scott-atkinson
I'm with the Witch.......
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I don't see what the problem is?
It's a humour thing.... you would'nt understand...
What's your best/worst joke? (164 Viewers)
- Thread starter Fornatian
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It's a humour thing.... you would'nt understand...
scott-atkinson
I'm with the Witch.......
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Irony... it's just so ironic...
Dick7Access
Dick S
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It's a humour thing.... you would'nt understand...
The rehab hospital where my wife is at has a young CNA that would always call me mister Sonier. I said one day I much would I have to pay you to call me Dick instead of Mr, Sonier. She gave me a dirty look,
Dick7Access
Dick S
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GCF: American Idol
My wife left me a note saying I should try out for "American Idle."
But the joke is on her because she spelled it wr--- hey, wait a minute!
My wife left me a note saying I should try out for "American Idle."
But the joke is on her because she spelled it wr--- hey, wait a minute!
Dick7Access
Dick S
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William and Mildred decided to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. William went to the front desk to check them in while Mildred stayed with the car. As he was leaving the lobby, a young woman dressed in a very short skirt introduced herself as Candie. William brushed her off.
When William and Mildred got to their room, he told her that he'd been approached by a prostitute.
"I don't believe you," laughed Mildred.
"I'll prove it," said William. He called down to the desk and asked for Candie to come to room 1217.
"Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us."
Soon, there was a knock on the door. Candie walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. "So, I see you're interested after all," she said.
William asked, "How much do you charge?"
"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."
William was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25."
Candie laughed. "You must really be an old-timer if you think you can buy sex for that price."
"Well," said William, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye."
After she left, Mildred came out of the bathroom. "I just can't believe it."
William said, "Let's go have a drink and forget it. "
Back downstairs at the bar, the old couple sipped their cocktails.
Candie came up behind William, pointed at Mildred, and said, "See what you get for $25?"
When William and Mildred got to their room, he told her that he'd been approached by a prostitute.
"I don't believe you," laughed Mildred.
"I'll prove it," said William. He called down to the desk and asked for Candie to come to room 1217.
"Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us."
Soon, there was a knock on the door. Candie walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. "So, I see you're interested after all," she said.
William asked, "How much do you charge?"
"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."
William was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25."
Candie laughed. "You must really be an old-timer if you think you can buy sex for that price."
"Well," said William, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye."
After she left, Mildred came out of the bathroom. "I just can't believe it."
William said, "Let's go have a drink and forget it. "
Back downstairs at the bar, the old couple sipped their cocktails.
Candie came up behind William, pointed at Mildred, and said, "See what you get for $25?"
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live
a big guy sees a little guy sitting on a stool at the bar, he walks over to him and .. SMACK.. looking down on the little guy the big guy says that was a karate chop from Japan.
The little guy gets up brushes himself off and sits back down.
a few minutes later the big guy comes back over and SMACK... the little guys hits the floor hard. The big guy looks at him and says that was a judo kick from Korea.
The little guy gets up brushes himself off and walks out the bar...
about 20 mins later the little guys comes back and SMACK the big guy is knocked out cold.
The little guy looks at the bar tender and says when he wakes up tell him it was a crowbar from sears.
The little guy gets up brushes himself off and sits back down.
a few minutes later the big guy comes back over and SMACK... the little guys hits the floor hard. The big guy looks at him and says that was a judo kick from Korea.
The little guy gets up brushes himself off and walks out the bar...
about 20 mins later the little guys comes back and SMACK the big guy is knocked out cold.
The little guy looks at the bar tender and says when he wakes up tell him it was a crowbar from sears.
Dick7Access
Dick S
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GCF: Refrigerator Snack
The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the
refrigerator for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal.
Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as
many minutes, she snapped, "Nothing's any different than it was a minute ago."
"I know that," he assured her. "It's just that this time I've lowered
my standards."
The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the
refrigerator for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal.
Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as
many minutes, she snapped, "Nothing's any different than it was a minute ago."
"I know that," he assured her. "It's just that this time I've lowered
my standards."
scott-atkinson
I'm with the Witch.......
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Walrus,
I hope you get the notification of the notification post that I am making to notify to you that I read your post, and replied with a notification post....
I hope you get the notification of the notification post that I am making to notify to you that I read your post, and replied with a notification post....
Dick7Access
Dick S
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GCF: Kitchen Rules
You can't put plastic in the dishwasher, metal in the microwave or
utensils in the garbage disposal. There are so many rules in the
kitchen that it's just safer to eat out.
You can't put plastic in the dishwasher, metal in the microwave or
utensils in the garbage disposal. There are so many rules in the
kitchen that it's just safer to eat out.
AnthonyGerrard
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What criteria does this match - best? worst? joke?
Dick7Access
Dick S
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The choice is yours. I guess the reason I think it's funny is because I eat all my meals out.
ColinEssex
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Dick7Access
Dick S
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Everything from Hot dog wagon by the side of the road to very elegant bistros, but certainly lots of BK, and Mac's. They don't have Chinky's in the US as far as I know, at least not any place I have been.
MSAccessRookie
AWF VIP
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What's the difference between a "Chinky" and a Take Out Asian Restaurant?
Dick7Access
Dick S
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GCF: Legal Description
I am a prosecuting attorney in a small Mississippi town and will
admit to having a few extra pounds on me. Not long ago, I was
questioning a witness in an armed robbery case.
I asked, "Would you describe the person you saw?"
The witness replied, "He was kind of short and stout."
"You mean short and stout like me?" I asked.
"Oh, no," the witness said. "He wasn't that fat."
I am a prosecuting attorney in a small Mississippi town and will
admit to having a few extra pounds on me. Not long ago, I was
questioning a witness in an armed robbery case.
I asked, "Would you describe the person you saw?"
The witness replied, "He was kind of short and stout."
"You mean short and stout like me?" I asked.
"Oh, no," the witness said. "He wasn't that fat."
Sister Joan was teaching Sunday School; she asked the children what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Little Johnny stood up and said "A Fireman."
"Very good." said the nun.
Little Susan stood and said "a nurse."
"Very nice." said the sister Joan.
Little Bobby stood up and said "an astronaut."
"Er, Ok..." said the nun.
Then little Mary stood up and said "I'm going to be a prostitute".
"I BEG YOUR PARDON??" exclaimed sister Joan.
"I said I'm going to be a prostitute" repeated Mary.
"Oh thank goodness!", said the nun, "I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."
Little Johnny stood up and said "A Fireman."
"Very good." said the nun.
Little Susan stood and said "a nurse."
"Very nice." said the sister Joan.
Little Bobby stood up and said "an astronaut."
"Er, Ok..." said the nun.
Then little Mary stood up and said "I'm going to be a prostitute".
"I BEG YOUR PARDON??" exclaimed sister Joan.
"I said I'm going to be a prostitute" repeated Mary.
"Oh thank goodness!", said the nun, "I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."
