What's your best/worst joke? (170 Viewers)

GCF: Anniversary

Both of my parents work and lead very hectic lives. So my father was
bound to forget their wedding anniversary.

Remembering at the last minute, he sped to the stationery store, flew
through the door, and breathlessly asked the salesclerk, "Where are
the anniversary cards?"

To his surprise, he heard my mother call out, "Over here, Bill."
 
An attractive blonde arrived at the casino and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed 'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching
 
Hello all, New to this and have been loving the jokes, i hope this one wasn't posted before, I have read a lot of the pages but have not gotten to all of them yet.
If not I hope you enjoy :)




2 Older men are standing by there house's
The one turns to the other and says "For your 25th anniversary you took your wife to Ireland"
The other says "Ya, I did that"
"So now that it's your 50th anniversary what are you going to do?"
"Go back and get her"

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

End of line, man!
 
Last edited:
Something that will make you go hmmm...


Why is there Braille on drive up ATM machine's (for those who don't know what ATM is it is where you get your cash from a machine)
Someone made a buck! :rolleyes:

___________________________________________________________________

End of line, man!
 
Braille is a regulatory requirement. It has little to do with reality.
When I served on a Federal Database JAD (Joint Application Development) group. Those pesky logical DBA and Programmers would ask "Why (fill in the blanks)"
Regulatory management is very Zen.
If you ask a Zen Master "why?", it usually ends up with you being in a position to be hit with a stick. There are no Why questions.
This is useful to bring up at the beginning of any meeting. There are no Why questions.

This philosophy also works well in marriages.

An example: A well-know burger chain had the menu in Braille, posted behind a glass pane. Turned out, the Braille was compliant because it was in a public place. The glass was required because of the sanitary cleaning requirement.
You just have to appreciate the universe when every thing works out.
 
last night I had this girl banging on my door for 20 mins, he he he I wouldnt let her out :)
 
I.Zombie said:
Something that will make you go hmmm...


Why is there Braille on drive up ATM machine's (for those who don't know what ATM is it is where you get your cash from a machine)
Someone made a buck! :rolleyes:

___________________________________________________________________

End of line, man!
Click to expand...

You have Drive up ATM Machines :cool::eek::D

I bet there close to drive through Mcdonalds too :p:rolleyes: with their menus in Braille... ;)
 
A son walks up to his father who is a pastor
"Hey dad, how about the use of the car?"
"Well son, I'll tell you what, if you get your grades up, read your bible and cut your hair we can talk about the use of the car"
so a month goes by and the son walks back up to his dad
"Hey dad how about the use of the car?"
The father says "Well son, I am very happy, your grades are up as your teacher told us, you read the bible everyday i saw, but you still have yet to get your hair cut"
the kid says
"Come on dad, Jesus, had long hair, so did Moses, even Judas had long hair"
"You know your right son, and they walked every where they went"
 
There used to be a sign up in our local pub:

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure
 
ok heres one

a sign in a bar window says "make my horse laugh, I'll pay $1,000"
so a man walks in and goes to the bartender "Mind if i whisper in your horse's ear?"
"go ahead"
so the man walks up to the horse whispers something and the horse cracks out laughing so hard. The bartender gives the guy the $1,000.
The next day sign say make my horse cry I'll pay $1,000
So again the man walks in and says "Mind if i take your horse, just going around the corner."
"Sure: says the bartender
so the guy takes the horse and not 2 min. later comes back and the horse has tears falling like a waterfall out of his eyes from crying so hard
the bartender says "Ok, I'll pay you the $1,000 but you got to tell me how you did it, yesterday you made him laugh today you made him cry? HOW?"
The guys says "It was easy, Yesterday i whispered into ur horse's ear that my Dick is bigger then his..... Today i showed him"
 
GCF: New Boyfriend

The teenage girl brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
He has a baseball cap on backwards, torn low-rider jeans and numerous
tattoos and body piercings.

The mother pulls her daughter aside. "Dear, you know your father and
I love you and we only want the best for you. This boy, he just
doesn't seem very ... nice."

"Oh please, Mom! If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing five
hundred hours of community service?"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

jwcolby54
VBA and ChatGPT
2 3
Replies
43
Views
5,019
GPGeorge
GPGeorge
J
Interesting artical about what government can and can't do. It's a bit longish, but worth the read.
2
Replies
38
Views
4,992
AccessBlaster
A
The_Doc_Man
Having a brain cramp
2
Replies
23
Views
2,448
DickyP
DickyP
Isaac
The Reason for Christmas
Replies
4
Views
1,121
NauticalGent
NauticalGent
Isaac
Becoming Free
2
Replies
25
Views
3,680
Galaxiom
G

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 171 (members: 0, guests: 171)
Back
Top Bottom