Dick7Access
Dick S
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I don't know what a chinky is so I can't tell you the differents between the two.
What's your best/worst joke? (2 Viewers)
- Thread starter Fornatian
- Start date
I don't know what a chinky is so I can't tell you the differents between the two.
ColinEssex
Old registered user
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I love these jokes.
Ok, I give in, what is the difference between a chinky and a take out Asian restaurant?
I have one,
What is the difference between god and a hospital specialist?
God doesn't think he is a hospital specialist.
Col
Dick7Access
Dick S
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GCF: Employment Form
My sense of humor always gets me into trouble, but I just can't help it.
Applying for a job one time, the employment form clearly said: "Age
of Father, if living" and the same query for my Mother.
I put down the figures 119 and 117 in the spaces provided, and the
interviewer asked if my parents were truly that old.
I replied, "No, but they would be if they were still living."
My sense of humor always gets me into trouble, but I just can't help it.
Applying for a job one time, the employment form clearly said: "Age
of Father, if living" and the same query for my Mother.
I put down the figures 119 and 117 in the spaces provided, and the
interviewer asked if my parents were truly that old.
I replied, "No, but they would be if they were still living."
MSAccessRookie
AWF VIP
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Thank you Col for confirming that there is no difference
Dick7Access
Dick S
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That can't be what Col meant by chinky. He is not that crude.
Dick7Access
Dick S
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GCF: Spelling Words
My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't
understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had
become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store
at the soup aisle.
An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over,
blocking my access to the soup.
Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy, is she r-u-d-e!"
"Yeah," he replied, "and I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l."
My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't
understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had
become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store
at the soup aisle.
An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over,
blocking my access to the soup.
Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy, is she r-u-d-e!"
"Yeah," he replied, "and I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l."
Dick7Access
Dick S
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GCF: Escaped Lion
A man was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people
running toward him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What's
happening?"
The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the city zoo."
"Oh no! Which way is it heading?"
"Well, you don't think we're chasing it, do you?"
A man was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people
running toward him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What's
happening?"
The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the city zoo."
"Oh no! Which way is it heading?"
"Well, you don't think we're chasing it, do you?"
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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was no
passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time
and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was
totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became
so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with
her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on
anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often
as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but
directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted
firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she
divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big boobs.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was no
passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time
and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was
totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became
so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with
her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on
anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often
as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but
directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted
firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she
divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big boobs.
Dick7Access
Dick S
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GCF: Respectable Judge
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.
"Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you
heard them," instructed the lawyer.
The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person
to hear," she protested.
"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.
"Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you
heard them," instructed the lawyer.
The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person
to hear," she protested.
"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."
Brianwarnock
Retired
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Well now he didn't did he, my guess is that you are objecting to "chinky" something that has been discussed on the forum previously and more than once. Dick in the civilised world it is a Chinese Takeaway , however Col , and Rich when he was here, tell us that in the heathen areas that they inhabit chinky is normal and accepted.
The difference is obvious as an Asian Takeaway may be Thai, Indian , etc
Brian
Brianwarnock
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When I went 'gator watching near New Orleans the guide was asked if it was safe to walk in the area, we were on a boat, he replied " yes so long as you go with someone you can outrun" I laughed but many just looked bemused.
Brian
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Two businessmen in the centre of Perth were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop...
As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now somebody is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old dear said, “Must be doing well... Only two left."
As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now somebody is going to walk by, put their face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old dear said, “Must be doing well... Only two left."
Dick7Access
Dick S
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A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Dick7Access
Dick S
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GCF: Wedding Advice
At a wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married
longest. The bride's grandparents took the honors.
The DJ asked them: "What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?"
The grandmother said: "The three most important words in a marriage are,
'You're probably right.'"
Everyone then looked at the grandfather for his answer.
He, wisely, answered: "She's probably right."
At a wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married
longest. The bride's grandparents took the honors.
The DJ asked them: "What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?"
The grandmother said: "The three most important words in a marriage are,
'You're probably right.'"
Everyone then looked at the grandfather for his answer.
He, wisely, answered: "She's probably right."
boy: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
parent: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
boy: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
parent: I'm not. I'm her mother.
parent: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
boy: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
parent: I'm not. I'm her mother.
Dick7Access
Dick S
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GCF: Big Birthday
My mother-in-law asked her granddaughter if she was excited about her
upcoming birthday.
"Yes," the granddaughter gravely replied, "it's a big birthday. I've
waited my whole life to be five."
My mother-in-law asked her granddaughter if she was excited about her
upcoming birthday.
"Yes," the granddaughter gravely replied, "it's a big birthday. I've
waited my whole life to be five."
Dick7Access
Dick S
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Rocky is back. Again. Yeah, 67-year-old Sylvester Stallone is getting ready to star in a seventh “Rocky” movie. You can tell he’s getting up there because instead of running up those famous stairs, now Rocky just takes the elevator.
Read Latest Breaking News from Newsmax.com http://www.newsmax.com/jokes#ixzz2aCk8s7CN
Read Latest Breaking News from Newsmax.com http://www.newsmax.com/jokes#ixzz2aCk8s7CN
RainLover
VIP From a land downunder
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Yesterday I was at my local COLES store buying a large bag of Pedigree dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Pedigree Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with
my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I'm now banned from Coles. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Pedigree Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with
my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.
I'm now banned from Coles. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.
Brianwarnock
Retired
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Brianwarnock
Retired
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- Joined
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- 12,667
