I Love You

[ColinEssex]

My apologies Giz, I wasn't aware that it is ok to use such foul language as "f*ck em" as Anthony did on the new religious thread with no public rebuke.

Yet, when I relate my own personal experience of 100% fact regarding being trapped in a loveless marriage, as I am my wife's 24 hour carer (she has multiple sclerosis) and can't leave out of guilt and her necessity of me being here 24 hours, it seems that my personal thoughts are worthy of a public warning and possible lifetime ban.

Perhaps I should lie and fabricate stories as others do here and I'll be ok.

My my, how these forums have changed over the 15 years I've been a member. I'd better test out my 4 other user names and IP addresses are still working.

Col

 

[ColinEssex]

I would be extremely pleased, and it may be of use, if you can explain exactly what I have done wrong that has upset you so much.

Speaking fact and personal experience surely cannot be the reason or dozens would be banned by now.

Thank you.

Col

PS, the best way to learn Spanish is to go to Spain where they only speak Spanish and the English don't go, you have to speak Spanish then. That's how I did it.

 

[bob fitz]

Hi guys. Well I never expected to stir up such a storm or such strong feelings in other members with the comments that I made in posts #5 and #7. Since then I have been watching this thread with both disdain and amusement. Now, at the risk of stirring things up even more, I would like to make the followings comments:

First: I should like to thank members for their congratulations and advice. It is very much appreciated J.

Second: I am offended by the comment made by namliam in post #9. This person has a right to speak freely. However, he/she has no right to call me a liar. When namliam says that my thoughts and words are “BS” I take that to mean that my words are not true. If one says something that is not true then that person is a liar. namliam may say that I am ugly. namliam may say that I am stupid. namliam might even say that I am deluded. namliam is entitled to an opinion but can never know what feelings I have in my heart and mind. I take offence at any assault of my integrity. In my opinion, without integrity a man has nothing.

Third: I believe that ColinEssex has made some comments in previous posts, which have not been considered appropriate by some. On this matter I have little knowledge and cannot, therefore, offer any valid opinion. However, when I first saw his post #23 I was unsure whether his comments were intended to be humorous or were a serious comment on his view of life, relationships and matrimony. In the light of his subsequent posts I can only assume that they were not an attempt at humour. In which case, I have some sympathy for him.
Until last year I was married for 42 yrs. For the most part, but particularly the last 20 yrs this was a relationship in which I felt that I was trapped and living in an absolute nightmare.
Perhaps some of the past posts by ColinEssex that have not been well received are a result of his underlying dissatisfaction with life.

I hope and trust that my ramblings will cause no offence to anyone here. I just wanted to air my opinions.

Bob

 

[Bladerunner]

Personally I think Gizmo is out of line. Colin did not say anything out of line when you compare it to some post on this forum and he had not been on the forum for some time.or at least not on this thread.. I believe that even I have made some comments maybe I should not have or at least that is what I have been told by others in some not so unbounded choices of words. Yet?

Blade

 

[ColinEssex]

I have some sympathy for him.
Until last year I was married for 42 yrs. For the most part, but particularly the last 20 yrs this was a relationship in which I felt that I was trapped and living in an absolute nightmare.


Bob

Hi Bob, I too have been married for 42 years, (1972 was a good year)

But sadly things have deteriorated for various reasons, one of which I mentioned earlier and I guess that is the main reason. Now I am stuck. My conscience will not allow me to leave or divorce and will be consumed with guilt if I do.
I despise what I have to do yet do it and watch my life ebb away.

Mary is almost part of the family now and whilst I watch couples enjoying their retirement I seeth at the thought of things I could be doing but can't because of my responsibilities.

I wish good luck to anyone getting married, but I will not be hypocritical and say its a bed of roses, it ain't believe me. If it works, brill. For me it was my worst mistake that's all I'm saying.

If Gizzy can't handle an honest opinion but will allow foul language to be used, and will allow obvious lies, bullshit and exaggeration especially on the gun thread then I question his priorities.

Col

 

[namliam]

Second: I am offended by the comment made by namliam in post #9.

Certainly didnt mean to offend anyone, least of all you.
However never did I call you a liar or doubt your feelings in any way, sorry if you feel I did...

I am doubting your quote "I love her more than words can say", that is just another catch phrase, one of many that is randomly overused and misused.
Moreover if words cant say, let me quote another random quote...
"Actions .... "

Do as you feel and people wont need to hear it, they just know it which is much more valuable... Then the occational words do mean that much more as well.... Rather than an obligatory "I love you" as you run out the door off to where ever it is you may go....

Marriage like all things is a mix of good and bad, anyone that will tell you it has been all good the last 50 years... that person I will doubt his words very much... thought possible offcourse (exceptions make the rule)
2/3 of all marriages end in divorce
99% of what ever remains long enough, will have its ups and downs and cant ever be 100% good.

@Bob Fitz, again, ever intended to offend you... Please accept my appologies for doing so.

@All dont Judge anyone untill you walk a mile in his/her shoes.
I am sure any serious illness like Cancer, MS, or any of the other "bad" ones out there can make or break anything, a relations, love, even families.
I seen it happen and my thoughts go to those that have to bear the burden of caring for those that have these illnesses.

 

[Bladerunner]

{QUOTE]

In the context of this thread it was out of line that's my opinion and if you can't see that then well you have a different conception of how people should behave. However I am only one of many moderators and I'm sure a consensus will be reached on this issue, which I of course will abide by.

[/QUOTE]

YES, I definitely do have a different concept on how people should behave as I have 25 years of service in a medical facility(s) where people were taking care of loved ones for a LONG long time under dismal and terminal conditions plus 50+ years of Marriage that I would not change under any circumstances mentioned here.. Yes, there have been ups and downs but in the end, I would rather die than live without her. Like Colin, I would be at her side 24-7 if needed. As much as I understand his plight I do not understand fully since my wife is in good health. However, I do know that people in this situation react differently and all of them lash out at times to relieve mounting pressures. I am not saying you ( Uncle Gizmo) are wrong or the consensus of all the moderators are wrong but what I am saying is that you are trying to silence a man that apparently loves his wife very much and is trapped in a situation that takes his complete attention and time in order to get through each day. COULD YOU DO THAT? If not then show a little compassion!

Having said that, Uncle Gizmo, as you would say here; this is where I, Bladerunner cross the line;

Colin....There is a reason, a plan of why you are going through hell on earth. Reach out to HIM, believe in HIM, ask his guidance and he will take care of You and your beloved Mary for an eternity. You deserve nothing less than that but only you and her can make that choice and no one else has to know!

Blade

 

[Brianwarnock]

{QUOTE]

Colin....There is a reason, a plan of why you are going through hell on earth. Reach out to HIM, believe in HIM, ask his guidance and he will take care of You and your beloved Mary for an eternity. You deserve nothing less than that but only you and her can make that choice and no one else has to know!

Blade[/QUOTE]

Yeah somebody said that to me when my wife was dying before she had time with her grandchildren, well all I can say is that it is a bloody awful plan.

Brian

 

[kevlray]

Twenty two years with my wife (as of April). Still make it a point to say I love you (or just love you) before we go to sleep at night.

 

[ColinEssex]

And that's it Colin, your inability to moderate your behaviour is causing me a loss of time.

So tell us Gizzy. Why are you a mod when your time is so precious ? Half an hour??? Try losing about 20 odd years of your life.

Col

 

[Vassago]

Nobody has broken any rules. Carry on, everyone, and let it go! Namliam has explained what he meant, which I can certainly understand. He was using the literal definition. Colin has a right to his opinion which he is certainly glad to share. There's nothing wrong with his opinion. He didn't use any words to attack anyone specific or even any group at all.

Honestly, I didn't like my marriage either, and I ended it. Not all of them are a bed of roses. Fortunately, I didn't have to feel guilty because she cheated on me and in no way was in a position to not survive on her own. As far as I'm concerned, I'm guilt free for leaving her behind.

I haven't completely given up on the concept, but the actual "being married" thing seems like a waste in today's society. I don't need the government and a piece of paper to tell me who to love.

 

[Bladerunner]

Colin....There is a reason, a plan of why you are going through hell on earth. Reach out to HIM, believe in HIM, ask his guidance and he will take care of You and your beloved Mary for an eternity. You deserve nothing less than that but only you and her can make that choice and no one else has to know!

Blade

Yeah somebody said that to me when my wife was dying before she had time with her grandchildren, well all I can say is that it is a bloody awful plan.

Brian

[/QUOTE]

Again sorry to hear about your wife? Have seen many deaths over the years along with how the loved ones handled it. Some run successfully to God for comfort .
Then others let the anger consume them and they ran away from God,.......right into the waiting arms !!!!!!!. It is not for me to judge but I will say this; If there is any hope of you seeing her again ( not knowing if she believed or not) you will have to make that choice before you die? It is that simple! It may seem like a bloody awful plan but it is the only one you have left.

Blade

 

[Bladerunner]

Nobody has broken any rules. Carry on, everyone, and let it go! Namliam has explained what he meant, which I can certainly understand. He was using the literal definition. Colin has a right to his opinion which he is certainly glad to share. There's nothing wrong with his opinion. He didn't use any words to attack anyone specific or even any group at all.

Honestly, I didn't like my marriage either, and I ended it. Not all of them are a bed of roses. Fortunately, I didn't have to feel guilty because she cheated on me and in no way was in a position to not survive on her own. As far as I'm concerned, I'm guilt free for leaving her behind.

I haven't completely given up on the concept, but the actual "being married" thing seems like a waste in today's society. I don't need the government and a piece of paper to tell me who to love.

Thanks for the clarity!

p.s. the government or a piece of paper while a formality binds the commitment a little deeper than if two are just shacking-up.

Blade

 

[Bladerunner]

1 Thessalonians 4:14-17 1 Corinthians 15:51-53

For Brian and others who have lost or are losing loved ones.

Hope it provides a little comfort.

Blade

 

[ColinEssex]

Nobody has broken any rules. Carry on, everyone, and let it go! Namliam has explained what he meant, which I can certainly understand. He was using the literal definition. Colin has a right to his opinion which he is certainly glad to share. There's nothing wrong with his opinion. He didn't use any words to attack anyone specific or even any group at all.

Honestly, I didn't like my marriage either, and I ended it. Not all of them are a bed of roses. Fortunately, I didn't have to feel guilty because she cheated on me and in no way was in a position to not survive on her own. As far as I'm concerned, I'm guilt free for leaving her behind.

I haven't completely given up on the concept, but the actual "being married" thing seems like a waste in today's society. I don't need the government and a piece of paper to tell me who to love.

At last! A moderator with some sense and not carrying a vendetta.

Thanks Vass, although it is still a mystery to me, but so is life.

Col

 

[Brianwarnock]

1 Thessalonians 4:14-17 1 Corinthians 15:51-53

For Brian and others who have lost or are losing loved ones.

Hope it provides a little comfort.

Blade

Thank you for your concern and sympathy. I am not religious and I was not angry for myself as I had had 20 years to prepare. I will not continue this on this thread.

Thanks again

Brian

 

[ColinEssex]

To get back on topic after the derailment by Gizzy.

I have a mate who is single. He is completely unshackled by marriage, he has a good job, nice car, house etc.
He travels when and where he likes and does his own thing.

This is the best bit - if he fancies some "company" (nudge nudge) he rings an escort agency and, well, spends a pleasant evening in good stunning company.

Jealous am I? Too bloody right, why the hell didn't I heed warnings before I got married. I am so angry.

Col

 

[Vassago]

To get back on topic after the derailment by Gizzy.

I have a mate who is single. He is completely unshackled by marriage, he has a good job, nice car, house etc.
He travels when and where he likes and does his own thing.

This is the best bit - if he fancies some "company" (nudge nudge) he rings an escort agency and, well, spends a pleasant evening in good stunning company.

Jealous am I? Too bloody right, why the hell didn't I heed warnings before I got married. I am so angry.

Col

Women have this spell they cast over our minds to blind us from reality.

 

[pbaldy]

Women have this spell they cast over our minds to blind us from reality.

I'm not sure it's our minds they have control over.

 

[Libre]

I don't think that Col or Namliam said anything WRONG per se, but I'm sorry for them that they are that jaded and bitter.
I'm sorry Col, that your life didn't work out the way you imagined it might and that you're in a situation that you find so unpleasant that you fancy that waking up in the morning on this side of the dirt is an unwelcome outcome.
You know, things never stay the same for long. They may seem to, but all of a sudden you may find yourself thinking back long ago - to today - and realize you're thinking of it as "the good old days".
Regardless, very few people (adults at least) entertain the notion that marriage is a "bed of roses". It is what you make it - like life itself. I have a sweet and intense love affair going with my wife of 14 years. We are both fully invested in our intertwined lives - although we are completely different - yet we compliment each other and never (well, hardly) limit each other, make demands, compete for resources, or belittle each other. We are childless and "mature" adults (late 50's, mid 60's) so some of the pressures that most marriages experience are absent in ours. Namliam and Colin Essex know what they know based only on their own experiences - but they don't know everything. If there really is no such thing as true love between people (Namliam) or that marriage could be the worst mistake you'll ever make (Col) then I'm a hopeless romantic, living in a dream world with my lovely wife - whom I can hardly wait to greet later at the gym where we both work out after work - and tell her for the one billionth time how much I love and adore her. I wish everyone could be as happy as we are, but I know that's not reality. Still - you pay your money and take your chances in this life - the only alternative is to do nothing at all which sounds worse than not living at all.