What's your best/worst joke?

[conception_native_0123]

it always put me to sleep.

any idea why? because there were no props perhaps?

 

[Isaac]

any idea why? because there were no props perhaps?

I guess the whaddya call it .. impromptu ad hoc stuff just doesn't float my boat. Jim Gaffigan does though

 

[Isaac]

What is a woman in a wedding dress smoking a spliff?

V
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A hybrid

Or a lady standing on a street corner in Paris

 

[conception_native_0123]

I guess the whaddya call it .. impromptu ad hoc stuff just doesn't float my boat. Jim Gaffigan does though

respected. oh well.

 

[KitaYama]

I think I need to move to Spain.

That "Loyal Service" is killing me.

Spanish civil servant off work unnoticed for six years

A Spanish civil servant is fined after not going to work for at least six years, which was only noticed when he became eligible for a long service award.

www.bbc.com

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Proof that it's best to keep a low profile when you are doing something sneaky.

 

[CJ_London]

 

[CJ_London]

 

[Isaac]

I think I need to move to Spain.


View attachment 108112


That "Loyal Service" is killing me.

Spanish civil servant off work unnoticed for six years

A Spanish civil servant is fined after not going to work for at least six years, which was only noticed when he became eligible for a long service award.

www.bbc.com

6 x 41000 = 246000
he only got fined 30k.

Pretty good deal! Sounds like a USA post office job

 

[Dick7Access]

Pretty good deal! Sounds like a USA post office job

Reminds me about 35 years ago. Where I worked a guy about 30 years old was completely useless. The only reason he had a job his father was a foreman. He had a job once a week to go around to about 30 motors and pump grease into a grease fitting. While out sick another man was assigned the task. At one motor up high he could not see the grease fitting. He reach up to see if he could feel the grease fitting. He came back with a handful of grease. Useless could not find the grease fitting either so he just pumped grease onto the casing. BTW: the motor was greaseless. (Providence Pat)

 

[Isaac]

I read today somebody made a recording of a teacher in the UK absolutely DESTROYING verbally a student who dared to suggest that if someone identified as a Cat, they were "genuinely unwell".

Things always have a trajectory. Stand up to this nonsense NOW, or it will keep going.
3 years ago nobody knew it was headed to where we were today. If you asked me 5 years ago, "are they going to try to force people to call a man a woman", I would have said - "of course not. we treat the confused person decently, but we don't pretend to agree with their false belief, of course!"

Yet here we are.

In the case of the UK school, the teacher actually told the student that if a person wanted to identify as a cat, they should be "affirmed"
And said something to the poor student like "with viewpoints like yours, you should be in an asylum".

This is where we are from unbridled "tolerance" of everything.

Despite the hatred we often receive, I think that 50 years from now people are going to literally thank evangelical Christians for being one of the primary forces that at least tried to slow this nonsense down. And of course the mutilated children will come to us for counseling and suicide prevention, and we will do our best..

 

[CJ_London]

Perhaps I'll identify as a pint of beer - that way I can be drunk every night

 

[Dick7Access]

I read today somebody made a recording of a teacher in the UK absolutely DESTROYING verbally a student who dared to suggest that if someone identified as a Cat, they were "genuinely unwell".

Things always have a trajectory. Stand up to this nonsense NOW, or it will keep going.
3 years ago nobody knew it was headed to where we were today. If you asked me 5 years ago, "are they going to try to force people to call a man a woman", I would have said - "of course not. we treat the confused person decently, but we don't pretend to agree with their false belief, of course!"

Yet here we are.

In the case of the UK school, the teacher actually told the student that if a person wanted to identify as a cat, they should be "affirmed"
And said something to the poor student like "with viewpoints like yours, you should be in an asylum".

This is where we are from unbridled "tolerance" of everything.

Despite the hatred we often receive, I think that 50 years from now people are going to literally thank evangelical Christians for being one of the primary forces that at least tried to slow this nonsense down. And of course the mutilated children will come to us for counseling and suicide prevention, and we will do our best..

Amen, and amen. That is why I do what I do. Trying to help people be happy and content with who they are and in the real world, not who they would like to be, and in the way they would like the world to be. One of the things I learned early in life from my father was follow the money. In college I had a professor who would always say, “It depends on whose ox is being gored”. I knew what he meant at the time, but was years before I realized that it was a close cousin to follow the money. While I was in politics I learned quickly why which politicians were pushing for what laws. The rude awaking was when I realized it was me too.

 

[Isaac]

One of the coolest things to see is people in the AA program finding God, which virtually all of them do (some exceptions).
Interesting, isn't it, that just about everyone who REALLY recovers from alcohol/drug addiction does so through AA, and does so through surrender to a "higher power".

They find far more freedom and joy in that surrender than most people do in their "free" rebellion.

Trying to run your own life doesn't work. We weren't meant to. We were meant to submit to the lordship of Jesus Christ.

In that is where true happiness and freedom is found. I've listened to 10,000 testimonies to prove it - and that's JUST in 12 step.

 

[Dick7Access]

One of the coolest things to see is people in the AA program finding God, which virtually all of them do (some exceptions).
Interesting, isn't it, that just about everyone who REALLY recovers from alcohol/drug addiction does so through AA, and does so through surrender to a "higher power".

They find far more freedom and joy in that surrender than most people do in their "free" rebellion.

Trying to run your own life doesn't work. We weren't meant to. We were meant to submit to the lordship of Jesus Christ.

In that is where true happiness and freedom is found. I've listened to 10,000 testimonies to prove it - and that's JUST in 12 step.

Amen

 

[The_Doc_Man]

@Isaac - PLEASE take this as the gentlest of reminders that your religious comments in post #3721 could have many other places to be in AWF, but this is a joke thread. I am as guilty as anyone else of occasionally hijacking a thread, and you have just done so. Even as I vehemently disagree with what you posted, I will not argue it here. I will simply suggest that there is a better place to have that argument.

 

[CJ_London]

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.

The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.

Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

 

[NauticalGent]

 

[conception_native_0123]

now that's a good one Gent. LOL

 

[NauticalGent]