ColinEssex

[The_Doc_Man]

I don't know that Colin's personal life is anyone else's, but he has posted that he has become a caregiver for his wife. Since HE posted that first, I am not exposing something that he asked to keep private. (I wouldn't do that.) I wonder if this situation is recent enough to at least partly account for the frustration he feels when he posts like that.

I know from personal experience what kind of anger and resentment can build up in someone under stress. I was my mother's caregiver for many years after my father's death. Eventually I had to place her in a nursing home. I cannot tell you how angry I was, how absolutely and intensely overcome with rage at what had happened to her. It took a long time and resignation to being on pressure mediation probably for the rest of my life. However, I regained my sanity eventually and met the woman I eventually married. So in my case, the rage is no longer there except as a memory.

I do not make excuses for Colin - but perhaps I dimly understand some of his stresses. I am not asking for him to be forgiven. He must decide whether that is what he wants. I will still call him down when he bashes my country. But I won't engage in such negative thoughts about him any more. Like Bob, I will either fully ignore or perhaps minimally respond if I think it is appropriate.

 

[statsman]

All this time I have missed all this interesting stuff.

Colin has been on my ignore list for some time.

 

[Brianwarnock]

I don't know that Colin's personal life is anyone else's, but he has posted that he has become a caregiver for his wife. Since HE posted that first, I am not exposing something that he asked to keep private. (I wouldn't do that.) I wonder if this situation is recent enough to at least partly account for the frustration he feels when he posts like that.

QUOTE]

Those of us who frequent the forum and read what is posted have known about Col's situation for several years. It is a fact that the stresses can build up when one has to live with a serious debilitating illness. I worked for part time Age Concern after early retirement and one of their major concerns was who cares for the carers.
I don't, however, feel that this excuses obnoxious behaviour.
Only Col knows why he is behaving like he is but I wonder if his recent retirement is a factor.

Brian

 

[Rich]

I don't know that Colin's personal life is anyone else's, but he has posted that he has become a caregiver for his wife. Since HE posted that first, I am not exposing something that he asked to keep private. (I wouldn't do that.) I wonder if this situation is recent enough to at least partly account for the frustration he feels when he posts like that.

QUOTE]

Those of us who frequent the forum and read what is posted have known about Col's situation for several years. It is a fact that the stresses can build up when one has to live with a serious debilitating illness. I worked for part time Age Concern after early retirement and one of their major concerns was who cares for the carers.
I don't, however, feel that this excuses obnoxious behaviour.
Only Col knows why he is behaving like he is but I wonder if his recent retirement is a factor.

Brian

Perhaps he feels that justice should be seen to be done

 

[chergh]

Perhaps he feels that justice should be seen to be done

Well bob seems to be considered to valuable an asset to the site to do what should have been done at the time of the incident, i.e. a life time ban on the account. The site owner's lack of action doesn't justify a lynch mob though.

 

[Rich]

I think Bob has moved on too.

Where?

The member in question went after him on the help forum,

Doesn't Larson have a history of the same

 

[Brianwarnock]

Perhaps he feels that justice should be seen to be done

Something more than a one liner is required here Rich.
What incident are we talking about and what "justice" does he want?

Brian

 

[Rich]

What incident are we talking about and
Brian

The one that led to the Americanized forum ethos of banning

what "justice" does he want?

It's suprising just how far an apology will go

 

[Kryst51]

It's suprising just how far an apology will go

Not to incite more argument, but sometimes life doesn't give apologies. What I mean by that is, people will hurt you (proverbial "you" here), and they may never apologize for it. What will you do with it? Will you carry that anger with you forever, allowing it to change you and weigh you down? Or will you let it go? I went to college for counseling, and one of the things they stressed a lot, is that you can't change other people, you can only change yourself.

So, you can control the way you respond to things. I say all this because anger and grudges it only hurts the person who is hanging onto it, really. Sometimes you have to just let it go for your own sanity's sake. It would be great if Colin could let it go for his own good, not meaning that he and Bob need to be all "buddy, buddy".

 

[Brianwarnock]

The one that led to the Americanized forum ethos of banning

That doesn't really help identify the incident.

It's suprising just how far an apology will go

Yeah a lot of people need to apologise to each other, those who hounded Bob, Bob to those he deleted, and there may have been other mudslingers but 2 years is along time ago to remember a silly spat starting on a thread where Bob was congratulating Ken on 10000 posts.

Brian

 

[Banana]

Goes to show that you can lead a horse to the pond but you can't make the horse drink it.

Unfortunately, the next step was to beat the horse dead.

Though King Richard III was considered to be a despicable man, he at least had enough sense to want to trade his kingdom for a horse.

 

[Lightwave]

So, you can control the way you respond to things. I say all this because anger and grudges it only hurts the person who is hanging onto it, really. Sometimes you have to just let it go for your own sanity's sake. It would be great if Colin could let it go for his own good, not meaning that he and Bob need to be all "buddy, buddy".

Well said Kryst - holding onto anger just drags you down no question about it. There's no escape unless you give it up.

Note though - people are very bad at changing their behaviour.

I heard a statistic the other day that when told by doctors that they need to make changes to their lifestyle to improve their life expectancy - only 10% are able to make those changes - everyone else carries on as before.

 

[Kryst51]

I heard a statistic the other day that when told by doctors that they need to make changes to their lifestyle to improve their life expectancy - only 10% are able to make those changes - everyone else carries on as before.

>>>> That's why the world needs more counselors, and people need to go to them<<<<<

 

[Vassago]

Kryst, that's been my point the entire time. Again, it's clear Bob has no intention of responding to these antics, not matter how far they go. Spreading it to the main parts of the forum only damages the forum.

 

[Vassago]

Where?

Doesn't Larson have a history of the same

To a state of mind where he's over an incident that happened a long time ago. Where he doesn't have to damage the rest of the forum with trolling remarks. Where he avoids the people who participated in the incident 2 years ago so as not to see it happen again.

 

[dan-cat]

Doesn't Larson have a history of the same

It's that playground philosophy that is dragging Colin down.

Colin is not a happy camper and rationalizing a two-year grudge fest is not doing him any favors.

He doesn't care about Bob, apologies or bans. Misery loves company, that's all.

He is a strong character. He can still determine his own standards. I'm hoping this 'sabbatical' will make him realise how much time he has wasted on this grudge.

 

[Adam Caramon]

Not to be rude, but I am amazed at how much bickering and childish actions occur on these forums. I suppose what is so surprising to me is that the forums seem to be inhabited mostly by older folks. This is what first attracted me to this site; a lot of educated and intelligent information on Access. Then I gravitated to the WC because it was interesting to see what such people thought of things, what they talked about, etc.

For all you guys that have known each other for eons, you obviously either like or dislike specific members of the forum. Its not like that is likely to change, so I don't understand all the sniping at each other.

Anyway, it makes total sense to me that Colin was temp banned. I don't understand the necessity of having a thread about it, and if I were Colin I'd probably consider it embarassing. I understand informing us so that people aren't left in the dark, but perhaps it could have been a stickied, locked thread for the duration of his ban? Or perhaps something else less gossip-inducing?

Anyhow, here's to hoping this all blows over.

 

[dan-cat]

I don't understand the necessity of having a thread about it, and if I were Colin I'd probably consider it embarassing.

I don't know, it might be quite therapeutic for Colin and everyone else. A bit like marriage counseling where you can only speak when you're holding an egg or something

Perhaps we should all take a turn on the temp ban?

 

[boblarson]

The prime reason to post this, where it would normally not be posted, is that a ban of Colin would inevitably lead to a thread anyway which would have demanded to know why he was banned. In the effort to be as transparent as possible about the situation, it was created here with an explanation which would hopefully keep things at least as civil as possible. Normally such things are not discussed but given the history of previous events it was thought to be best to keep things out in the open.

 

[Rich]

A bit like marriage counseling where you can only speak when you're holding an egg or something

Isn't that a little dangerous, after all one of them could start cracking a yolk?