What's your best/worst joke?

[The_Doc_Man]

I love boobies especially the blue-footed ones!

https://twitter.com/x/status/1903879350984040549

Makes perfect sense to me.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

View attachment 119399

I was never a mountain climber. But otherwise I'm pretty steady.

 

[AccessBlaster]

 

[Isaac]

 

[The_Doc_Man]

But... on all USA car batteries of that type, the positive post has a "+" sign etched on top!

 

[Cotswold]

 

[The_Doc_Man]

View attachment 119444

Ouch... that just struck a chord within me. "Working from home" is the employer's sneaky tactic to mute the voice of strikers, because if they DO go on strike, they have to leave the house to show it. They actually have to go to their workplace to form a picket line. That is, if they remember where they worked, they would have to go...

 

[Isaac]

I was on my way to home depot yesterday, passed an office complex and mused at what it would be like to go there each morning, get coffee in the breakroom, say hello to a few people, etc. I can barely remember what that's like - and I suddenly felt fond of it. But when I get stuck in traffic, I am less fond and thankful for remote work...it can actually be a difficult choice, once one fully understands the pro's and con's of both sides

 

[The_Doc_Man]

I enjoyed the vibrancy of a workplace where at least some of the people were working. The coffee mess, the bullpen technical sessions, the people who were well enough educated to hold a decent conversation... all good. Morning traffic was rarely an issue because my hours were earlier than peak rush-hour. Ditto afternoon traffic. But it WAS good that the car knew the way in the morning.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

They got away with doing little when in the council offices and now get away with doing nothing at home.

Ah, but at least they are consistent, regardless of where they are "working."

 

[CJ_London]

A friend of mine worked for the local council (he's retired now). Their hours were something like 37 1/2 hrs/week. Any time over could be taken as time off in lieu. (TOIL!). He used to start early and finish late to avoid the traffic and typically built up 10-15 hrs/week. Enough so every year he could take 3 months off in one stretch. Whilst away, his job was covered by a temp who did not know the systems and was basically inefficient. So contractual hours covered but overall, an inefficient organisation.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

My first "real" job was for a relatively small company that allowed us to retain benefit hours across calendar/fiscal years. I was a true workaholic at the time (and even went to therapy for it). At one point I had over 400 hours of accumulated personal hours - 50 days! They changed the rules so that you could never carry more than 50% of your annual vacation hours to the next year. Fortunately, they made the rules so that I could take the extra days off during the week and I was able to burn off the hours before the "use it or lose it" date. I took some of the excess hours as pay, but I got maybe 30 extra days off and actually took a real vacation. Also learned my lesson, because it was tough to schedule my time off when a hot project was underway.

 

[Isaac]

It's good to realize the sooner the better where to spend time in life, and can be a tough decision. You want the best for your family, which largely involves providing monetary resources, and yet you want to spend as much time with them as possible,,, Honestly, they talk a lot about women 'juggling things' but I think it's the great unspoken thing that men also juggle a lot of tough decisions. "Make as much money for us as possible" + "Be with us as much as possible", well it's a natural contradiction in effort-direction that requires hard decisions on the daily. Also for those of us working from home, being up to your neck in code or design decisions one moment and turning your head to listen to your spouse who walks in the room, doing so with a nice attitude the next moment is NOT always easy! That's for sure. When I was in my 30's , I was the type who was logging in to work at 8 PM doing stuff for people, I couldn't get enough of the pats on the back - Thanks Isaac, it felt so good. After I hit 40 I got tired, and it no longer seemed cool to be working in the evening in general, either. Nowadays I put in my bare 40 and feel GREAT about it. Gladly and totally disagree with all the high ups at the big tech companies who want their employees 24/7 and wouldn't dream of even wanting to work at Google, Amazon, etc. Not sure why anyone does if they have a family. Also, I've noticed that younger people going into tech the academic way often think that to have a tech career you have to try to work at Google, Amazon, etc......which is funny to me, because 99% of the tech jobs are not at tech companies. They are at the bank, the courier company, the grocery store, the hospital system, pretty much everywhere else. And the effort required is less, with a better balance.

 

[Cotswold]

A platoon walked into a barracks yesterday.
You'd have thought at least one of them would have noticed it.

 

[KitaYama]

 

[CJ_London]

BBQ RULES:

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:

(

THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

@CJ_London -
You know, the last time I barbecued some steaks, I don't think it ended quite the same way. However, the bruises faded quickly.