What's your best/worst joke? (1 Viewer)

[The_Doc_Man]

Every now and then when replaying Skyrim, I need to take a leek.

 

[NauticalGent]

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

 

[ipsummedicare]

How do you make a drummer play quieter?

Put music in front of him.

How do you make a drummer stop playing?

Ask him to read it.

__________________

Well it keeps my post count ahead of Hayley!

How do you catch a bra? With a booby trap.

 

[ipsummedicare]

I used to hate body hair, but then it grew on me.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

I used to have a lot of hair on my head, but these last many years, we've had a falling out.

 

[Isaac]

 

[Isaac]

 

[AccessBlaster]

View attachment 100421

Exactly

 

[Isaac]

 

[KitaYama]

 

[NauticalGent]

View attachment 100483

I'm stealing this one...

 

[NauticalGent]

 

[Cotswold]

Now that the gyms have re-opened I've joined again. They've put in a new machine and I used it for an hour and felt really sick.
Brilliant machine, it does everything, Mars Bars, KitKats, Snickers, Crisps, cola drinks, everything....

 

[AngelSpeaks]

Now that the gyms have re-opened I've joined again. They've put in a new machine and I used it for an hour and felt really sick.
Brilliant machine, it does everything, Mars Bars, KitKats, Snickers, Crisps, cola drinks, everything....

My kind of machine!

 

[KitaYama]

 

[Steve R.]

Courtesy of my daughter, who found it.

 

[Cotswold]

 

[The_Doc_Man]

I swear I met that guy during my time as a Navy contractor. He couldn't be fired due to civil service rules so they gave him make-work projects - which as far as I recall, didn't get finished. Or sometimes even started. But he was a GREAT "Excuse Maker" for ALL of his projects.

 

[Steve R.]

I swear I met that guy during my time as a Navy contractor. He couldn't be fired due to civil service rules so they gave him make-work projects - which as far as I recall, didn't get finished. Or sometimes even started. But he was a GREAT "Excuse Maker" for ALL of his projects.

You remind me of a similar experience. We had a GS-12 programmer, who essentially refused to do a project because they had not received training to use a certain programming language. I think it was Fortran. Anyway, that person successfully "avoided" training. Management tried to force the issue and the employee filed a complaint for harassment and actually won!!!

 

[Cotswold]

I swear I met that guy during my time as a Navy contractor. He couldn't be fired due to civil service rules so they gave him make-work projects - which as far as I recall, didn't get finished. Or sometimes even started. But he was a GREAT "Excuse Maker" for ALL of his projects.

It often does appear concerning that if we juxtaposed the office in these cartoons with the corridors of power.
Just about every political leader in the World would fit the part of Wally or the boss.