Cyber bullying - fact or fiction? (1 Viewer)

[dan-cat]

To those who blame the nursery route for the ills of society, I ask this:

What is the role of the stay-at-home parent when the child ventures out into society and steps on to the school bus? For me, it is clear. The responsible ones quickly switch to the same role as the nursery users. That is, applying a keen interest in how their child is interacting in society from a distance.

Anthony argues that a nursery child gets a head-start in developing social skills. I would go a step further and argue that the parent also gets a head-start in nurturing these social skills.

The commitment to this nurturing is the key. Take a look at this example, Link and we can clearly see the results of a lack of social skills from the parent. I'd venture to suppose that this parent has seen very little exposure to social interaction that a full-time job would provide.

 

[scott-atkinson]

The commitment to this nurturing is the key. Take a look at this example, Link and we can clearly see the results of a lack of social skills from the parent. I'd venture to suppose that this parent has seen very little exposure to social interaction that a full-time job would provide.

So by your reasoning, if this child had gone to a nursery from year 0, and his parents, or mother in this case had been in full time employment that this tragic event would never have happened...

That is a sweeping statement to make, and with very little evidence about the history of the family..

It is quite possible that nursery and work were both in this parent child's life, and the thug would still be a thug...

I cannot say the kind of adults my two boys will grow into, or the stupid things that they will do, but I do know that they are now two loving caring, socially adept boys who were not thrown into a nursery 2 weeks after they were bought into this world, and given all this including the love of both parents they have a very good chance of growing into loving caring sensible responsible adults...

 

[dan-cat]

So by your reasoning, if this child had gone to a nursery from year 0, and his parents, or mother in this case had been in full time employment that this tragic event would never have happened...

You haven't understood what I've said at all.

I'll repeat. The commitment to this nurturing is the key.

This commitment can be made with or without the use of a nursery. This part is explained in the section that you failed to quote.

That is a sweeping statement to make, and with very little evidence about the history of the family..

It is quite possible that nursery and work were both in this parent child's life, and the thug would still be a thug...

My supposition was an assessment of the parent's callous response. Yes she could just be a sociopath but I think it more likely that her social skills remain undeveloped from a lack of interaction in society. I suppose that her child is suffering from the same cause. It really isn't such a giant leap now is it?

I think we both agree that nurturing is an integral part of shaping a child's behavior. So to suddenly dismiss this causal link is too much of a reach to take seriously.

I cannot say the kind of adults my two boys will grow into, or the stupid things that they will do, but I do know that they are now two loving caring, socially adept boys who were not thrown into a nursery 2 weeks after they were bought into this world, and given all this including the love of both parents they have a very good chance of growing into loving caring sensible responsible adults...

After this personal response, you never did actually answer my question. What was your and the mother's role once your children went to school?

 

[scott-atkinson]

You haven't understood what I've said at all.

I'll repeat. The commitment to this nurturing is the key.

This commitment can be made with or without the use of a nursery. This part is explained in the section that you failed to quote.

My apologies if I did not understand the question, one of the perils of I guess of non face to face communication, messages on a page are so easily misinterpreted, I guess one of the fatal causes of the Cyber Bullying effect that this thread is about, not of cause that I am referring to you as a cyber bully..

After this personal response, you never did actually answer my question. What was your and the mother's role once your children went to school?

I was and always have been in full time employment, but have always put my family first, opting for the routine 9-5 rather than an all hours job.

My then wife, before the boys was a very well paid PA, we both decided that when our first child came along that she would take a break from work to raise the child, this took longer than expected as the second child arrived just a year later, so what turned into a planned 18 month work break ended in her not going back to work at all in the early years. At age 3 the boys went into Nursery, for a few hours a day, at this point my wife became a stay at home mum, I guess one that lunches...
When both the boys were of school age, at about 5, she then got a part time job that lasted School hours, this way she could see them off to school and see them home from school. This we both agreed was important as we wanted our children to feel secure and have a stable home life, and not be pushed between pillar and post chasing our love between our work times.

Given the pressures of modern living, I do feel sorry for parents, and children alike, who are put into nursery from birth, sometimes for 9 or 10 hours a day, how does the child even know who their parent is, and think of all those firsts that that the parents will miss, like first words, or first steps, it's unlikely that these will occur on schedule to tie in with the parents busy work schedule, all these help the parent child bond relationship in my opinion..

My wife witnessed our first child's first steps, she can recount the story second be second even 12 years later, the moment was that special to her, I along with my wife witnessed our second child's first steps, a moment that is endeared in my memory that I will take to my grave with me... these moments only happen once, so why let a stranger see them, when to them it means nothing...

 

[Bladerunner]

let me put two more cents in this thread.

The Nursery (minder) gives social skills that cannot be obtained at home. How to play (among other social trappings) including not being a bully (yes, if a child takes a toy away from another child this is bullying). If they find out early that this behavior is not suppose to happen then it will not likely happen in the future.

The Home (mom and pop) gives the nurturing and love a nursery(minder) cannot give. all my kids and grandkids first steps were taken at home and not at the minders. At home, the social skills even with other siblings around don't start until 4-6 years of age (when they start to school).

You are both right and as far as I know the rules for raising your child 'is as you go'. Of course we have some people who think they know best (LOL) how to raise your child. A lot of them don't even have children. They need to get another profession.

have a nice day:>)

Bladerunner

 

[Brianwarnock]

Hey guys , if those firsts are so important shouldn't both parents stay at home, why should dad miss out.

Brian

 

[Bladerunner]

Hey guys , if those firsts are so important shouldn't both parents stay at home, why should dad miss out.

Brian

Your exactly right, dad should not miss out and like parts of Europe, the liberal party in the US is in the throes of setting up a 'Nanny state' which will allow & pay both parents to stay home and raise their kids. Just as long as they keep voting these liberals into office, the parents can keep staying at home. However, I would bet that they (liberals) disagree with you in that the only thing that is important to them is Power and not the kids well being!

Have a nice day :>)
Bladerunner

 

[Brianwarnock]

So you agree that both parents should stay at home with kids, but you object to a system that aids that, so in your world only those of independent means should have children!
Well that would soon resolve the over population problem.

Brian

 

[Bladerunner]

So you agree that both parents should stay at home with kids, but you object to a system that aids that, Brian

No, I said: "Your exactly right, dad should not miss out ". I don't believe in a 'Nanny State'. It only works until you run out of money to pay for it and if no one is working, it does not take long to run out of money. Like a commune, everyone has to work and when that fails to happen the commune falls apart. Dads and moms are totally different in their approach to caring for the children. These approaches are many and will different geographically and from culture to culture. What is the right way to raise them, I do not know. I do know that your best judgement for raising a child, based upon your life experiences is no worse than that of those (sometimes childless) liberals who know best how to raise them and will take steps (legal and otherwise) to force you to raise them according to their philosophy. In the end, the results of the raising of a child can only be come apparent sometimes years later when the child has become an adult.

so in your world only those of independent means should have children!

It was someone else in this thread that said and I paraphrase: 'If you cannot afford them, don't have them'


To get back on track---to bullying. New Jersey has a preteen (12) suing her parents. To hear tell it, she should not have to obey their rules while living in their home yet they are bound to pay for her college, phone and other expenses, etc. because they gave birth to her. A new form of 'Bullying' the parents? I believe if this is held-up by the courts, it very well could as you say;

"Well that would soon resolve the over population problem.Brian"

Of, course our scientist now have the means to have so called 'test-tube' babies, 'The God' syndrome. Thus, we will not be in any danger of extinction even when legislating a 'zero birth rate'

Have a nice day :>)
Bladerunner

 

[Bladerunner]

The girl in my last post is not (12) but rather 18 years old. One of the arguments is that since they are paying for her healthcare, etc. they should pay for all of her expenses? Sounds like a problem for the elite about a spoiled child.

My apologies to all for the error!

Have a nice day :>)

Bladerunner

 

[Brianwarnock]

OK my last couple of posts have been a bit tongue in cheek, but I was a bit fed up with the trumpet blowing and back patting going on, I stand by my post 125

There are good nurseries and there are bad nurseries just as there are good parents and bad parents

I believe that for some it is best if one parent stays at home and for others if both go to work, the issue of witnessing first steps etc is more for the parent than the child.
A stable united loving family is the most important factor in child/youth development.

Brian

 

[Brianwarnock]

The disciplining of children has been removed not only from parents but teachers by the liberal knowalls, then they wonder why we have the problems we have.

Brian

 

[Fifty2One]

Rather sexist attitude to assume that the mother would be the 'stay at home' to raise the offspring. What about couples where "the wife" had the higher earning capacity?

Hey guys , if those firsts are so important shouldn't both parents stay at home, why should dad miss out.

Brian

 

[Fifty2One]

18: the traditional birthday of luggage... if the child is not prepared to leave home at that age then perhaps the strangers who raised her for her parents did not do a very good job.

The girl in my last post is not (12) but rather 18 years old. One of the arguments is that since they are paying for her healthcare, etc. they should pay for all of her expenses? Sounds like a problem for the elite about a spoiled child.

My apologies to all for the error!

Have a nice day :>)

Bladerunner

 

[Brianwarnock]

Rather sexist attitude to assume that the mother would be the 'stay at home' to raise the offspring. What about couples where "the wife" had the higher earning capacity?

Nowhere have I said that the lady should stay at home, in post 125 I called col's assertion that she should "sexist drivel" , before criticising somebody check all of their posts.

My daughter earns over twice as much as her partner, if anybody had to stay at home he would choose to do so, and he could play football with the boys and teach them blokish things, plus Spanish, all a bonus.

Brian

 

[Fifty2One]

On really - my bad - when I read on post #134 and you wrote "why should dad miss out." I was quite sure you referred to dad missing out on raising the child(ren) and not missing out on going off to earn the money.
I would have quoted #125 or all the rest of your posts if I was referring to them... which I was not...

Hey guys , if those firsts are so important shouldn't both parents stay at home, why should dad miss out.
Brian

Nowhere have I said that the lady should stay at home, in post 125 I called col's assertion that she should "sexist drivel" , before criticising somebody check all of their posts.
My daughter earns over twice as much as her partner, if anybody had to stay at home he would choose to do so, and he could play football with the boys and teach them blokish things, plus Spanish, all a bonus.
Brian

By the way, I had to look up the definition of "blokish" and it also seems to be following the same lines of male/female designated roles: "denoting or exhibiting the characteristics believed typical of an ordinary man"
Just saying...

 

[Bladerunner]

Rather sexist attitude to assume that the mother would be the 'stay at home' to raise the offspring. What about couples where "the wife" had the higher earning capacity?

My question is: What women (new mother) would not want to stay at home with the newborn for a few weeks (at least)? If her job means that much to her then she really does not have a family to start with. Sorry fellas, Old school here. and I agree with Brian. The stable family unit is the key.

Have a nice day :>)
Bladerunner

 

[Brianwarnock]

Just for the record my daughter had a year off after both births, but she is one of the lucky ones , good maternity arrangements, long annual leave, but then she did work hard to get to that position.

Brian

 

[Brianwarnock]

On really - my bad - when I read on post #134 and you wrote "why should dad miss out." I was quite sure you referred to dad missing out on raising the child(ren) and not missing out on going off to earn the money.
I would have quoted #125 or all the rest of your posts if I was referring to them... which I was not.

I thought that we were having a conversation, not issuing sound bites, all posts in the thread matter to get the complete picture.

Brian

 

[Brianwarnock]

By the way, I had to look up the definition of "blokish" and it also seems to be following the same lines of male/female designated roles: "denoting or exhibiting the characteristics believed typical of an ordinary man"
Just saying...

I like my boys to be boys, whilst nothing is off limits I believe that there are differences between girls and boys even if my other daughter was something of a tomboy.

Brian