that would be an accident." A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss." The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs Bush was struck by a friendly fire missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," said the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a f...ing accident either".
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david.brent
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One for BrianWarnock
An extract from the Liverpool Echo (Liverpools Evening Newspaper)
LIVERPOOL ECHO(AP) - a 7 year old boy was at the centre of a Liverpool courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with his grandparents, the boy cried out they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that
domestic violence was a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After 2 recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Everton Football Club whom the judge firmly believed are incapable of beating anyone.
An extract from the Liverpool Echo (Liverpools Evening Newspaper)
LIVERPOOL ECHO(AP) - a 7 year old boy was at the centre of a Liverpool courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with his grandparents, the boy cried out they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that
domestic violence was a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After 2 recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Everton Football Club whom the judge firmly believed are incapable of beating anyone.
Brianwarnock
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LOL 
Thanks for that David, having a birthday nosh tonight so will tell it to son-in-law an Evertonian since birth, number plate contains EFC
Brian
Thanks for that David, having a birthday nosh tonight so will tell it to son-in-law an Evertonian since birth, number plate contains EFC Brian
david.brent
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Happy Birthday Brian. Enjoy your nosh tonight...
My other favourite is..
Oxo have launched a new gravy to celibrate Evertons European adventure this year. It's called Laughing Stock.
Take care
My other favourite is..
Oxo have launched a new gravy to celibrate Evertons European adventure this year. It's called Laughing Stock.
Take care
FoFa
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Everything You Always Wanted to Know But Were Too Smart to Ask
How can you tell if your're living in a stupid city?
Look out the window. If the air has a color and it's not bluee, you might want to consider moving. If you can't see the air because they're hiding it under smog, that's another clue. If the town your're living in contains the initials NYC or LA, time to smarten up by moving someplace else.
How can you tell if your're living in a stupid city?
Look out the window. If the air has a color and it's not bluee, you might want to consider moving. If you can't see the air because they're hiding it under smog, that's another clue. If the town your're living in contains the initials NYC or LA, time to smarten up by moving someplace else.
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Blow Job ............ LOL........
hehehehe!!!
LOL...................
HA HA HA HA HA....................
I'm sorry but this one Amused me....... LOL.............
Je Je.....
hehehehe!!!
LOL...................
HA HA HA HA HA....................
I'm sorry but this one Amused me....... LOL.............
Je Je.....
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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George, say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George, say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
FoFa
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The Business of Stupidity and Vice Versa
Car companies spend millions researching the names for new models. Chevrolet came up with NOVA, then found they couldn't sell it in Latin America because "no va" in Spanish means "doesn't go".
Car companies spend millions researching the names for new models. Chevrolet came up with NOVA, then found they couldn't sell it in Latin America because "no va" in Spanish means "doesn't go".
andy_dyer
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I can't believe this thread is still going!!
It must be 7 months since I've last logged in and this is still one the most current threads in the watercooler!!
Ok... I need to post a joke in order for this to continue....
What jokes could've been missed in the last 996 posts????
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
It must be 7 months since I've last logged in and this is still one the most current threads in the watercooler!!
Ok... I need to post a joke in order for this to continue....
What jokes could've been missed in the last 996 posts????
Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Hayley Baxter
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Welcome back Andy, nice to see that you stil have a few blonde jokes up your sleeve, of course you only remember them because they are so short
Hay
Hay
andy_dyer
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A man locks himself out of his car and calls the AA to help him get in...
The man from the AA turns up and rubs his hands on his trousers and the door springs open, the driver is amazed!
The man from the AA then gets into the drivers seat and then rubs his trousers again and the car starts, the driver is completely dumfounded!!
He asks the man from the AA how did you manage that?
The man from the AA replies "Simple really, I'm wearing my khaki trousers!"
The man from the AA turns up and rubs his hands on his trousers and the door springs open, the driver is amazed!
The man from the AA then gets into the drivers seat and then rubs his trousers again and the car starts, the driver is completely dumfounded!!
He asks the man from the AA how did you manage that?
The man from the AA replies "Simple really, I'm wearing my khaki trousers!"
