Xmas is here at last.

[ColinEssex]

Well, here it is then. The women have bought all the presents, the food and got everything organised.

Tomorrow they'll cook us a nice xmas dinner and it will be superb. The men will sit around drinking after whilst the women do the washing up.

It's so tiring. Then you have to listen to them moaning on and on - sometimes it can be 8pm before they make the evening meal, do we say anything? No. I can't see what the problem is, that's what they're here for.

Then they moan about their present - a nice new Hoover. . . . . . .

Honestly, men can't win.

My neighbours son has the right idea, he's sent the kids off to his ex-wife for xmas day so he can get some peace. Xmas isn't really a time for kids, they spoil the drinking and eating time. He's upset as he has to have them for the 26th. He's worked out, if he sent them to Africa, they could be looked after for only £10 per month each instead of the vast expense he shelled out this year.

Col

 

[ColinEssex]

Actually, I hope they don't show starving and dying people on TV - it puts you off your xmas dinner and all the cullinary delights that we gorge on over this period.

Col

 

[statsman]

Well, here it is then. The women have bought all the presents, the food and got everything organised.

Tomorrow they'll cook us a nice xmas dinner and it will be superb. The men will sit around drinking after whilst the women do the washing up.

It's so tiring. Then you have to listen to them moaning on and on - sometimes it can be 8pm before they make the evening meal, do we say anything? No. I can't see what the problem is, that's what they're here for.

Then they moan about their present - a nice new Hoover. . . . . . .

Honestly, men can't win.

I forget, is this the fourth or fifth Mrs. Essex you're currently working on?

My neighbours son has the right idea, he's sent the kids off to his ex-wife for xmas day so he can get some peace. Xmas isn't really a time for kids, they spoil the drinking and eating time. He's upset as he has to have them for the 26th. He's worked out, if he sent them to Africa, they could be looked after for only £10 per month each instead of the vast expense he shelled out this year.

Or he could have had a vacectomy for still less.

Actually, I hope they don't show starving and dying people on TV - it puts you off your xmas dinner and all the cullinary delights that we gorge on over this period.
Col

Like airing announcements for AA as you're having your 5th glass of wine.

 

[ColinEssex]

I forget, is this the fourth or fifth Mrs. Essex you're currently working on?

Just the first. Married 'er indoors in 1972.

Or he could have had a vacectomy for still less.

Too late, he's got 2 of the little brats. I'm guessing you mean 'vasectomy'?

Like airing announcements for AA as you're having your 5th glass of wine.

Not at 9am. I'm still quite sober thanks and it's nearly 6pm now, no alcohol as yet.

Don't you hate it when they show starving people then? How many billions have been given to them and still it's not sorted.
Col

 

[ASherbuck]

Wow, for a moment there Col you sounded like the American stereotype of a southerner.

You just need to make a hat into a drink holder with big tubes to your mouth and sit on the roof with your shotgun waiting for Santa.

Merry Christmas good sir.

 

[Mike375]

Well, here it is then. The women have bought all the presents, the food and got everything organised.

Col

Paint 'em white so they match the colour of the other kitchen and laundy appliances

 

[ColinEssex]

You just need to make a hat into a drink holder with big tubes to your mouth and sit on the roof with your shotgun waiting for Santa.

The latest mass killing in LA would appear to have been carried out by Santa himself. So waiting for him with a loaded gun seems a good bet. I'm sure Kenny would have been there relishing the chance to shoot a reindeer.

At least eight people have died after a man dressed as Santa Claus opened fire at a Christmas party near Los Angeles and set the house alight, police say.

Oh, and in the UK you can already buy hats with drink holders and tubes.

Merry Christmas

Col

 

[KenHigg]

The latest mass killing in LA would appear to have been carried out by Santa himself. So waiting for him with a loaded gun seems a good bet. I'm sure Kenny would have been there relishing the chance to shoot a reindeer.

Oh, and in the UK you can already buy hats with drink holders and tubes.

Merry Christmas

Col

Only if one of 'em is a wall hanger

 

[ASherbuck]

The latest mass killing in LA would appear to have been carried out by Santa himself. So waiting for him with a loaded gun seems a good bet.

At least he did it with Style.

 

[ColinEssex]

At least he did it with Style.

Don't all serial killers do it with style in the USA?

Col

 

[Vassago]

Don't all serial killers do it with style in the USA?

Col

Yes. UK serial kills could learn a thing or two from them.

 

[Rich]

Yes. UK serial kills could learn a thing or two from them.

They don't use GUNS

 

[ColinEssex]

Yes. UK serial kills could learn a thing or two from them.

Mmmm yes, shoot an 8 year old in the face, shoot a 16 year old in the back and spray the rest with a propellant, shoot them and set fire to it all.

Sounds wonderful. Are Americans taught that at school?

I'm sure removing half the face of an eight year old is a right laugh - such panache and style.

Col

 

[ASherbuck]

They could probably make one heck of a made for tv movie based off his story.

Then, if he were still alive he could use the movie proceeds to afford a nice attorney that would get him out early.

Capitalism.

And no we're not taught that in school, the stuff they teach in school is a lot more dry and doesn't have the flair this guy obviously had. Because there's wrong, and then there is obscenely wrong and this was so terrible the only thing you can really do to deal with it is make fun of the guy.

Sort of like how I saw this show once covering UK comedians who use Hitler for their punch lines. Robs the name or act of it's power.

 

[Rich]

Sort of like how I saw this show once covering UK comedians who use Hitler for their punch lines.

What's wrong with taking the pi** out of Hitler?

 

[KenHigg]

Are Americans taught that at school?

They learn it as children from the un-checked liberal TV trash that is pumped into the homes.

 

[ASherbuck]

What's wrong with taking the pi** out of Hitler?

Nothing, it'd be like taking the piss out of this a**hat that dressed up like Santa or any a**hat that does something ultra-violent but tries to make theater out of it because of how they dress.

 

[Rich]

Please translate into English

 

[ASherbuck]

You make fun of Hitler and it "takes the piss out of him"
You make fun of the guy who dressed up like Santa to commit crimes . . . or any other jerk off that tries to add sick twisted flavors to their crimes to take the . . .

yah know what. Forget it.

 

[Rich]

You make fun of Hitler and it "takes the piss out of him"
You make fun of the guy who dressed up like Santa to commit crimes . . . or any other jerk off that tries to add sick twisted flavors to their crimes to take the . . .

yah know what. Forget it.

Americans will never understand our humour and its reasons for it, have you never thought that the only thing that kept British spirits up during the horrors of the blitz was our sense of humour and the ability and desire to take the piss out of the likes of Hitler, nah you're right, forget it, you'd never understand