What's your best/worst joke? (1 Viewer)

[Cotswold]

Nigel Farage was furious the other day because someone snipped all of the pull-tabs off his lunch.

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For the Accessers in the USA. Nigel Farage was a European MP involved in Brexit. He spends most of his time making bullets for others to fire and is a big buddy of your favourite ex Pres Don Trump. Appears to enjoy a frequent drink and in his one hour TV show on GBNews he actually manages to go for just half an hour without a drink. He then spends another half an hour, basically drinking at work.

 

[ByteMyzer]

Nigel Farage was furious the other day because someone snipped all of the pull-tabs off his lunch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the Accessers in the USA. Nigel Farage was a European MP involved in Brexit. He spends most of his time making bullets for others to fire and is a big buddy of your favourite ex Pres Don Trump. Appears to enjoy a frequent drink and in his one hour TV show on GBNews he actually manages to go for just half an hour without a drink. He then spends another half an hour, basically drinking at work.

"Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process." - E.B. White

 

[Cotswold]

"Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process." - E.B. White

ood ker owt wod thad reet plonker EB White evr sed

 

[CJ_London]

 

[Cotswold]

A Guy was racing past a farm and ran over a sheep. He stopped and went to the farmhouse.
He told the farmer's wife about it and she said :
"that is very bad for us, the breeding season has just started and that was our best Tup"

The driver feeling that he should put matters right replied:
"I feel really bad about this and I am prepared to replace him"

"Well if you insist, the sheep are in the field behind the barn" She replIed.

 

[Isaac]

I'm not interested in religion, and I don't know why I had bookmarked this.
Before deleting the link, I thought someone may find it funny too.

Objectively, if I detach from my own opinions and everyone else's for a moment, it's really not that funny - because "but of course" an organization spreading the word needs money (money is the way we support anything, no matter how powerful or knowing it is, but the cause of organizing people to learn or benefit from it) ....... and it makes sense that there is a Hell but God loves us, because truth is stranger than fiction, and why in the world does the way things are have to make 'sense' to us?? It doesn't make sense to me that there is a fiery ball in the sky that warms us, or that we are born by plopping out of someone legs, either, and yet there it is today, the sun, and here I am, previously plopped, just as it/I was yesterday!

Also objectively, yeah - that video is so funny I laughed out loud, more than once! Thanks for posting.

PS, I'm not sure why anyone would choose to go to Hell, but I'm glad God respects our choice, makes life more beautiful than if we were robots.
If I were a Creator, I can definitely see creating Dogs and Humans. Dogs are my pet, they have no will, they will auto-love me. Humans are much more precious to me, as they can choose to go either way. To me that actually does make sense - but that doesn't matter, whatever IS is more important for its is-ness than for whether or not it makes sense to my flawed, biased, limited mind. In fact I have some days where virtually nothing makes sense to me.

But I know I came from someone, because things cannot come into being from nothing.

PS I was reflecting today about how devoutly my parents have believed all their lives that you can pray for healing from God - dont' always get it but always trust God for it - and how he is so much healthier than all his brothers and sisters - Praise God! He shows Himself everywhere.

The only successful organization without being financially supported (to any measurable amount) that I've ever seen is Alcoholics Anonymous.
Then again, all their principles come from Christianity!

 

[The_Doc_Man]

A Guy was racing past a farm and ran over a sheep. He stopped and went to the farmhouse.
He told the farmer's wife about it and she said :
"that is very bad for us, the breeding season has just started and that was our best Tup"

The driver feeling that he should put matters right replied:
"I feel really bad about this and I am prepared to replace him"

"Well if you insist, the sheep are in the field behind the barn" She replIed.

Our "like/dislike" icons don't include a groan or perhaps a "roll eyes" option. The only other thing I can say about this joke is "bahhhh"

 

[The_Doc_Man]

But I know I came from someone, because things cannot come into being from nothing.

First, look up the Physics term "Spontaneous pair production."

Second, you come from one sperm cell and one egg cell. Which is ALMOST nothing. And if you consider that they grew from nutrients in the body, they started existence as loose proteins which came from loose nutrient molecules. So that is pretty close to nothing.

 

[Isaac]

First, look up the Physics term "Spontaneous pair production."

Second, you come from one sperm cell and one egg cell. Which is ALMOST nothing. And if you consider that they grew from nutrients in the body, they started existence as loose proteins which came from loose nutrient molecules. So that is pretty close to nothing.

Something never has and never will come from nothing.
Spontaneous is a fun word for "I don't know". And if the physics people invented it , well that's jolly for them.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Spontaneous is a fun word for "I don't know"

And "We are not meant to know God's plan" is a more elaborate phrase for "we don't know either."

 

[NauticalGent]

I heard a large oil company is going to start making gasoline from insect urine.

I think it's BP.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Yep, they negotiated a honey of a deal.

 

[Isaac]

And "We are not meant to know God's plan" is a more elaborate phrase for "we don't know either."

Therefore come out of the maze agnostic at worst? Isn't it closer to your reality than a negative assertion?

 

[NauticalGent]

Yep, they negotiated a honey of a deal.

There was a buzz on the internet...

We really need that *groan* emoji Doc keeps talking about...

 

[CJ_London]

It snowed last night...

8:00 am: I made a snowman.

8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.

8:17 - My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead.

8:22 - The transgender man/woman/person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .

8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.

8:42 - The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.

8:45 - TV news crew from BBC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.

9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.

By noon it all melted


Moral:
There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes

 

[Cotswold]

Two snowmen in the front garden, one shouted to the other "hey, can you smell carrots?"

 

[NauticalGent]

Two snowmen in the front garden, one shouted to the other "hey, can you smell carrots?"

The other one said "Holy shit, a talking snowman!"

 

[Isaac]

We have to laugh because to lighten what is otherwise an incredibly serious situation.

Here is an innocent girl, just 11 years old , forced to share a bed - that's right, A BED - with a boy, all because the Democrats "inclusive" concepts have gone to extremist levels. https://www.foxnews.com/media/dad-f...hid-bathroom-forced-share-bed-biological-male

Yeah jpl, this is a big issue if you have kids that you don't want sexually violated in their youth. If you don't mind, then ignore the issue I suppose.

 

[Isaac]

 

[NauticalGent]