What's your best/worst joke?

1614194233367.png
 
AB, alternation of attention as a way to create illusory images is a well-known and highly appreciate art form. If you DIDN'T see an alternative visualization, Sigmund Freud himself would have to come back from the dead to talk to you.
 
MY DADDY SLEEPS NAKED
"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Robbie.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy.The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Miss Russell had taught grammar school for 30-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Robbie what he meant by that.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Robbie and trouble were old friends but he always told the truth.
"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreled shot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!''
"Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!
"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barrelled 12-gauge shotgun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!"
"Miss Russell, we all been pluckin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"
 
An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him.
"Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."
The chief nodded that it was so. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it.
No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."
Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!
 
UG, your comment reminded me of a little bit of byplay that occurred in our office. One day, a desktop machine was acting up and its user, W, said out loud, "I'm not happy." My response was, "Well, you guys know I'm Doc so that leaves us five choices for W." Someone else chimed in to say "He doesn't sound sleepy, and he has never been bashful a day in his life. That leaves us 3 choices." And of course, a government guy responded, "He didn't sneeze when he said what he said. By process of elimination I can tell you he is either dopey or grumpy." W was quite for the rest of the day.
 
A start of a number of late night conversations. "Honey, are you asleep?" and in your mind "I was".
 
💈 *THE HAIRCUT* 💇🏻‍♂💇🏻‍♀



_"Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without forgetting."_



👧🏻 One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.



When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

🌹💐🌹



👨🏻‍✈️ Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.



The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

🍩🥐🍩



🙋🏻‍♂ Then a MP came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The MP was very happy and left the shop.



The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MPs lined up waiting for a free haircut.

🗣👥👤👥👤
 
Of course, the true - but dangerous - answer to that question is: <sigh> not any more.
 
Progressive Rock. I assume ALC means "Yes" who released the album "Tales from Topographic Oceans"

I think ALC was taking a Jeopardy-like approach to your question to Doc. Clever!
 
NauticalGent said:
Progressive Rock. I assume ALC means "Yes" who released the album "Tales from Topographic Oceans"

I think ALC was taking a Jeopardy-like approach to your question to Doc. Clever!
Click to expand...
Sorry, I read 'Yes' and I saw the band logo in my mind.
1619714110946.png

It's not as if I never hear the word in any other context, but that's the first place my mind went.
 
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